I was just going to blog about how heavy the rain was...it has suddenly stopped. AMAZING....and it was like pouring just a few seconds ago. The world is really weird.

Received our 'CIP certificates' today during civics lesson. I also had that impression that the administration would surely screw up this sort of things by recording much less hours. But amazingly, it gave me 89 hours which is much more than I think I have done...LOL. I am not complaining though. But in gratitude, I have decided to sign up for a few more CIPs just to help society DESPITE by tight schedule....I sound like a ego manic....haha

Skipped PE to get home early. Risk getting a white slip for the chance of blogging....haha...I really hate the RJ PE system. It totally sucks. And I am wondering why is it that I am so sleepy in school (RJ), but not in RI last time...weird

Hopping for a productive day ahead....good bye and good luck!

I just got back from a self training session with a senior at 7 30 pm. And I am suddenly hit with this bout of depression. The thought of just 2 weeks without training, making me waste 1 year of effort is part of the reason. I can't fence for nuts now. FUCK. And just talking about my life makes me extremely down.

I have realised that I don't want to be free. At least, I don't want to be free when I haven't achieved anything yet. I want to make a mark, even with the heavy academic load I have in fencing. But I am afraid hardwork is not enough.

I want to succeed. In GP lesson today, they ask as what is life about...is it about mere survival, maximising human potential and achievement, finding something to live or die for or finding what life is all about....

I feel that nothing explains my principle on living better than the ending of MGS. It is probably a combination of the last 3 options. One has to live life to the fullest...that means pushing the limits and finding out how much you really can achieve. That would be discovering your true talents and maximising it?

The end did touch something about, if I am not wrong, genes. It said that the genes only code potential. It doesn't code life. And in the end, that was why the inferior prevailed. The determination, passion and drive to succeed must never be diminished.

I don't want to be free. I want to succeed. I want 2A1, 4A, 3D and a national team sport...BY MERIT.

I thought I was free....

I just have official confirmation that I have 3 S papers. WOW....my workload have just increased by a hell load. I don't feel very intimidated. In fact, I feel challenged. But the stress is getting to me....I wonder what is my limit...

Going to J1 training tomorrow...hiaz...I really have to perfect the art of time management and efficiency...

A side note, I have to watch 'xun qin ji' today, do pull ups during the show and mug like crazy....so bye!

Slacking........is DAMN shuang...haha

Anyway, I will probably do some work and then go watch 'Seabiscuit', courtesy of Hollywoodclicks.

On that topic, I think I wouldn't promote Hollywoodclicks as mucha s before. Firstly, though their selections is huge, latest shows wouldn't appear on DVDs as long as they are in the cinemas. Secondly, the might not stock old shows that you want to watch. Thridly, the time taking for the mail to travel to and fro will easily cost about 3 days. But having said that, their service is really fantastic and the concept is innovative. But proceed with caution.....LOL


Meet Densie Keller session.....like HI...........fricking stupid and gay....I need to seek information abotu CCA points and FSI...The deadline is wednesday.but I feel like procrastinating....shall do it tomorrow instead......LOL

Today wan't a bad day at all...haha. In fact, I am feeling quite happy!

Soccer during PE was great. My class came back from being 0-1 down to lead 2-2. A terriblue fluke and over confidence on our part made it tied at 2-2. BUT, having superior skills and much more passion, we managed to emerge victorious wining the game by a score of 3-2. BUT, hiaz...put in a lousy performance...I didn't manage to score, let in a goal and at least lost control of easy balls about 7 times. This is disgusting...YUCKS...I must really improve on my first touch and ball control. Everything I see the ball rolling to me at pace, I will freak out....haha..confidence problem. But having said that, I did a nice clearance today when Donald send the ball back at speed. I trap it with my leg and then flick it from the back away to safety. But that is how moter tyco...shit.....can I be tyco mroe often...another instance was a rollover to fake a defender and then shooting a fast dipping shot strongly from the left...wahh...that was pure reflex. I didn't even think of anything else....TYCOOOOOO......

By the way, my joy is aided by the A I got for chemistry.

Life without training is just......FANTASTIC....how about quiting.....BYE SUCKER....

I shall go do work and not think of shit things.

I just completed Ace Combat 04...finishing the last 9 missions in one day...haha

Mobius 1 has shot down Yellow 13........it s a good game to say the least.

