ok i am trying really hard to keep myself happy. anyway, ditched the games alreadi. going to do work. happy day ahead. haha

the first great thing have happened today. or is going to happen soon. anyway, it isnt tt wonderful, but it is not bad at least and it is gonna be quite fun.

i cant hardly believe dis. at 2am in the morning of april fools, my frens are going around pretending to be gays n having sars n fooling everyone i noe. haha. how bo liao. but den, i am amused cos they are telling mi all the pples reactions. haha. how extremely nonsense can pple get? but sometimes u need to hav fun. haha. no pt being depress all the time. wow. i hav changed. haha

i am starting to leave my hole of endless unhappiness. the first thing i did was to stop giving negative answers to pple. haha. I SHALL BE HAPPY N STUFF WILL ALL GO RIGHT FOR MI! HAHA. gonna scan tt pg out if possible n put in my wallet. i am a new person now. all for a knee. haha. how drastic. but still. i am happy! happy happy mi!

the most unreasonable pple tink tt they r reasonable. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- ok. i plan to read more of tt bk. n do some work today.

i shall...
1.graphs
2.chem bonding
3. physics dynamics

upon further reading, i would this 7 rules to cultivate a mental state tt will bring peace n happiness. useful. of which the follwoing few i lyk.

our life is wat our thoughts make it
lets never waste a minute thinking abt pple we dun lyk. this is real gd.
lets not imitate others. envy is ignorance n imitation is suicide. i shall not imitate, i shall surpass
when you are gd to others, you are best to urself

i shall try adhere to dis 4 principles n be happy. i believe everything will be right if i be happy. lyk my coach use to say u cant change the ref. u cant change the weather. u cant change the oppo. u can change urself. azahr rox hanif rox

i am so dead. died lyk shit. it went frm ok to bad to worse. 4 times. n the last one i couldnt get up. argh. wat can i say. wat can i do. it isnt lyk i want it to be dis way. i didnt do anything wot. there is seriously some problem wif it. i am distraught n distressed n depressed. hiaz. so i cant even think straight noe. the worst tt can happen is i become a cripple forever. the best is it cures by itself. which is impossible. ok. how i noe it is impossible rite? i dunno. i just hav the feeling tt it wunt. anyway. hav to go see a doc. dun hav much of a choice. in a desperate attempt to seek solace, dug out my dad's bk. how to stop worrying and start living. just how pathetic can i get. anyway, here goes nothing!

pg 59. question 1. what am i worrying abt?
my knee will never heal n i remain cripple forever n cant do the stuff i hav to do. also, it might take too long a time to heal.

question 2. wat can i do abt it?
nothing. i can go see a doc asap. not exert it further n continue taking pills. take care of it n hope it does not get worse tho it aint getting better

question 3. here is wat i am going to do abt it
i will not over bend it no matter how much i wanna see if it is ok. i shall quit being a loser n go get a bloody letter to see a sport doc asap. i will continue taking the pills as prescribed. might even up the dosage i shall sue ri for making mi play on a crappy field wifout warm up.

question 4. when am i gonna start doing it.
i am gonna take care of it frm now on. even more. i shall get the letter as soon as sch reopens or dying trying to get it or i shall just go and pay myself. i shall see the doc the first day sch reopens n not drag it any further.

finished the 4 steps. now tt i am an action plan. i dun feel so crap anymore, even tho i feel quite sick of myself. all i can do is to hope for the best. if it really does not heal, i will just accept the inevitable. yes. tt wat i will do. accept n move on.

oh shit it locked. after i thot it was getting better. but at least the pain is just a fraction of the previous. reminds mi not to anyhow sit. crap. ..-. ..- -.-. -.-

anywayz, i think *someone* keeps interferring in my life which i dun like. it's like just irritating lor, so bug off and get involved with ur own frens rite??

i fancy i lyk to copy pple stuff n make comments. haha. but the person who write this is quite evil, but might hav her own reasons n the person on the receiving end is quite poor thing. hiaz. tt y i am a firm believer of not imposing on pple. u never when pple might just turn around n tell u to fuck off. hiaz. y can everyone be nice to everyone else? huh? how come? speaking of which i cant. i am in one of my moods now. realise by commenting on how imperfect everyone is, i hav found manny additions to my already many shortcomings

i hate it when my post spilts up. argh. pork, dun kill mi i fu c mi copying ur stuff. k? k.

To the special *U* in my life now (you know who you are), dun know what to say, but we've known each other for 3 months alr, and I still know next to nothing about you. I really do hope to get to know you better. We hardly talk, and I guess its my fault for being so hesitant and afraid to talk to you. But sometimes it seems you're so far away, it feels like we're world's apart. I guess I just have to keep trying, but i hope I do get some kind of response soon. Haiz.

i feel so jian posting dis here. but den it is the onli way i can lyk express my opinions properly. watever. cant tell him anyway. ok. i wonder y is he taking it so hard lor. but learn to realx a little bit wat. ok. i cant relax very well but tt besides the pt. haha. i seen the girl before i tink. or at least if he didnt fake mi. how come he like her so much n never noe her better? they hardly talk? n it is his fault. tt sounds lyk an easy problem to mi lar. if she wanna to tok tt is. if she doesnt. wah. i dunno liao. but den who would i noe rite. how would he noe for tt matter? it is so chim to try thinking lyk someone else. sometimes i wish i hav the ability to noe wat pple r thinking but i dun. too bad. anyway, gd luck trying, hope u succeed, if u dun, dun go crazy over it. maybe it aint meant to be. leave it up to fate my boy. haha. i find fate a gd excuse for anything tt u wan but dun wanna work for. haha. tt fate for mi.

oh if u ever c dis rite. i not laughing at u lor. just expressing some opinions. gd luck anyway. i am sincere tho i hav a prob sounding lyk tt.

eeling refreshed after a shower. the show ended. oh man. it was so nice lor. braveheart is showing, but i am quite sick of it liao. anyway, 2 more pple got sars. looks lyk it is not really stopping. heard rumors tt someone at sch has sars too. it is so freaky. dun wanna die yet. still hav stuff to do. it is actually quite crap tt they close down sch. not tt i lyk sch, but it is not a worthy trade off cos the june hols will be shorten. plus cant really do anything now. so this sux quite a bit. i did 11 today. haha. on target. hehe. watever. it arent tt fun anymore. i am just plain bored out. i wonder wat r the other pple doing everyday? do they so call hav a real life? i dun tink i hav a real life. but tt not the pt. haha. just curious. lyk when do u wake up, wat u do after tt, wat u do during the day, where did u go out and stuff lyk tt. makes an interesting distraction frm ur own life. esp when dun hav one. haha. hey i wonder wat is a life. haha

nvm. on another note, read something really... how should i put it? funny? tt nasty n mean. ok. i actually wanna copy it here. but den it sounded so sincere n chim n all n i didnt wanna make it a mockery. digress a little bit here. pple always say i am not sincere. wah lau. tt so unfair to mi lor. not my fault. i am lah. it is ur eyes got problem. den blame mi. ok. actually i dun really give a damn. aint my fault. back to the topic.

having a minor headache. argh. i tink the tv is not in a very good position. tt y. hiaz. i feeling a little sad now. not tt i usually feel happy but den i feel a little erm. dunno how to quite pt it out. but lyk there is nothing to be happy abt. so sian. sick of work. sick of graphs. felt tired n yucky for much of the day. watching tv now. hiaz. so boring. but the show is quite nice. haha. she is damn cute. haha. nothing much happened dis few days, except being confined at home everyday. it is suffocating. the sars thing is still as crap as ever n the war is pathetic.

gonna get this for myself. haha. i hope it is not too x. pentax optio 33gs

been a frustrating day. very irritated. argh. anyway, in short, was displaced frm my room since yesterday afternoon. i am pissed. but i ren. ren. went for a 4k jog. the left knee hurt a little. the right ached a little. or else quite ok on the whole. pretty satisfied. found out tt 7 yr olds these days dunno how to avoid bicycles. pathetic. i wonder wat they do? it is getting crappier wif each passing day. currently negotiating to borrow a digital cam frm someone. this reminds mi. the most x thing i borrowed frm a fren is a ps for 2 months. just how brotherly can one get? fantastic i tell u. i hav nothing to do recently besides mugging. boring. y is a life a life when there r pple n laughter? hmm. interesting stereotype.

just felt lyk doing something. bye.

..-. ..- -.-. -.- wat a nice way of putting it. haha. i love it!

.. / .- -- / ... --- / -... --- .-. . -.. / -. / -.. . .--. .-. .. ...- . -.. / --- ..-. / ..-. ..- -. / ... - ..- ..-. ..-. / - --- / -.. --- / - - / .. / .- -- / .- -.-. - ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / - .- .-.. -.- .. -. --. / - --- / .--. .--. .-.. . / .. -. / -- --- .-. ... . / .... . .-.. .--. .-.-.- / .. / .- -- / --- -. / - .... . / -... .-. .. -. -.- .. -. --. / --- ..-. / .. -. ... .- -. .. - -.--

--- .... / -- .- -. --..-- / .. / .- -- / ... --- / -... --- .-. . -.. / - .... .- - / .. / .- -- / - .-. -.-- / - .... .. ... / .. -. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.- / -.-- . .- .... / -- .- -. .-.-.- / .. / .- -- / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / -... --- .-. . -.. / --- ..- - .-.-.- / - .... .. ... / ... .- .-. ... / - .... .. -. --. / .... .- ... / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / -.-. .-. .- .--. / --- ..- - / - .... . / . -..- - . -. -.. . -.. / .... --- .-.. .. -.. .- -.-- ... .-.-.- / .- -. -.. / .-- --- .-. ... - / ... - .. .-.. .-.. --..-- / - .... . -.-- / .- .-. . / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / - .- -.- . / - .... . / .--- ..- -. . / .... --- .-.. .. -.. .- -.-- ... .-.-.- / --- .... / -. --- .-.-.- / --- -. / ... . -.-. --- -. -.. / - .... --- ..- --. .... - / - .... .. ... / .. ... / .-. . .- .-.. / -.-. .-. .- .--. .--. -.-- .-.-.-

i am so bored. decided to translate everything to morse code. haha

a chaotic day to say the least. losta screaming n shouting abt. haha. i am enjoying myself amidst all this shit. probably heading out later for sars. haha. oh man. i am so dead. did some work. finished my maths hw! haha. so i just hav onli 2 mug for 2 test. fantastic. i am feeling quite free now. just found out tt 2 frens r going to the dentist 2day. haha. the last time i hav been to one was last yr. n it was one funny session. haha. but i hate dentist n dental clinics. give mi the creeps. just asked wat hav the other pple been up to... bending nails n mugging....argh. i go bang my head. ok i confess i am still bored. bored to death.

i can feel tt 2day will be a nicer day n less bored. cos i hav stuff 2 do. firstly, hav to meet someone at city hall mrt. but i dunno whether to go cos i dun wanna die of sars. haha. den someone might be coming to my house to pass mi something or maybe i hav to go over, but i dun wanna die. haha. anyway, ray told mi his phone bill was 78 last month. got screwed proper by his mum. haha. i went to check mine. it was lyk 32 onli. hahaha. u noe y? tt idiot kept on using singtel internet when there is an access fee of 2 cents. how crazy. he could hav switch to starhub easily. crazy nut. to be really exact, my is 32.87. haha. anyway, read the news papers today, how cool. wahhh. juz found out i hav a chem test on top of a maths test when i come back to sch. wat the hell man. so crap. but i dunno wat it is on. shit. the summation test still havent still yet too. wah lau. tt makes 2 test n my maths hols hw. i ahv 3 more questions left. plan to finish it today. but i wonder if the teacher is going thru it cos i dun see a pt if she doesnt. cos the stuff i dunno , i will still dunno. watever. hahaha

i hav to do...
maths hw+gtaphing
physics work power energy
chem test

will install the scanner again. i need it for something. hmm. i hope it works fine. pork, i got the whole song in my last post! u can copy frm mi! haha. i think saddness is infectious so i plan to be a little more happy. happy happy mi! but there arent anything worth being happy abt. there is nothing to be sad too. wah. it is a great difficulty to noe wat to feel. argh. crap. going to watch vball match sometime. i am really too free. no. but how to refuse unless i hav something gd to say? anyway it has been 4 yrs. so i guess i should go. watever! TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY! ARGH.

on pple scares mi off a great deal

Don't know what to say now
don`t know where to start
I don`t know how to handle
a complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
but I just have to say
before vou throw it all away

Even if you want to go alone
l will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain
Don't know what you're thinking
to me it seems quite tough
to hold a conversation
when words are not enough
so this is your decision
and there's nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain

not exactly, but very nice. i like it. it is like a fairy tale. reality arent very nice all the time. wat a pity.

i am guilty now cos everyone is mugging. i hav onli done 2 13 questions of maths in the past 2 days n tt was part of hols hw. i am sick of myself haha. WTF WTF!

i shall
1. do maths hw+graphing
2. do maths tutorial 8
3. physics work power energy
4. chem bonding

the migraton was a complete failure. the internet was too slow to produce the results fast enough. i on the other hand did not have the patience to wait. so there. i am back here. crappy.

everyone is mugging. i tink i shuld too. but i am so fucking sick of mugging. i prefer to go fuck a wall den to play chess n dai dee online. thanx for the idea pork. but no way am i gonna play chess n dai dee. wtf. cant u see i am fucking bored?

AERL.G HSERgk;bh ad;gihdf;b jknasfg;o iRSHGF ;OIAHGDXKLASE GH'H'IOL ARSDGH' SD' IHLSEGEklsd gh R' ESGHh' igs' ;HGI' Ge

DECIDED TO SMASH THE KEYBOARD TO RELIEVE BOREDOM. WTF

the unexpected hols brought expected results. more tv more com more boredom

I've seen my chances come and go
how they escape me I'll never know
I've had the answers there in my hand
I just didn't understand

Now Lady Luck has smiled at me
and given me another try
to meet up with my destiny
to find a way to fly

I wanna do something right for once in my life
before it's too late and I give up the fight
Gonna bury my fears and save a few tears
because I did something right

...........

how apt. how apt.

2day is quite alrite. finished wat i wanna do for to day. work tt is. so i guess i can just chill the rest the of the day. it is getting lame and boring. hav been toying wif the idea of shifting dis to a proper domain so i can post some pics n stuff lyk tt. basically mak dis really my own. would lyk to post a few hand written entries. but i am just to lazy to do tt. if the internet was faster, tt wuld hav been incentive. but rite now, uploading stuff would take an aeon. yar. i feel lyk heading out to get broadband. i am so behind time. but i guess i am used to it alreadi. haha.

my dad borrowed a ton of bks on buddhism cos of the stupid show on tv now. how weird. he cant never hav a religion one lah. but i tink i noe where i inherited crazy genes frm. haha. my mum is against mi taking any religion except christianity. cos she tinks other religions r low class. how idiotic. haha. y is religion such a sensitive issue anyway. seriously, i dunno. haha. i dun hav one, i probably will not hav one. survived many a conversion. haha. pple say their god tells them stuff. i reallie wonder how they hear u noe. lyk do u really hear someone toking. or is it just up in the brain? once again, i refuse to use heart cos u cant possibly tink wif muscles. anyway, god if there is one, doesnt seem veri powerful dis days. a pastor just died. really interested in this religion stuff. wat makes it so believable for some pple n yet to some, just rubbish. i wonder. i once said tt it was a matter of self confidence. tt some pple just needed to rely more on others or other things while some just had no need for such stuff. tt was a bad mistake. i got skewered saying tt. sometimes, u cant really speak ur mind anyhow.

bored. feeling lazy n guilty

i tink i will go get myself a digital cam.

Emotional day today... Today @ work, i was looking through the window from my classroom, looking at the K1's having a great time with waterplay outside... My attention went all to this little boy, Jeremy. Jeremy's adorable lookinng with tanned skin, vey intelligent boy, but unfortuantely autistic... My eyes couldnt leave Jeremy, i watched him having fun with the water, his innocent laughters and smiles really touched deep in my heart, I was grinning to myself when suddenly and unknowingly i started feeling a pain in my heart, the whole saddness conquered the happiness.. and before i could do anything, heavy tears were rolling down my cheeks.. I felt the uncertainties this little boy will be facing in his life... felt pitiful that how he isnt able to relate into pple's lives... how sad is it to be stuck in a world of his own and not feeling a thing... As i looked at Jeremy, i cant help but to feel the aches....

stole dis frm someone.

anyway watching tv now. she is damn cute. haha

5 pple left. 5 came in. one was frm my og. i can barely remember his name. anyway, i cant even name the whole class. haha. how pathetic. i tink i can but not wif 100% certainty. haha. anyway, dis 5 pple walked into my life yesterday, as if it wasnt full of crap n pple alreadi. i presume tt i will never get to really noe anyone of them forever. it is one of those click things u noe. the stuff tt i always say. moving on, the 5 was made up of 2 gals n 3 guys. i remember onli 1 guy's name cos he played soccer wif mi b4, pavrin i tink n the malay girl. she told us to call her "easy". kinda of easy to remember. if i cant, i tink i shuld die. so the rest of the class sat outside the classroom refusing to go in cos they felt the new pple were crap. onli a few went in. den 1 guy, super funny, said something abt the show "meet the parents". tt was one funny show. u gotta watch it if u have not. the best comedy ever. back to the subject. i was drinking water n he said welcome to the inner trust circle. i puked out the water. haha. damn funny. had a gd joke abt it. haha

i wasnt very affected by the change. the pple tt left, i didnt really noe them. the pple tt came. i, too didnt really noe them. i guess it is easier to take when u just dun reallie bother abt watever is going on around u. when u dun really invest feelings in pple, when stuff happens to them, u arent really affected rite? i guess so. they say the friends u make in jc will last. dey say tt no matter wat sch u go. primary, sec den now. but i tink as u grow older, u will find it harder to make friends. cos u think more, u look out for urself more. n rational thinking cant be part of friendship cos making frenz just for cos u click is an irrational ting. if u wanna make it logical, u wuld hav to use my tool theory n tt is so sad. haha.

i hunted out my bdae resolutions. i tink i will achieve the 5th. the 7th was to make new friends. i said it was hard on the 20th of jan 2003 0001hrs. i was mistaken. it was harder than hard. lyk extreme. remember telling someone tt i will walk down the corridor taking everyone as tou min. i rather it the other way around. less tiring. it is difficult to try making conversation when there is really nothing to talk abt or nothing tt u can trust the other person wif.


hi
hows ur day
wat r u doing now
wat do u hav on 2molo


familiar? how pointless words. i am in one of those moods.

boring. boring. more boring. i forgot so much of last term's maths. hiaz. big prob. but i am too tired to tink. argh. nvm. i am not to bothered by it anyway. one of the pple i noe is totally depressed cos he hav to leave his class. lyk very very very very sad lor. hiaz. how come i also dunno. damn kor liang. couldnt do anything to make him any happier. instead, i dragged him to watch squash wif mi. hiaz. i saw the old ri pple there too! how cool!

i found a way to piss pple off. every single lect pple will come out complaining how difficult stuff r. say tell dem it was chicken stuff. haha. i say tt all the time now, even tho i dun understand a single thing. haha. might else well dun understand n get some pleasure by pissing pple off. haha. how twisted. but damn bloody funny. haha. i am so bo liao. anyway, my fellow stoner in class just became physics rep cos she left. amazing. fantastically amazing. haha. anyway, i was wondering y i didnt write abt the new class yesterday. found the reason. i was just so stone. i slep at 8 btw. i seem to hav no problems slping whenever i wan to. amazing. wat if i forgot to wake up one day? i never really thot abt tt hav u?....i better start the class thing on the next post....or else blogger will reject it. again

i am positively puking. argh. i tink i am a bit crazy. lyk just now. i am really crazy. hahaha. drained.

spend the morning buying sch u. the woman was very irritating n kao bei. i found it amazing tt she can go on and on and on on nothing. wow. waste my time and cause noise pollution. pple lyk tt with no to say tt is worth listening should just shut up. take ur moaning somewhere else and dun bother other pple abt ur crappy life. ok. cant be social worker. haha. but i am not. i am just a normal selfish person. haha

just spent 103 on sch u. omg

it is raining now. going for a test jog later if the rain stops. i hope nothing happens. i have maths hw. it seems i hav forgot wat was taught last term. wat the fuck. the us is having trouble wif iraq. crap. i tink it is cos the iraqi soldiers wear civilian clothes. but if i am not wrong, by not wearing uniform, the iraqi soldiers r not protected by the geneva convention, y dun the us make tt a pt to the iraqi soldiers. can psycho dem. i tink. haha.

i thot of a great gift, or at least i tink it wuld be cool, but i didnt buy. y i wonder. fate. tt it. i shall get this out of my mind. tt all for today. i am gutted.

i am an extremely mean n sarcastic person, throw in anti social, i wonder how come pple even bother abt mi. i am amused.
i am a lying bastard. haha

knees r much better today. played soccer for the first time since locking up. it was bearable, but felt a lot of strain in the knees. but i guess it was ok. den ran abt more today. so far, so gd. went to watch ray play against hc today. rj lost 5-0. the whole ting took 2 hrs. he was quite affected by it all. i wonder y he is so affected by losing. haha. in sec sch, i hav lost until i numb liao. every match we just whack n hope to get a result, the sch wasnt expecting anything frm us. haha. the onli competition we did ok was uwc. exclude stupid ch invitational. second. maybe we could hav gotten first if everyone came. but second was gd enough. if i am not wrong, beat acs1 team b, french sch, uwc, lost to asci team a. scored against the french sch. tt was it. haha. i still remember. amazing. wat a loser i am. fuck. but tt was tens. haha. loser loser. i am so ashamed of myself. go die lar loser. haha

broke 2 toenails today. not my fault. bleed a little. but i am pissed. cos it is not my fault.