I am very confused now. I am no sure whether to give up fencing. I really want to improve, go overseas for competition and become a 'shen'. Yet, I don't want to train so much, don't want to waste some much time and MOST IMPORTANTLY, don't want to sacrifice my studies for it. In fact, I would want to sacrifice even ONE mark in any test or examinations for fencing. That is how important studying is to me.

I know that such thinking is foolish and such a thought is impossible to be realised. That is why I am in a dilemma. Tell me, what should I do....

Have the courage to change your life... I need some courage now.....

HELP ME....I AM DYING FROM THE INSIDE............

Hmmm..it is a really early post...haha..

Anyway, I was browsing through the newspapers just now and came across this advert put up by Adidas and SPH. It is calling for people between 13-19 with truly inspiring sport themed story to submit their works....and if I may add, the prize are quite attractive.

I think I do have a inspiring story...hmm...I am wondering whether I should go try...besides, I do use the Adidas 'Impossible is Nothing' posters to motivate myself....how apt...

Moving on to more mundane stuff ofr today....

1) tidy my room....it is a sty
2) do tutorials
3) R&R

.......here we go again......tomorrow.....hiaz.

The SINDA CIP was really hmm..unusual. Ok, it was quite good, just that the standing killed my knees...the left one in particular...it is hurting like crazy now.

Had a very long day....I am really tired...shall go do some pull ups and shower...then, hopefully I will still be awake to clock some gaming time.

I have to start to buck up soon and stop screwing around...but on the topic of screwing...I saw a pretty girl today........LOL

Some people are just so damn pathetic. I am pathetic too, just in a different way than the rest.

If you know what I am talking about, either you are me or you are a genius.

MOHAA madness....ofr 5 hours?

Totally draines and shagged...and it was just a common test.

I watched "Behind Enemy Lines" yesterday night until 12 am. I almost wanted to sleep during physics. I think physics is my best bet for an A....too bad that I am quite careless...hiazz......should have aced it...disappointing MAN...........

I FEEL like swearing......if not for some bastard who keeps on quoting me....SHAME ON YOU.............bitch!

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I AM TERRIBLY PISSED AND MAD........I AM THE FUCKING BEST

I was wallowing in misery...in Dark Cloud 2...haha...YES!...I played the PS2 today.

And I watched the 9 pm show on channel U...which is also very very nice....

I feel comforted.

Dead tired now from too much R&R...

Anyway, my neighbour, 2 units down the corridor, keeps a dog...that KEEPS on barking for no reason. I haven't actually had a good look at the dog but I guess it is a small one from the disgusting noises it makes. One day I am going to sneak over, steal the dog and murder it. Probably cook it for dinner too....dog stew anyone?

Maths is down....and so am I....

I have to got to work on my exam skills again. The paper was fraught with careless mistakes which took up valuable time and I wouldn't even get marks for them. Plus, I gave up during the exam...HOW CAN I BE SO WEAK........ARGHHHH

The only questions that I shouldn't have nailed was PNC, the volume and 7a.and even then, I would have gotten some parts of the PNC right and got the answer for the volume..with a weird working.........

JUST FUCK.

I am blog surfing on an empty stomach...WTH!

Anyway, I cam across this post about someone complaining how they ain't allowed to drink due to age restrictions and it is only for fun.

I am not for or against drinking..who cares anyway....LOL...But I can count the number of times I have taken alcohol this year. Twice to be exact. Once to celebrate the start of 2004, and the second to celebrate the end of Selangor Open 2004. The second time was more like boredom that made me want to play that drinking game thing. In the end, I think the alcohol was far outmatched by the water content, I ended up having to go to the toilet to pee a few times...

But I think alcohol is good for sleeping.....hmmm....SHIT.....need some food and back to maths.

Oh, recently my appetite has been really good. I feel hungry almost 24 hours a day. Shit. The moment I am bored, I think of eating. I think there is some physiological problem with me...either that or I am becoming a pig...DANG

On the topic of food, I ate the famed GHIM MOH Char Kway Tiao today. It is supposedly very good. Usually the queue is terribly long and many famous people have eaten there. The stall owner has also won many accolades from those food shows on TV. Today however, maybe because of the timing, there WASN'T A QUEUE...So I bought myself a $3 plate of char kway tiao. The biggest size available, mind you. The portion was disappointingly small for $3. But maybe that is due to the fact I am a miser. HAHA. The taste....wasn't well....special...In fact, it tasted rather normal. But maybe there is because I am no food connoisseur. However, it was still a pleasent lunch. The noodles tasted good, it wasn't too dry nor too sweet. The chill added a controlled amount of spiciness to the dish and those generous pieces of crispy fired juciy lard...oh my god...pure heaven....YUMMY....I don't mind patronizing again.