y did i say anyone will miss mi. sat in the shower pondering abt tt. maybe i wanted someone to miss mi. tt can be anyone. but according to someone, pple who miss u just remember u a little longer after u die. haha. how true. tt y i tink u cant live for others, onli for urself. not lyk the movies. haha. it is impossible. as of now, i only wish for 2 things. if those r alreadi done, i dun mind dying. next time i dunno. but now, really. hiaz.

sch is close till 6 apr. tink they r cutting the june hols. fuck lar. i am going out now. fuck the disease. if i am kept at home any longer, i will go crazy. yar so if this happens to be my last entry so be it. it is fate, n i dun tink anyone will miss mi. i am on a death wish now. bye.

someone died. crap. i feel disgusted at being happy. fuck

home alone. fearing the next lock up. hiaz

>81)First Son's name?: dunno
>
>82)do u keep pets: no
>
>83)You like scary or funny movies better?: funny
>
>84)On the phone or in person?: in person
>
>85)Lust or Love?: love
>
>86)wads ur hp no:
>
>87)sports dat u play: soccer
>
>88)dislike sports: tennis
>
>89)Who sent this survey to you?: someone
>
>90)What do you think about this person? : ok
>
>91)What is your favorite song?: a lot
>
>92)Do you want your friends to do this survey?: who cares
>
>93)Time Finished ?: 2322

>----------IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE YOU------------
>
>
>
>33)Cried: no
>
>34)Been mean: yes
>
>35)been sarcastic: yes
>
>38)Talked to someone you nv talk b4: no
>
>39)Missed someone: no
>
>40)Hugged someone: no
>
>41)Fought with your parent(s): yes
>
>42)Wished upon a star: no
>
>43)Laughed until you've cried: no
>
>44)Played Truth or Dare: no
>
>45)watched a sunrise/sunset: no
>
>46)Went to the beach at night: no
>
>47)Read a book for fun: no
>
>48)Ate a meal: yes
>
>49)Are you lonely?: no
>
>50)Are you happy?: no
>
>51)Are you talking to someone online?: no
>
>DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------
>
>
>52)God/Devil: no
>
>53)Love: yes
>
>54)The closest fren: no
>
>55)In curse: no
>
>56)Heaven/hell: no
>
>57)superstitions?: yes
>
>58)Full Name: George W. Bush: yes
>
>59)Who named you?: dunno
>
>60)Back streets or N'sync: no
>
>61)When was the last time you go out?: today
>
>62)When was the last time you were online: today
>
>63)What is right next to you?: a glass of water, bed, fan, clothes
>
>64)What is your computer desk made of?: wood

>65)What was the last thing that you ate: lemon chicken rice. some said it was dishing washing stuff.
>
>66)where would you want to go on ur honeymoon?: somewhere without anyone
>
>67)Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: i dunno
>
>68)How's the weather right now?: ok
>
>69)What did you do last night?: slp n do dis n do tt
>
>70)Thing that you find attractive about the opposite sex?: someone i can trust n tok to
>
>71)How do YOU eat an Oreo?: i hate oreos
>
>72)All time favorite tv show: any chinese drama serial i hav time 2 watch
>
>73)Dream car?: ferrari
>
>74)What do you want to be when you grow up: work for squaresoft as a director
>
>75)Favorite music?: chinese
>
>76)Favorite days of the week?: friday
>
>77)Favourite food?: dunno
>
>78)If you could change your name,what would it be?: not gonna do it
>
>79)Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : no
>
>80)the most stupid thing you have ever done?: filling dis up

found dis in my email. quite interesting.

>1)Starting time: 2301 hrs
>
>2)Full name: thng zheng xian
>
>3)Nickname: maddog, toilet brush, egghead
>
>4)School: rss, ri, rjc
>
>5)e-mail:
>
>6)star sign: depends on papers
>
>7)zodic sign: dun really noe 2
>
>8)Siblings: older bro
>
>9)Gd frens: tough one...yem, afang
>
>10)Ever go out late @ nite: yes
>
>11)Ever missed school because it was raining?: no
>
>12)how often u go out: everyday, to school...
>
>13)Kept a secret from everyone? many
>
>14)Had an imaginary friend? my blog
>
>15)religion: free thinker
>
>16)wish 4 sis or bro: a younger sis or a younger bro
>
>17)Had a crush on a teacher?: no
>
>19)Ever at anytime owned a 'New Kids on the Block' tape?: no
>
>20)Ever prank called someone: yes
>
>21)Been on stage: yes
>
>22)fav tings: soccer, nufc, ferrari, my com, my tv, my room
>
>23)Colors: grey
>
>25)Online: every night
>
>26)Countries: been 2 malaysia, hk , usa, china , uk, nz, Australia, japan, switzerland
>
>27)Like anyone:
>
>28)Who have you known the longest of your friend: jpoh, ckp, mingze, yingheng
>
>29)Who's the loudest: jpoh
>
>30)Who's the shyest: ckp
>
>31)Who do you go to for advice: myself
>
>32)Who do you get along with best: myself
>

after tt, they went to the movies. the hour, or was it the hours? i dunno. it was extremely confusing, thought provoking in some other pple's case. saw a few pple sleeping, for one part, i was smsing. it was a faculty piece of crap shit. tt was wat i said to aaron. seriously, wat i left the show remembering was tt the cars did not have seat belts in 1951 n all the women were lesbians. wow. thinking abt wat the show meant. lotsa pple came out wif all lot of lit stuff abt the choices u make and blah blah blah. no offence, but i dun give a damn abt the crap in the show. but the one n only line i could remember was "you don't find peace by avoiding life. cos tt wat i am doing. it is so difficult to seek solace in someone else. cos ultimately it is ur own life n u hav to live wif the decision u make.

den they walked abt. n i also walked abt n i came across dis "the guy ahead of me is there to be overtaken" dennis lim the racer guy said tt. how cool. if onli it was so easy. but hav to give it a shot. n den eat n den talk n den go home. my mind was too packed wif stuff to put in anymore. argh. n my crazy maths teacher give us hw. omg. screw her lar.

i ran home today. for the first time since it begin. it was nerve wrecking. every step i took i felt tt it was gonna lock up. it didnt in the end. but it does not feel the same anymore. not the same. y oh y. hiaz. i tink i will quit dis moaning. i am sick. gutted. oh man. i dun hav an idea y am i here. for wat reason. there must be but i dunno y. it seems there is none.

met someone on the way back.

a happy day followed by a distressingly sad one. before i forget, i start to write this at 10 24. see how long i put into this crap. anyway, in the morning, forgot abt my knee n i just bent down to get my shoes. unfortunately, the knee reminded me tt it was injured by locking up. den 2 more in the car n once in sch. tt 4 times in a day. omg. it is not too painful n does not last as long as b4. i take tt as signs of recovery tho i noe tt cant be possible. i am distressed by dis. i thot it was getting better alreadi. n now this shit. gutted wuld br the right word to use. gutted. yah. wat the fuck. i tink i hav to go see a doc soon. they cant do anything much except an op. but i am not gonna do an op. so. hiaz. i really dunno wat is gonna happen n i hope tt nothing nasty happens. i have to do so many things now, it cant just die! not now. if u really hav to die, die when i am 25. if u really. but i wuld lyk if u dun die. u got it? huh? got it a not? hiaz.

reached sch n o2 began. i saw the new pple in the og. they r quite on. definitely more on den me. haha. but tt quite easy right? yah, anyway good for them tt they r enjoying so much. o2 was a disaster. i found it boring to say the least. not really interested in doing anything wif abad knees, although one is worse den the other. according to pple who were there, abt onli a quarter left at the end. i wasnt in tt quarter. was slacking in lt2. haha. during the day, i saw the hockey gk doing drills n the pple dancing n the pple running and all. n i was wondering if they realised how lucky they were. i dun tink so. n if u r wondering wat i see tt is lucky in them, den u probably also dun realise it. it onli comes to you when u r in shit lyk mi. yah.

the trip home was so fun i have to write it down. haha. i am happy today. in a long time, for the first time. haha. i ended at 1 10. n basically did nothing except for 2 maths question wif afang. den waited til 3 50 for yeh to come out. den yem told mi he had 1 more lesson n end at 4 30. haha. surprisingly, i wasnt pissed at all. amazingly i waited til 4 30 when ray n yem came out. den the 5 of us all went home 2gether. at the mrt saw a interesting sight. shant comment further cos i dun wan to. but nice pple tho. den we camped at the back of the train n talked. we talked abt sch, abt teachers, abt cca, abt injuries, abt knees, abt scholarships, abt games, abt swimming, abt srp, abt project work, abt old frens, abt expectations, abt asthma,abt hospital, abt losta stuff. it was great catching up. veri fun. i dunno y also. but i lyk talking to those pple. if the train didnt stop, we wuldnt hav stop cos stuff kept coming out. we go way back.

pls dun screw mi up . pls. thanx hor

was ask to join sailing. again. but i dun tink i will it is too weird to go now. i hope i made the right choice. besides i am not fantastically gd at tt anyway.

first day of new term. quite fun day. got to see the new pple, few which i noe quite well. so it was fun. lessons were slack too, except for minor scolding from maths teacher. haha. finished up mathematical induction. finally. wif some help tt is. felt quite stupid. argh. damn. crap. haha. den stone around in sch considering the fact tt next 2 days hav no lessons. saw su. talked abt stuff. yay. tt was nice. went home wif a bunch of nice pple 2. yem, yeh, afang and ray. den went on a hunting trip for ffx. didnt find it in the end. argh. haha. but nvm. i feel quite guilty for slacking so much. but i am tired today. very. maybe cos i slp too late last nite. damn. was waiting for a call tt never came n couldnt slp after tt. felt dizzy thru out the day. but i tink i am ok, hope tt i dun get sick. actually when i always say dis i fall ill. but i tink it wuld be the case dis time. wat is more worrying is the knee. it is feeling weak n loose. oh man. i shall strain it. hope it gets ok for training. anyway, tink shall squeeze in some work to do. n dis n tt. if i have the time. oh. i am feeling sleepy now. hiaz. but wanna continue.

pretty disturbed by the war today. esp the one where the iraqi tried to flush out the pow n the front pg of tnp. i dun tink i feel sad. but i have this weird feeling. just affected a great deal. dunno y. i tink it is so wrong. tt poor guy is dead liao n pple put him on the front pg. wat the hell. the flushing on was much worse. they tried to burnt n shot them out. argh. tt is so cruel. tt y there should not be a war. but since there is a war, i tink i am pro american. watever talk abt americans being warmongers might be true, but i prefer them to be the superpower instead of iraqi. yeah. so whack those iraqi ass. my gp teacher say tt us will not win. i hope she is wrong. haha.

do work
do dis
do tt....i tink tt all rite.....

btw..the maths test failed to materialize

as i was saying, humanity has degenrated again. didnt noe wat sch it was, until someone told mi. ajc it seems. hiaz. i mean the girls r crazy. too wild. maybe it was impulse or sumting, but it is really siao. the teacher was there n didnt do a thing. hiaz. i am too cnoservative. but i tink it is better tt y. sometimes, the old wins. u noe. old stuff. old ideas. old pple. old traditions. old rulers. old winners. watever. am irritated. shut myself up. will go out later at nite to do stuff. hiaz. i am sick of test. but i hav 1 2molo. damn disgusting leh. i feel sick. hiaz wat can i do??? but i tink i tink i will screw up n die. dun wan to. but too sick to study. will see how it goes.

I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT! SCHUMI IS THE KING

Don't know what to say now
don`t know where to start
I don`t know how to handle
a complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
but I just have to say
before vou throw it all away

Even if you want to go alone
l will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain
Don't know what you're thinking
to me it seems quite tough
to hold a conversation
when words are not enough
so this is your decision
and there's nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain

listening to dis now. it is nice. but quite mushy. haha. but it is nice. if u r wondering, which i tink u r not, old song. haha.

y is he at 10th. not meant to be there. argh. crap. damn disgusting. anyway sch starts 2molo. hiaz. run out of foolscap liao. tink i shall go buy some more. 7th now. but still quite disgusting. yes! 6th. i knew it! class shows. he is superior to everyone else. 5th now. he can pass anyone he can get close to. superb, despite 3 pit stops n a crash. sadly, i tink tt as high he can go. but class really shows! haha. who else can do tt? he is god. 4th pit. wat the hell is going on? i tink it is pure bad luck. back to 7th. i think he can take 4th. come on! sets fastest lap. all the way! come on! he is the fastest on the circuit but still at 7th. damn lar. yes takes 1 more position. thanks to a spin. evil. but who cares. haha. gogogo. nonono. dun slow down now! argh. so close yet so far. damn shit.

watching tv. interrupted by new reports. quite sian. twice liao. damn. in comparison. my life is crap. my neck is so stiff. argh. just finish the show. oh my. it is so cool. great. hmm. i shall spend my last hrs in total happiness. i noe pple r coming haha. how shiok. toking crap wif pple now. so many pple r bored. lyk mi. newcastle just whacked 5-1. fantastic. yeah. 2 liao. a lot of pple r not slping. i wonder wat r u doing? slp i guess. dreaming? dreaming wat? huh. i am crazy. haha. wat am i doing? tink abt wat u r doing. i didnt go. crap. shit. shuld hav gone. sumtimes, i wonder, when i read wat i write again, why i remember? everything is so coded, so unclear, so messed up. i dun tink so but i guess tt not a big problem is it? probably hav to go out to eat 2molo at that place. hiaz. i am dreading it. crap. i dun lyk.

shall pack my bag early so i can slack the whole day. n face sch 2molo. everything is old. wat is so interesting. old teacher old pple old classroom old chair old table old crap old stuff. except for my haircut, nothing is new. haha. speaking of new, wondering who will join my class. haha. wuld be interesting. i noe at least one left. surprisingly, i am not affected. never was. but the other pple were so affected. so i shall see their reactions 2molo. haha. will be fun. they will probably forget in a min. being brutally honest here. haha. crappy maths test. gp for 1hr 20min. i cant stand it. let mi die. pls. pls. 6 on icq 1 on msn. haha not many pple noe but frm 6am to 6pm it cost 0.014 cents per min online otherwise it is 0.007. might go buy uniform 2molo. but it is so bloody x. earn lyk crazy. profiteering. gonna complain to case. was if they can do anything.

it is confusing n it hung on mi. wat the hell

in the end i spend time teaching someone physics. even tho i dun really noe. haha. anyway. i tink it is more productive. better. i thot of stuff i never thot of b4. haha. posting out. pple r leaving. inevitable. i wonder who r the pple tt r leaving. wa r they feeling rite now? i guess i will never noe. no one is coming over. i refuse to allow those idiots to indugle in internet fun. hiaz. so bo liao. hopefully i c pple i wanna see on mon. in any case, highly unlikely. darn. my hair is reallie short now. haha. i tink can last the whole term. save my time. icq hung again. crap. i tink i go watch tv better.

did some maths 2day. otherwise, the day was just lethargic. felt so tired. just wanted to slp but couldnt. felt so hot n sick n dizzy n drowsy. sickening. checked the posting. wanted to ask someone. but didnt. cos i wuld not wat to say if it didnt turn out the way it shuld. as it stands, yf in coming to rj. so i guess i can get to see more magic. experienced it first hand on fri. it was fantastic. to say the least. he wants to set up a magic club. i told him to walk into the principals office n ask him for his wallet n do the tearing the note trick n tell him tt magic. i tink tt is enough impact. y the proposals? tt is far more impressive. but den again. u must follow the stupid fucking rules. do this n this n this n this. idiotic. yf all the way!! haha. he is really gd. trust mi

cut my hair today. 10 dollars. wat a waste of money. noise pollution around the house shuld drop. shall do somemore maths. the knee to strains at the same place. shall find a more pro term for dis. haha. irritated. very. by something. sometimes pple expect u to do things dey dun even do. wat the hell

i keep tinking 2day is sunday n tomolo hav sch. am i so despo for sch. surely not. i just keep tinking tt way. wat the hell. negotiating to get some pple over to party the second last day away. the stuff dey wanna do u dun wanna noe. haha. not going to well. darn it.

shall do some more maths. n gaia.

feeling even more fuck after reading some stuff. some pple are so lucky dey dun even noe or appreciate it. all my life i wanted to but i couldnt n they r doing it day in n day out. hiaz. the next time i get pissed off by dis i will just go jump. wtf. no fairy tale aint gonna happen to mi. i will just go drown myself in the virtual world. how pathetically sad can i get? i dunno. it seems to get worse by the day. consolation=2molo is sunday n no sch. haha

hols r almost over. sad sad. haha. anyway, mr knee hasnt lock up for 2 days. but the top left hand corner always will strain. lyk gonna flare up anytime. scary. sickening. distressing. haiz.....heal faster can. pls i beg u.

tink i will squeeze in just a little bit of work. haha

study maths test

very irritated by 2 things. no many. understatement. stupid shop close so early. waste my time. pple dis days r getting worse. too irritated to elaborate further. but 2day was ok.

achieved my fifth resolution for new year. was it fifth. i tink so. hmm.

10-do it.
11-do tt

i cant believe it

i gave up tv to do a thrashy piece of bk review. not worth. it is really damn lan. disgusting. amazed tt i can write such thrash. haha. but at least i finished it. TO HELL WIF GP N THE GP TEACHER YAY! haha. feeling quite happy now. i finished gp. but a little guilty because it is anyhow done. but at least i dun copy. hiaz. no use comforting myself. gonna get another screwing. so y fuck care. fuck off. fuck it. yeah. fuck u. haha. fantastic. i am gonna shower. back to gaia. some dynamics, summation, chem bonding 2molo. i am going heeren. or shuld i play soccer? man...i hope 2 do both.

pple shuld tink tt everyone is mother theresa. i am not. do use overly high morale expectations to measure mi. cos i will fail terribly. when u look out for someone, u look out for pple worth looking out for. not any tom dick n harry. u choose a few n choose well. how can one look out for everyone? impossible. those tt claim dey do r lying. either they just tok cock a few sentence or basically play mr nice guy. those r pple i hate. screw off. cant possible do tt. stop lying. watever. just look out for a few n urself n tt it. dun ask more. dun give more. everyone will be happier tt way. so, dun ask mi to help. 1. if i wanna help, i will do it without u asking. 2. if i havent do so, i will probably not ever. so ya. leave mi alone.

feeling better now. haha. off to shower n gaia...yes....wat a shit day.

war has started. aint tt exciting. boring. but seems to be much activity in the skies around my place. i guess they up the patrols. for wat? morons. anyway, hope to be there 1 day.

hav to do my bk review n file the bloody file by today. i swear. hav been saying tt for a long time. haha. i promise. i will do it today.

shuld i cut my hair 2molo. i dun feel lyk cos it is a pure waste of time n money n i might die of pneumonia rite? but it is irritating mi n i tink i look lyk a cock. but i look lyk a cock all the time rite? hiaz. so sian. must go. must wait. must sit n dun move. n must pay money some more. wat the hell. i guess it depends whether my parents force mi 2molo. if they do. i will go. hiaz. waste time. sian si.

i am living in gaia now. i knew it. damn. haha. but ti is nice. nicer den b4. fantastic. some idiot is downstairs having fun wif a fricking skateboard. bloody hell. so noisy. i need peace. argh. anyway. meet someone 2dae. ask if i had nothing to do. really. i hav nothing to do. ok. hav some wk. but otherwise. i really hav nothing to do. haha. bored

some pple shuld reallie be wiped of the face of the earth..hmm. u noe who u r. i am 80 percent ready. hmm

8-9 gp file
9-10 do it. tv.
10-1030 gp bk reivew
1030-1130 gp bk reivew. tv.
1130-slp shower. slack.

hopefully everything goes as planned. if not. shall sacrifice showering. haha. i tink i hav to bathe. haha

deadline has passed. i wonder which clock they r using. hmm

i have decided to do a lot tomorrow. a lot of productive stuff. lyk studys maths test n gp bk reivew n gp file. n read up on chem bonding. i feel so totally screwed up. the war is probably gonna start 2molo. if there is watever god out there. try stopping it. dun just bless pple. stop the war. haha. but maybe after it, the world will be a nicer place. shall see. gd nite. i feel depress. no lock up for the whole day. haha

knock knock
who's there
go fuck yourself

bloody funny.

just had an exceedingly interesting conversation wif someone. hmm. 2molo. plan to watch the news from 8 am. waiting for tt historical moment. hmm. hiaz. still havent done anything for gp.

idling the day away. no lock up yet. haha. i wonder wats the big deal wif flash. hmm. i use to think it is a big deal. but now? no. designing ur own effect wuld be difficult. but i did a few of my own. i tink they looked not bad. cos i lent it to my fren for his presentation n he said it was a piece of art. haha. amazing. but havent do it for awhile. but the stuff i saw recently disgusting mi. wat a let down. i was expecting much more than tt. erm. crap? haha. shant be mean. but just put it dis way. i didnt lyk it. haha. i heard the bk review needs onli to be 200-300 words. fantastic. by den again. the other pple will probably exceed the limit. how crappy. wat their prob. they r spoiling everything. argh. just great. shall ask pple how dey do it. i really have nothing 2 do. cant be bothered to do any work. have been dis way for a while. hmm. i wonder y. argh.

you know. argh is a fantastic word which aint even a word.

Bulding it up tearing it down
the circle goes around and around
Lessons are learned and bridges burned
I'm hoping the tide will turn

I'm gonna change direction
just for your own protection

A flag is up I see the sign
It's just a matter of time
The wind will blow and the trees will bend
nothing is left in the end

It isn't my desire
to set the world on fire

I'm gonna come back when the war is over
when you're ready to make amends
Fill up the cracks and find the pieces
then put them all back again

I see you there in the air
nothing to break you fall
The damage is done you've had your fun
who is gonna pay for it all

It isn't my desire
to set the world on fire

I'm gonna come back when the war is over
when you're ready to make amends
Fill up the cracks and find the pieces
then put them all back again

I'm turning my back as the walls are falling
staying away till the dust is gone
I'm under attack and a voice is calling
better stay away something wrong

gp bastards. time for u smart pple to give ur smart comments on why there is gonna be a fricking war n move ur pens to write another of ur fricking a1 essay n list down all those reasons why there shuld be or shuld not be a war. yeah. all the way. just sit back n think of all the fantastic arguments u can give when real pple r doing the real things. to do wat shuld be right to them. continue writing n deceive urself tt u r a matured person. go home n slp lar. i can just imagine the next gp lesson.

no locking up. yet. haha. 2day has been great. got it to work. tidy up all the wires. at least part of my room looks neat. n it wasnt my effort. ok 1percent was mine. haha. finished the bk. but holding back on the review cos i dun reallie noe how to do it. ask someone. hmm. i really stink, not literally, but yar stink. plan to do the gp file 2day n the maths tutorial 7. nothing else i guess. pretty normal day. just lyk the past few. but i am damn slack. argh. slp at 10 30 last nite, after reading the bk. n disgustingly, i feel disgusted too, tt i didnt shower. even tho i was out for 3hrs cycling. haha. omg. jumped out of the bed rite in the morning to shower. haha. i hope my mum doesnt noe. or i am dead. haha. havnt hav lunch. i am hungry. wat shuld i eat. it is amazing how such trivial matter crop up all the time. i guess i am just too free.

mr knee decided to be quite nice 2day. locked up twice onli. the pain is lesser. but still. dun reallie dare to bent it too much. in case it decides to lock up. anyway, was reading abt the knee injuries one can possibly get. it is quite frightening cos everything seems so serious. hiaz. i am trying to put of the doc visit for fear of really bad news. am hoping it disappears so tt i dun hav to worry anymore. went for a ride 2day. was in a pple watching mood. went pass the field n saw the same pple doing the same thing n was wondering abt the same thing over n over again. if only things werent the same. regret. yoyos r the craze now. again. everywhere i go i see yoyos. i dunno y or when it became popular again. but it is now. haha. when u cycle slowly, u realise how fast everyone else goes. quite funny. was at the mall. i see these boys abt 5 or 6. i tink i heard 5. they were smoking in the toilet for the disabled. actually i didnt. i just saw a security guard blocking the door. den few moments later 2 more came, they open the door n found the boys. youngest was abt 7 or 8. oldest abt 14. i guess. veri young.

wat r u all doing?
smoking lar...

hiaz. i implore anyone tinking of smoking n is underage to do it skillfully. pls. dun do it in the toilet at the mall in a grp in 1 cubicle. tt is so stupid. the security guards were obviously enjoying their moment of excitment n glory. yay. how stupid. make sumting out of nothing. how pathetic. saw 2 boys buying a ps2 wif their parents. gd luck wif ur studies. haha. saw a cool guy outside the mall. i wonder if he felt hot in those clothes? sweat to be cool. how ironic. haha. went passed the place the boy died. new lamp post now. but arent it a bit too late for tt? pple r always doing things too late. i am always to late too. too late 2 do dis n tt n in the end regret n more regrets. probably regret my life anyway. but i plan to make up. i will. i can feel it. i will just wait patiently. pls dun die on mi now. i beg u. die later. u can die but later. not now. i dun wanna regret again. i hav waited too long. too long 2 be disappointed again. so close. dun die now. k?k. gd. am into the last 30pg of the bk. haha. plan to finish it 2day. cant make head or tail of it. but it is nice. haha. but it is chim. i dun believe he writes all those without a meaning. gonna find out later via the net. but just some thoughts. he talks abt SEP. someone else's problem. in the bk it is some sort of force field, which can make stuff invisible. tt not veri true. SEP arent tt invisible. it is just tt sometimes, most of the time for mi, i chose not to react to it, because sumtimes, or most of the time for mi, i dunno how to react to it. den it got mi to wonder if i ever trust anyone totally. not veri related but tt just lyk mi. i am messed up. i didnt. i do not. tt so pathetic. i wonder if u trust someone so much tt u tell everything to that someone? do u? i dunno. but tt would be nice wuld it? someone who could really really trust. it no use saying u can trust mi. tt sorta stuff hav to come from mi myself not u. it can be mutual it can be not. if you find dis confusing, u probably noe tt i dun trust u so much as 2 tell u everything i am thinking. sometimes, things can be so ironic tt it makes mi sick say them. haha. anyway, i hope 2 find someone i can trust. hmm. tall order.

i am in pursue of perfection. but i suddenly realised tt the perfection i am after is wat is perfect to others. to a lot of other pple. but i am wondering y cant i pursue my own brand of perfection. i am tore between the 2. hiaz. but at least i am of the better. nearer den further.

shuld i do some wk? am feeling a little guilty. shit.

9-10 tv
10-1030 bk
1030-1130 tv
1130-dunno

gp bk reivew gp file
maths 6/7
dynamics
chem bonding
bio read up

until now. twisted it once onli. the joint is more supple now. i guess. the pain is almost gone. but when u twist it. ohoh. it is terrible. anyway failed totally in studying for the class test. i am much to laid back for tt now. haha. shall proceed wif my bk. anyway just read tt someone out for 9 months. 9 months. omg. tt is sumting i cant afford. someting interesting. i will tinking afford but i typed worth instead n i was wondering how come afford looked so weird. haha. back to my own world...

1.finish my bk
2.get it to work properly
3. file gp

tt all 2dae. hmm gd luck to myself

yesterday was a blown day n today is gonna be one. i an sense tt one. haha. tried but failed to tidy up my room. instead i tink i shall just concentrate on packing up my stupid gp file. but even tt bores mi. didnt do much yesterday cos it was wrecked n wasnt in a particularly gd mood for anything considering the fact tt i just managed somehow to injure myself again. hiaz. frm my extremely limited vocab, managed to squeeze out just the rite word. distress. in distress at the moment. hiaz. i am quite sick of it liao. plan not to bent my knee for the next 8 days. hmm. just hoping tt it will heal by itself. praying real hard here. to wat i dunno. haha. am reading "life, the universe and everything" by douglas adams. despite my extreme hatred for reading, i find it quite interesting n a gd way to cure insomnia. haha. starting to accept the fact tt i hav to be slacker, or else will probably die of all the crap. haha. shall stop complaining alreadi. i tink i cut a rather pitiful figure. oh man. but i cant help it if bad stuff find their way to mi tt easily rite. i guess not. so much for picking up the papers. hiaz. shall chain myself to the bed. hiaz. argh. totally distressed

gp bk file
summation
mi

sometimes i wonder how unlucky i can get? might be going back to the doc for a knee x-ray. omg. frankly speaking. i hope i dun need to go. wish it disappears 2molo. hiaz. dis is such a fuck up.

patiently waiting for solutions to 2 maths question. got a feeling tt it wunt be given. therefore i hav to typ again. crap. anyway. quite sick of all the work i hav 2 do. actually hav done everything i possibly could for maths, physics n chem, which unfortunately is disgustingly little. i guess tt leaves bio n gp. i tink i shall not push so hard. it is tiring. going out later to seek inspiration. haha. nut rite now i am home alone. again. n i am stuck til my parent come home. sian. going out to take a look at the real world. sick of being in my room surrounded by the same old things. but it is really messy. i guess it is time 2 tidy up. yup. today? shuld. i guess.

lets see. hmm 2day..
1.go out
2.physics dynamics
3.chem bonding
4.maths summation
5.gp bk review....go look for a book
6.bio

2molo.
1.maths mi.

i will juz go ahead n try u do as much as possible n enjoy my day. yes. tt wat i will do. exercise my fingers. hmm. how mean. watever.

oh i am quite happy now. haha. just turned on the air con for the 1st time dis yr. usually i hate it. but 2day. i just feel lyk turning it on. counting the number of electrical apppliances on in my room. com, light, air con, telephone. hmm. wonder how much i am spending rite at dis moment haha. i am sneezing lyk crazy now. damn. anyway watched the news. singapore shuld just shut up on the iraq issue. she cant do anything anyway except cast a stupid insignificant vote. who cares. so just shut up or risk getting blown up or something.

at the moment i wanna do sumting which requires my own hdd, speaker n sound card. which means hav to make slave hdd n transfer file n fix speaker n sound card n install them which is so dangerous cos i might just screw everything up n kill the com n spend one whole day repairing it n get pissed off. i tink shall not to it. hiaz sian si. must find another way 2 do it!

seriously backdated on gp n bio. guess it reflects how much i lyk those subject. haha. gp is disgusting crap wif lots of hw. hypocrite. there is a song on dis..haha

Can I act like an angel
if I live like a jerk
Can I keep on disguising
Can I make believe
that I don't deceive
No..no..no

Chorus :
Send the wild women out the backdoor
My wife is knocking at the frontdoor
They made me a winner they made me a sinner
I don't know what to do
Dirty money in the left hand
While the preacher's shaking my right hand
They made me a winner they made me a sinner
I don't know what to do

When I'm riding on top of
the wave of success
Will I lose my devotion
Will I fail to see
what I used to be
oh..oh..oh

l`ll have to carry on
as two persons in one

how true. haha. i am so sad. discouraged. demoralised. frick. noticed tt i drop fuck for frick. i wonder y. fuck. haha. i am so sad.

i am feeling exceedingly stupid 2day. everything dunno how 2 do. dis sux. ok. i still have a 3 pg maths solution to go thru. i am lyk going to puke soon. argh. my pathetic brain has reached its limit for the day. cant bear to see another sigma sign. or i will jump out of the window. argh. i am so disgusted wif my stupidity. so tired bad. in any case. sch might close down due to the pneumonia. although i am not carry much hope on tt, i still hope sch shuts down. haha. i am already thinking twice abt stepping out of the house. haha. wat a scary world out there. i am so sick of hw. argh. totally drained in any n every way possible. but i still finish finsh tt last part of tt fricking prob even tho i noe there is a much simpler solution out there. damn. but at least i tried. but sometimes trying is not enough. pple always say tt trying is all tt matters. i tink tt is crap. the result is all that matters. the rest, just crap. it's sad but tt the way it is. haha. ok. but i wanna try n get the damn fricking result. bloody hell. i hav to get sumting to take my mind of work n work n more work or pain n pain and more pain. tt the onli ting on my mind now. work n pain. argh. ok. wat shuld i do. i plan to slack until 10. den do maths n slack again ok. lets us wat else i hav over the wk

hmm.
maths tutorial 7
dynamics
chem bonding
gp file n bk review n presentation(not sure)
read up on bio

accidentally close the window. shit man. hiaz. anyway, was toking abt the joo chiat pple n how the daughter is a teacher, and how disgusting it is. i mean how can a teacher behaviour in such a manner on national tv. ok. tt y i never approve of sch. it is just a thing u hav to get thru. not mcuh of a choice anyway. haha. but the show is just one big sitcom. cant imagine how can pple behave in such a childish manner. wat is the world becoming to. PHD...permanent head damage. how corny. i bet it can win funniest comedy. n the way dey bring down the chinese. i am disgusted wif tt too. complain to the malaysian media. how low can dis pple get. to think they r so proud to be peranakan, tt they cant spk chinese, tt dey r not chinese. tt is the fricking problem of the chinese. i think we can learn from the malays. in my humble opinion, malays r veri united. i tink. watever. oh no. i hav veered off course. shit. anyway, here to complain abt the obscenely disgust amt of hw i hav n the almost equivalent amt i dunno. crap. it is a pure waste of time tinking of stuff tt i dunno. where can i possibly start. but i still hav to complete all the crap. hiaz

physics dynamics
mathematical induction
chem bonding
gp file n bk review..... gp tops my list of hated subjects. it is the most disgusting thing. just wanna say some stuff tt i probably hav gone on and on forever for some pple. wat is the bloody fricking use of talking abt stuff that u cant even change. absolutely pointless. all those crap in lessons all those shit concept maps. i watched a show abt an 11 yr old kid going to africa alone to help built schs. even thot i personally hav a great dislike for educational institution of any kind, i tink tt is gp. not stupid smartass giving answers the teacher wants.

"the only disruption in my education was schooling" absolutely fantastic. superb. wat a bloody genius. pity i didnt say tt.hiaz haha.

quite happy.

fantastic day. cos it is the first day of hols. haha. slept at 7 plus yesterday. can u believe it? i cant. 7 to 7. full 12 hrs of slp. haha. i am a pig. slp so early cos i was bored n sad. hiaz. but i feel quite gd 2dae. haha. training was great. i tink i made a rite choice going. yeah man! dis reminds mi. when is next training? i dunno shit. must ask. sian si. anyway i am quite sick of maths now. did abt 2hrs plus of mathematical induction. dis sux. dunno anything. xiang dang nian. hiaz. 2hrs. finish everything liao. struggling wif all this shit now. hiaz. but i tink i am nearing the answer. or at least my ans looks similar to the correct ans. haha. i hope. try to settle it later in the nite. hmm. wat shuld i do now? i am so sian to even move. 5 liao. shit. didnt noe so late. wat the hell man.

gd luck for posting. haha. i wonder wat r other pple doing now? someone's dad paased away. feeling sad for him. hiaz. nvm. ok. i am really bored. tt y i am crapping. crap crap crap. haha. wondering wat is everyone doing now? besides cheering for cheerleading. sumtimes. i wished tt i hav cctv in pple house. u noe. so u can see wat pple r doing? lyk wat dey do in their free time when they r alone. sumting lyk tt. den maybe u get to noe pple better. or at least, noe wat pple truly r lyk. so u no need just to make frens wif their mask. haha. there is this person in fencing. quite friendly. very friendly. too friendly? i dun y also. ya y?? i reallie dun. cos i dun even reallie tok except to a few pple. lyk so nice. for wat? got motive? i dunno. it is so difficult to guess rite. i tink i am tinking to much. actually i dun really care. but i just wanna noe lar. wunt it be interesting to noe y pple r nice to u? i tink it would. feel lyk asking her. but. but i tink it will piss her off. but tt is my forte. hiaz. i just shut up lar. dun tok. den wunt piss anyone off liao. hiaz.but when u dun tok, pple tink u r pissed or dao or sumting. hiaz. it is a confusing world out there.

i prefer my own world. haha. got watch vcd. haha. a pigish activity. haha

bloody hell boring. hope flying start soon. argh. shuld i go out. but i cant walk. hiaz. shuld i? shuld i?

unlucky day. got a new injury. a swollen foot. n lotsa care on my knees. shit. just when toe old injury heal. shit man. got training 2molo. n i wanna go. pray pray. but cant walk properly at the moment. thanks to soccer during pe. fall lyk 6 times. just kept falling. but. i had fun. haha. how screwed. it was damn fun. but hav to improve first touch. disgusting but fun n happy. for wat i dunno. but i wanna. just lyk gazza. it makes mi happy haha. happy. hope the pain lessens quickly. pls pls. so much for taking care of myself. haha.

disgusting. unlucky. happy. fun. haha. skipped bio 2day 2 see doc. damn. got to catch up. sian leh. the teacher damn shit. got remedial. sian si. yesterday nite. was watching this show. the guy said sumting tt was really really rite. really. but. hiaz. nvm. spoilts the mood. but still. cant be help wot rite? anyway got lotsa of stuff to complete n learn. but to try caught up a little during the hols. but rite now. i am too happy to do anything. sometimes. i wonder wuld someone feel happy for someone else. will a not? i dunno. hmm.

find tt i am writing veri incomprehensible stuff. but guess it reflects mi in a way. incomprehensible. tt too nice a word. i prefer screwed or messed up. haha

sian si. the pain has lessen. gonna see doc 2molo. sian. wat a waste of time. cant do pe cant do anything. damn sian. i hope it gets well faster. rite now. i am totally bored. bored to death. tried to watch soccer dis morning. failed terribly. ended up forgetting to bring hp n money to sch. hiaz. remind mi to pack bag before i slp. crap. when i recover, can go training. can play soccer. can cycle. rite now. crap. sian. anyway the police is stupid. fine pple for cycling on pavements. get a life. they r idiot. cant believe wat the world is turning into. hiaz. gp was damn funny 2day. not cos of tt bloody shit. but cos of someone presenting. it was bloody funny. haha. yangyang gave birth to qingqing den to tiantian. haha. btw, they r goats. haha. corny shit. but it pissed the brown n round shit off. who cares? do i? no. haha. anyway, skip pe 2day. heard it was fun. sian si. THIS SUX. gonna hav to skip pe 2molo. shit lar. it is damn sian lor. damn damn sian. forgot to give blue slip to ct 2day. oops. haha. nvm. 2molo look for him. the maths teacher is getting slacker. n slacker. df ask mi to go movie 2dae. would hav gone but 1. no money 2. wanna watch the tear sumting show.

got a lot of shit 2 clear....try to sum first

look thru the physics test
maths tutorial 7
dynamics
chem bonding

home alone again. ohohoh. must wake up early 2molo..sian si. but found out tt there r pple waking up at crazily early time. no need slp one. pro. just thot of sumting. if u can dream of mugging rite. tt will be chao shuang. den everyday u mug at least 8 hrs. den the rest of the day can slack. haha. how lame.

went to see the doc. got an mc. n painkillers. omg. i am not taking. tink i hav a high threshold for pain. pain. sian si. this sux. hope to settle it soon. juz got myself into a fix. shit.

old injury. 4 yrs ago. it is back. pain lar shit. doc on fri. damn. waste money again. sian si. i am worried sick. fencing is damn slack. made the next few trainings optional. omg. hiaz. trying to get pple to go wif mi. newcastle drew. i am so impressed wif shearer. he is damn shen. my idol. i think he is a damn gd capt. watever. but quite sad they drew. damn lar. shit head. tink they hav a silm chance of qualifying. but heck lar. i hope they go all the way.

anyway. got my first blue slip 2day. si bei man fan. went for the yfc interview. it is so freaky man. the guy, or guys were so bloody shit. asked all those shit stuff. at 1 stage cannot stand liao. n i said the wrong thing. omg. i seriously thought i blew it lar. i lyk waited for 1 hr n come out feeling so screwed. went to talk to this lady called annie. heard they axed 2 straight a students. she said they got attitude prob. i think they from rj. haha. disgusting. anyway. managed to make her lyk mi enough. she asked mi to call 2molo to check the results. tt is damn nice lar. or else hav to wait lyk 1 wk to get a rejection card. or else up to 1 month. but she called mi abt 20 mins later on my hp to tell mi tt i got in n tell mi not to worry liao. tt is damn nice of her lar. yar but fuck tt bloddy indian asshole. bloody shit. hope he dies soon. my abstaining frm swearing ends today haha. anyway, i tink i will go join raffles aviators. haha. i am feeling damn happy. except for my injury damn pain lar. help.

anyway got a rack to fix the tv in my room to the wall. so it hangs frm the side now. free up more space in my room. frm my bed, all i need is to tilt my head to watch tv. if i change my bed sheets to white. confirm lyk a hospital room haha. i am really damn slack lar. haha. anyway got a lot of hw to do. i dunno how to survive pe 2molo. damn pain help.

maths tutorial 7
chem bonding n tutorial
physics dynamics

shit. wanted to write something. but forgot damn. hiaz. let mi think. oh. hear the 1 guy did his ppl in 4.5mths. i plan to lower tt to 4 months. i wanna beat tt. be the best. hahaha. being happy is great man. but the prob is not everyone is happy at the same time. btw tcb gd luck for ur performance. haha. we used to be si dang lar. used but den. now i guess it is inevitable lar. but anyway still gd luck even if u hav a small role. dun screw up lar. haha. i tink u wunt! all the way bro. haha. ok tt all my crap. help pain.

dom inspired mi on dis.haha

wo shang kan xia kan zuo kan you kan bu guan zhe me kan dou bu ming bai.
wo kan le you kan, xiang le you xiang, bu guan zhe me yang hai shi yao tou xiang.

wo dui le ke xue, fan le shu xue, dan shi dan zi hai shi yi yang kong
na hui chen ji man jian hong...

so lame.

the nicest pple r not frm sch. ok tt to general. but i am pissed. slp on the train on the way home. onli woke up when someone called mi. tt damn nice of him. thnax mate. whoever u r. the hell wif the gp teacher. to hell wif her. i tink i am too tempermental at times. in fact mostly. to those who i pissed off cos i am pissed. so sorry. horrible day. disgusting. oh man. worst of all.

i hate gp. n the gp teacher.

someone changed again. hiaz. i am not. never mind. too tired to change.

newton's first law. a body will remain in its state of rest or uniformed velocity unless a external resultant force acts on it. therefore, a force brings abt a change in a state of a body. energy is needed to produce a force. i hav no energy.

previous 2 post is just 1 long unhappy rambling.hiaz. even blogger had trouble publishing it. too long? haha. i am just roublesome

watched part of the mj show. tink tt the journalist is lying. do a lot of pple lie a lot dis days? i dunno. i tink so. lying is bad? i dunno. i mean everyone lies. it is impossible not to lie.u r lying if u say tt. haha. but i mean y lie? to cover stuff i guess. for wat? dunno wan others to noe. y? cos they will laugh? cos wat? y lie. y distort the truth. i dunno. i lie too. i dunno y too. i just do it. it becomes tiring when u think of y u do this n tt. u just do it. i tink i can take pple lying to mi for a gd reason. onli for a gd reason. if not. i think tt is jian lar. half truths. hiaz. forget it. just lie.

bye bye present. tt sad. so fast? faster den i expected. hiaz. can u dun? i dun wan it. maybe i am selfish. pls dun. never mind. cant do anything either. haha.

melancholic. moodiness. down. introvert. perfectionist. manipulative in relationships. just nailed it. i am? reallie? i dunno. hiaz. so maybe pple dun reallie wanna be around but i manipulate dem such tt they r. oh my god. i never knew tt. i tink i can go be a lawyer. a hermit lawyer. i rather pple not be around den to force them to be around. ok i am postively sad now. add it to the 4th sentence

i tink i will go slp. 5 50 2molo sch ends 1 10. shall go home asap to prepare for interview. ss. decide to admit my mediocre knowledge of flying but tell dem i just god damn wanna get it. simply because. because i want to. because i lyk to. there is also something after because. a word tt is suppose to lead on to something. but sometimes the rest cant be said. or else u hav to lie. n i dun wanna lie tt often. i will guilty. but i guess i hav to. sometimes. most of the time. haha.

wanted to say it. argh. control. wat the hell. ok. slp. empty. dis sux. i rather not hav this day. proves my equation rite.

2dae is weird. veri weird. hiaz. i went from happy to happier to confused to disillusioned to happy to very happy to sad and lastly to empty. went cycling. give up on gp. my gp on gp is damn zai. i bet it is correct. anyway the ride was thought provoking in every sense of the word. so absorbed in thinking i crashed into someone n near hit another. sunday is not a gd day to cycle. but arent my fault. the pple invovled knew tt. tt y they apologized. i tink. but some act smart shit head parent give tt shit commnet abt not speeding. i wasnt even cycling fast. i hope he dies. i am trying not to use the f word. argh. anyway, not fault of my. plus, i dun reallie care. started out wif no aim. no where to go. so i thought just decide along the way. found myself going to way i always go. so i purposely made a wrong turn n ended up somewhere different. never thot tt place existed even tho it is so near my home. haha. amazing. but soon found tt i was in a familiar place again. n i met a classmate. haha. play soccer. so i just went on and on. went past damai. i didnt lyk the memories attached to the place. but i dun wanna forget it. i dunno y. on n on. until i saw a board saying some grc. haha. dunno where. decided to take a new route home. went along dis prospsed expressway from airport to tampines avenue 10. eventually got home. haha. i hate 2 things when cycling. pple who tink cyclist shuld stop for them n cars not stopping at zebra crossings. esp taxi drivers. screw them. i hate using the bell cos i tink it is damn rude. but sometimes it just irritates mi so much. no eyes ! on the way home went to a shop to get some stuff. but couldnt find it. amazing. just saw it there few days ago. when to another. also cannot. decided to cycle to another even thot quite far. thot could not find. but in the end i found it underneath the shelves. haha. i was gonna give up liao lor. haha. fate. n on the way home. meet bionic man! my vice capt! damn zai n nice guy. saw mi first looked at mi n sat back. i saw him n looked at him. then a second later. we both smiled n wave at each other haha. tt so nice. glad i knew him. great guy. things arent quite the same for my class now. hiaz. i dun care. i mean lyk they want it i hav but i just dun bother. u get it. no rite. told u i was confusing. no. i am just not telling a lot of stuff. i told too much. i was tricked. damn. shit. never mind. at least i told someone i trust. u get it? haha. funny tt how stuff near u can be so near n not be noticed? lyk the place i cycled to day? i guess tt goes for pple now. i tink u dun need much time to click wif someone. it is just it or not. at least not much. leave the thinking to u. i am disgusted at the thought of tt.

got a email. quite meaningful. cant be bothered to post it.

oh man. f1 just started. it is totally disgusting. makes mi sick. but i guess tt makes it more exciting. did some dynamics dis morning n tutorial 6. i tink they sux. but den. still hav 2 do. argh. tink i am ok on the porductivity scale. hav been stoning for the past 2 hrs. yuck. haha. got the gp shit 2 complete. really crap. i am pro war. actually i am not. wish to see peace. i sometimes wonder wat it was lyk post 911. i tink it must hav been quite peaceful. forgot liao. but now all i see in the news in war. iraq. terrorist. AQ. disgusting n boring. but if i am pro war. en i dun need to do much hw. but the gp teacher wans us to be anti war. wat the hell. damn her. i will complete tt shit then ss. den i will hav to read up on fricking chem bonding. den i am free haha. hope 2 be free by say...6? can go cycling??? finish gp by 2 30. finish chem by 4 00. finish all other shit by 6. ahaha. ss at nite. ok. set. took a bus past the dim sum shop tt day. shuld i. hmm. no. too far. home alone again. haha.

gp sux gp sux sux... wif 1st term, a=gp sux and common ratio, d=sux..infinte term =gpsux^infinty-1. haha. wat crap...

tink i will go look for my hc fren. got to pass clothes 2 another. sian. a confusing day wif confusing pple. get myself less involved n it will be less confusing. but tt will mean being insensitive. huh. very chim. i dun get it. too confusing for my brain. back to gp. lesser of 2 evils. haha.

gp. but find pts abt anti-iraq war
maths tutorial 6
physics dynamics
chem bonding

ss
w...oh man...oh shit...

ps2 update...managed to convince parents to hold it until the june hols den see. or at least after the common test. feel quite sad. but i tink it is gd. probably cant control myself n screw myself up. my bro actually agreed too. haha. impossible.

didnt use the f word for 4 post liao. i tink. amazing. haha

happy day. i guess. i little mixed. tt sumting idiotic. went into the singtel shop at orchard to get cardboard box to use as umbrella. cant be helped.. it was pouring lyk siao. n i had to do stuff. anyway lots of pple looked at mi n 2 other pple i was wif. i tink i am idiotic n crazy. but i dun really care. was running in the rain wif the cardboard over my head. den it suddenly became lighter cos 99% of just tore away due to the rain drenching it. haha. ditched it n ran the rest of the way. shoes were soaking. but i am still quite happy.

worried sick abt my right eye. hiaz.

read dis. the right brain has nothing left. the left brain has nothing right stole it frm someone disgusting.

just got irritated. very. got to go do stuff 2molo. predict will be home at eveing. late afternoon at least.

physics dynamics
chem bonding
maths tutorial 6

almost forgot. the bitch bio teacher is si bei fuck. catch her in the act of complaining to chan ter yue. haha. she was his student. so naturally i guess he would side her. probably gonna screw those students. haha. said tt the students came down hard on her, complained abt the experiment being lousy n stuff lyk tt. gone on abt colour standards n amt of ppt produced. haha. complaining n complaining. from the corrider tt links bio lab to staff all the way into staff room. i actually tailed her in. haha. tried to garner support from fellow bio teachers. loser. i hav totally no respect for her. wat an ass. the feeling is probably mutual. but i dun care. haha

my 20 dollar wk will be destroyed. hiaz. i mean totally. oh shit still got gp hw. class complained to ct abt gp teacher. i tink my ct is damn nice. super nice. the gp teacher sux. some of them were saying she was a weird pt of view. sometimes yes sometimes no. but she is a fuck. to hell wif the keyword concept map

ps2 is a reality in abt 2 wks. after i read up n decide on the mod chip. parents said they buying a combined present for my bro n i. maybe cos results. yah. talked abt control. haha. how to control. hahaha. the onli way is for my parents to hog the tv. but i hav a tv in my room. haha. die liao. but pretty excited.

ff10
ff9
xeonsaga
mgs2

shiok!

hehe. last nite or rather dis morning was terrifying. 2 cockroach came flying into my room. bloody hell. i hate cockroaches. disgusting dirty freaks. yuck. n of all places. my room. once said tt i put wuld put insect net across the window. will go check out the price soon. damn. 20 dollar wk failed. i tink i spent 20 plus. fuck care. 2day was corny. pe got screwed by the teacher. i dun blam them lar. i tink they didnt noe he was pissed. i didnt noe too. in the end played soccer. tt was fun. but my feet rotting liao. no thanx to pe. i shall go see a doctor soon. it is disintegrating. kinda freaking mi out. hiaz. chem prac was quite a disaster. readings were all over except the rite ones. hiaz. sian. in the end had to stay back to complete the shit. sian si. physics lect was boring. didnt understand a thing. hiaz. i tink my rite eye is useless. degree going up. i dun really use it to see. i tink. i can feel it. i am quite sure. hiaz. how. die liao lor. shit head. how. regreted destorying my eyesight in sec 4. hiaz. regret. sian shit. mugged in library alone today. tink i am quite productive. or at the very least hav a sense of achievement n satisfaction. haha. shiok. i tink i am a lone mugger. yah. saw my pri n sec sch fren 2day in sch. had a nice long chat. quite shuang. but something he said upset mi. he didnt mean it tt y. but i just feel sad. he said i always join the wrong cca. yah. i guess so. tt 1 long story. something tt i hav thot n thot n thot n fucking thot for so fucking long. it is just so disturbing. hiaz. wat the fuck. fuck man. anyway, he is applying for rj. when he left, told mi tt he will see mi in 2 wks. HEY MAN. hope 2 c u 2! haha. yeah! talking 2 him was fun. cos there was no need to watch ur mouth, watch ur words stuff just flowed. haha. sounding so gay. yuck. but i had fun. hehe. den when for dinner wif someone else. tt was quite fun 2! 2molo hav fencing. hope more pple i noe come. i tink i am screwed. yah.

argh. 12 30 day became 2 30 cos of bloody chem lect. argh. my fren became damn on, after he nearly flunk all the lect test. he is chao on now. must be more lyk him. haha. but how to pay attention in lect. it is so damn sian lor. the maths teacher is getting more fuck by the day. go so damn fast. reallie an ass dis days. hiaz. damn jian. always say we slow n dumb, ask us to go home n learn ourselves. hiaz. wats the pt of being a teacher den? maybe it is juz mi n my hate those fuckers attitude. haha. ct said tt i am always in a world of my own. haha. i guess so. wats wrong wif tt. just cant be bothered to explain too much to too many tt all. anyway, there was dis peer nomination thingy. haha. everyone was lyk want to run but dun wanna say. got a few really disgusting ones literally begging pple 2 nominate them. so on y not self nominate. tt was wat i was gonna ask them. but den. tink tt would be too bastardly. got a feeling everyone was for the pts or the glory or power or watever even though i see nothing much in tt. my ct was dead against it in a joking manner cos he said grades confirm drop. learnt sumting. if u wanna run. just fucking hell do it. dun pai seh. makes it disgusting. hahaha. i am just screwed.

played table tennis in the hall 2dae. it was quite exciting. half expected to get white slip. haha. stayed back to mug. but it was terrible. cos done all the easy stuff. left the tough things. did onli a few questions in many hours. haha less than 5. haha. will try do some more. hiaz. my frens were veri productive though. hiaz. i tink i not suited to mug wif pple or maybe in sch. i dunno leh. went out to eat n waste time. watch hockey training n waste time. just a big waste of time. hiaz. shit . need to bathe hiaz

feeling veri drowsy now. but dun wanna sleep. argh. anyway. saw the 11a1 person 2dae. freaked out. disgusting. y so smart. hiaz. civics was terrible. everyone was filing in forms i could not even get. applying for stuff i cant apply. so in the end, just pulled a chair n sat near the window looking out. could see the ring road thingy at ghim moh. stone there a while. den when on kicking a paper ball. in the end the ct said sumting lyk i let u roam abt in civics but dun take advantage of it. tink n hope he means in general. but maybe he was toking abt mi. i dun really care. hav to wake up at 6 2molo. disgustingly early. having civics. physics prac. maths lect. maths tutorial. den nothing. got to finish up the tutorial tt i dunno how to do. sian man. the prob wif rec bad is there r u shuttles. bloody sian. ray got into the squash team. great man. gd for him. i wonder wat r the j2s feeling. haha. i tink i can detect a lot of underlying meaning in stuff pple say. lyk when someone told mi sumting 2dae, i knew right away wat he was implying. n i was rite. haha. i am stupid lar. so stop wasting ur time proving u r smarter. let u win lar. i sian liao. hunted out some old post. i tink dis is a sad thing.

anyway. toking 2 a very old fren from pri sch. haha. can u believe it. i cant. haha. impossible. i am rather afraid of toking dis days cos u never noe when u might piss someone off. n i hav a penchant for tt. haha. no just joking. just dun lyk when pple scold mi for stuff i didnt mean 2 do. argh.

ming li you shi zhong xu you
ming li wu shi mo qiang qiu

hohoho. sch ends at 12 30 2molo. haha. there goes my 5 10 day. haha. i am happy. quite pathetic to be happy cos there is no sch. but who the fuck cares anyway. had a terrible gp lesson. on family ties. i tink my concept map sux lyk shit. the other pple r lyk zao zai lar. lyk colour printer. so neat so colourful. so nice. fuck lar. die liao. screw them. or maybe it's i am screwed up. haha. training was tiring 2day. as i expected, many zao lar. cos unsettled. shit. i have less pple to talk to there. hiaz. yfc interview in 1 wk. shit. die. dunno wat to say. i can apply haha. yah. but i dun tink can get. but i will try. just for the fun of it. a cooking tip. if u hav cold fried rice use the stove n heat it up in a claypot wif lots of oil. wait until it gets burnt. super nice. gonna do it lar. cos i am home alone. again. haha. peace. btw, a levels coming out 2molo. hope my bro did well. i tink i wanna go see pple get results. wanna see their reactions. i tink i am just bored. the class is going for karaoke, or movie or watever fuck they doing. cant. cos i dun wan to n it will burn my 20 a wk plan. haha. the fricking person at the canteen cheated mi of 1 dollar 2dae. while trying to buy food for my 3 course meal in LT 1 she shortchange of 1 dollar. but she argued tt i give her 1 dollar onli. i swear over my dead body i give her 2. bloody moron. in the end i just left. stupid bitch. idiot asshole. never ever go back. fuck.

chem bonding
maths summation

got screwed by ct 2day. so sian. i have holes on my sole damn disgusting. argh. shit. argh. i going cook liao bye. home alone. no warmth. sad mi. self pity. but i lyk it. haha. i am screwed.

feeling happy n sad. took the physics today. screwed up a little. but not tt bad. so i guess it's ok lar. hav some work to do. but i really cant be bother. i guess not in the mood lar. too tired. i tink i will cheong in term 2. rite now. i still am quite unsettled. yar. got a bitch for bio. sian si. man. 2 yrs older n come n give mi tt shit. shit u back. wan yue. wat an idiotic name. not lyk the other wan i noe. hiaz. damn jian. complain n backstab. tt sux. i hate those kind of pple. fit for hell.

they got wacked. shit. maybe they r feeling wat i felt last yr n 3 yrs ago. hiaz. never thot tt would happen. i mean dis sux lar. even thot i wasnt there i still feel quite sad. wat the hell man. tt so sian. i guess they feel suckish 2. hiaz. wat can i do. nothing. finding a lot of faker in sch. so fake. so jian. fake slack. damn jian. shit lar. i must thrash them argh. kill all of them. i doubt so. haha. hating 2molo cos of sch. sian si. on tt subject. i came here cos it was the natural thing to do. some pple really wanted to come. as in desperately wanted. i wont mind somewhere else. neither i wuld mind staying. but i just came cos it was the most right thing 2 do. didnt feel strongly abt it either. i told myself i wuldnt stay if i couldnt. pple were lyk trying to appeal. if i were in their shoes, i wont. definitely. i stake watever integrity i hav left on tt. so i tink i am just a mercenary. remember telling someone i would just take everyone as tou min n just finish the 2 yrs n get out. mercenary. i am disgusted at myself. haha. but i guess sometimes, along the way, u get distracted n u meet pple whose tinking change u. i never did lyk to change pple around mi. i prefer leaving them alone. neither wuld i lyk pple to change mi. but i guess things change. haha. change for the better? for the worse? i dunno. i half lyk to stay the way i am n not change. so tt i wont meet something sucky. but i dun tink tt will happen. trusting. emotions. learning tt now.

cloud was lyk tt. squall was lyk tt. dave was lyk tt. but they changed. they werent real. but i tink i am modelling myself after them. y can i just be them for once. i tink i am crazy. hiaz.

physics kinematics
maths summation
chem test. bonding.

blah. i tink i will end up in front of the com doing work hiaz. showering. to become a clean pig. stupid. loser. bullshit. souless. not human

after intensive thinking. i noe y i am sick of the b! cos i cant apply for anything cos of the b. it is not tt i wan to get in or sumting. but it is the veri fact i cant apply tt bothers mi cos dis had never happen til now. interview is on the 12th. wed. have to skip fencing for tt. i hate skipping trainings. i tink i quite lyk fencing trainings. y i dunno. just finished reading up on physics. hav to do some work now n finish up the rest later at nite. hiaz. heard the test is quite tough. but i am amazing unworried. btw. got a 27/35 for chem. a low A. but i tink i can do much better. at least a 32. will be reviewing the paper soon. i tink i hav to plot my revenge. hiaz

physics kinematics
chem bonding
mathsd assignment 5

i hav been stoning far far too much recently. still unsettled. hav not got into the grove yet. must soon. but den it is so sian. heard a feel of them r leaving. esp one tt i am really close to. or at least quite close to cos we shared many experiences 2gether n i felt veri comfortable wif him. lyk i was able to tell him so much stuff tt i probably would tell u. including writing it here. tink he got 8. didnt comfort him cos i thot it was useless anyway. wonder wat he felt abt tt. but i reallie dun wan him to go. cos it means 1 less person tt i can reallie talk to n 1 more fucker on the way in. it is amazing tt we were never in the same class. but i tink we just clicked reallie y for reasons i tink i noe but dun wanna say. can say it is the goals, the sorrows, the disappointment and sumtimes not veri often but the happiness too. i feel reallie sad now. i lyk him cos he was the sort tt u could trust. not some fucker who would backstab u whenever necessary. tt is wat i need in sumone. but there arent anymore. the sch the whole fucking system is such a fuck. they go around breaking pple's life n dreams n hopes at every fucking single opportunity. i always thot i could do wat i wanted. i tink dis proves mi i cant. but tt the way it is. switching off the emotional side now..i am back in reality. i hav to do my sch work n mug for test. feelings take a back seat now. haha. how amazingly disgusting is tt. haha

i cant apply. i cant believe it. thanx to the b. haha. FUCKING WORLD. FUCKED UP PLACE. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

gd bye bro...it was nice knowing u

screw it. lost a post again. hiaz. anyway. i tink i hav gotten over it. but it is cos i hav so many things to do n to things abt tt there is no time to ponder over things tt have happened so long ago. tt sad. it is hidden somewhere. probably come out when i am alone at nite. hiaz. fuck it. absent myself frm the gathering today. juz felt sick. aunt called from aust to congratulate mi. i feeling sick too. i noe it is not bad at all. heck, in fact it is damn fucking gd. but still i feel lyk shit cos i tink i let myself down. i hate letting myself down. i dun lyk to disappoint others. i dun lyk others to disappoint mi, thot it happens all the fucking time. but of all i dun lyk to disappoint myself. but i juz did. maybe i was expecting too much, but i dun tink so. anyway i am not taking again. decide to follow aarons advice. i tink wat he said made a lot of sense. even thot it was one sentence. haha. yah so screw it. someone told mi to focus on the 9 instead of the 1. but i dun tink tt is possible. i probably wouldnt be sad in a wks time. but i will regret. hiaz.

lots of things to do 2dae n i am feeling veri lethargic. juz damn tired. i dunno y. maybe it is my mood. i tink so. fuck. got to mug for physics later. tt is a must. hiaz. read sumting juz now. sad cos not fielded n left. i was in tt position once. but i never left. i tink it sux. but i have never leave b4 it ends. maybe i am stupid. but tt is over too. so i dunno really wanna bother abt it. hiaz. i am juz so pathetic. it is raining again. raining now. rain has a smell. i lyk tt smell. but i cant tell wat it smells lyk. it juz smells lyk rain. haha. i am isck of doing work tt i cant figure out. juz sick. hiaz. shuld hav gone to cycle or soccer. but i am too tired to do tt 2. hiaz. juz when i said i hav not done it for a long time. i did it a few days ago. hiaz. disgusting. i shuld try to be more emotionless. almost there. onli experience 1 feeling dis days anyway. hiaz.

things 2 do
1.physics test
2.kinematics tutuorial
3.chem bonding
4.maths ass 5
5.filing

i lyk writing down wat i hav 2 do. it makes it clearer. shit sumting screwed up. got to fix it. hiaz. argh.

some prob wif blogger. a few post disappeared. oh man. heck liao. wat the hell. havnt shower. but feeling veri dizzy. drowsy. argh. 4 yrs n 1 sheet of paper. tt is so dumb. i tink i feel quite sick n disgusted. dun really noe how to put it in words. i just feel lyk fuck. tt the best i can describe it. but on the other hand, i tink i shuld be happy. i mean it wasnt tt bad. there r so many more pple tt died lar. dey shuld be feeling sad. but i shuld hav the right to rite. wat the hell. fuck care lar. pple hav different expectations. so u cant expect everyone to feel the way u tink dey shuld feel. felt lyk telling tt to a few pple. but i guess tt will be to harsh. not many pple tink this way either. hiaz. but tt life. n t is meant to be harsh. so y cant pple juz accept some stuff. hiaz. i dun lyk the b but i am accepting it. n comforting is a dumb thing to do. cos u probably juz tok crap to make the person feel better n den forget it the next min. how r u suppose to reallie feel for someone. tt stupid n impossible. at least for mi. so i cant. tt y i rather leave pple alone den go do n say stupid things which i probably say cos it is the thing to say. ok. i am juz toking cock. but i tink i am rite. haha. anyway. saw dis 2 army pple at the mrt station. i tink they waved n greeted mi. i dunno them. look lyk twins to me. i tink must be from ri. i tink should be if i not wrong. looks damn familiar. but the dressing n all. cant really tell. maybe they were toking to someone else. haha. how screwed. but. hiaz i dunno lar. i tink my memory is getting shitter. yeah. lousy by the day. i am so sick with it lar. fuck it. disgusted tt 2molo is sunday. n next day is monday. shit man, tt means sch starts on mon, when all the other jcs hav a holiday on mon. teachers r coming back on mon. shit man. i HATE IT. i hate sch. i hate everything. i just wanna sleep everything away. hiaz. physcis test on tuesday. wat the fuck man. it is so damn fucking sian. i hate tt to. it is so pointless n so idiotic. i hate it. i hate it. i am so upset now. but i dun tink i am sad. i am juz reallie angry. ya. not sad but angry. angry tt time doesnt stop today. so tt sch wil stop. wat the hell. i am crazy. i am losing it. i lost it. shit man. sorry. wat the fuck. ahahahahah. shit it. i tink i hav to conceal my moods i little more. i tink it is to obvious. yah. shit man. thid id cock. dun even hav the right to feel the way i wanna feel

i lost it. totally. hiazz. i am getting so sleepy. shit.