Just a note, does char kway tiao taste different with cockles? And cold soya bean milk taste very bland. It somehow lacks the sweetness of warm soya bean milk. Maybe its the ice?

I have to go check those doubts out soon....haha........BOY, I can eat a cow now, how=)

Oh man...I just read my friend's blog and he sounded pissed over his econs papers. Hmm..I think I am in the same boat..My other friend was complaining all the way after the bio paper because ALMOST nothing came out on MAMMALIAN TRANSPORT, while a shitload of histology, which almost everyone convienently skipped came out as a whole single structured question worth 15 marks and a few MCQs.

SO FCUK IT. THE BLOODY FCUKING CHEATING BLEEDING BASTARD BIO TEACHERS.....WHAT THE FCUK THEY MAKE AS STUDY THAT FCUKING TRANSPORT TOPIC AND NOT SET A FCUKING QUESTION ON IT....AND WHY THE FCUK DID THEY SET A FCUKING QUESTION ON SOMETHING THAT IS LEAST LIKELY COMING OUT FOR THE A LEVELS...(in my opinion, which is usually right.) SO FCUK YOU BLEEDING BASTARDS.......FCUK YOU ALLL........

Ahhh...that is better....but I am still pissed off. FUCK.

In conclusion KAN NI NA PEH CHAO CHEE BY HONG KAN PHUA CHEE BY....

Oh my gosh....how exceedingly crude....YUCKS.

Biology is over too....not a tough paper, but being biology, obviously I am not very well prepared...Hiaz...seems like this common test is not going to be good...BUT...when I say this, I always do well....so lets hopppeeee....HAHAHAHA

Just some random thoughts over these few days....

I recently watehd the longest advertisement I have ever seen on TV. It is the latest pepsi advert featuring the song "We will rock you" in a gladiator setting...I think it was a good 3 mintues long. i wonder how much did it cost the company...and the advertisement seemed a little out of point....haha

Last night, I catched a bit of the ''Model" reality show with Tyra Banks as the host. I have confirmed that most models are plain dumb. Tyra Banks repeated the phrase ''Congratulations, you are still in the running to be America's top model" AT LEAST 5 times. Can't she just change her statement a wee bit.....aiyo....I think it might fry her brain...LOL

As I was walking to my Dad's car through Popular bookstore just now, I saw a section selling motivational posters. According to one of them, sucess is moving from failure to failure without the lost of enthusiasm. Initially thought that it was meaningful...but on second thoughts....ermmm...what if that trend continued forever.....

I am counting the days to when training resumes.....ARGHHHH.....time please stop now...

Oh and hollywoodclicks seems too good to be true...I am wondering if it is sort of a scam..

Last tibit, the Singapore Police Force isn't as efficient as it is reputated to be. I finally get my wallet back after 3 months....SCREW YOU!

Chemistry is gone and done with. I think it was quite an easy paper. Hiaz, but sadly, didn't do as well as I hope too. Just pissed that I couldn't solve the 10m question at the end of the paper until the last 5 mins.

Hmm, as I was doing the paper, I think my peparation isn't that good. Quite a few questions were done not using knowledge but by logical deductions.....disappointed man....But I think an A is still a realistic target....if I don't get one, I will kill the whole world....

Now for biology. I simply love the period during examinations.....

I can't hardly wait for the common tests....BRING IT ON....hahaha...

Oh man...such an adrenaline rush....

I got an excuse from training tomorrow and will only resume on the 10th of April.....HAHAHA

During this period of time, I hope to do A LOT...yeah..A LOT. One of the things high on the list would be to train pull ups daily again....

Shall now go study ionic equilibrium and that shall be it.....PHEWWWW PHEWWW....

Hmmm....really hope I can do well...it isn't a matter of marks. It is about proving to myself that I can do it...it is about proving to others too......

To quote...I hate losing...and I hate being looked down upon.

Oh shit...don't really feel like mugging now....haha....never mind..shall see how I do.

Anyway, realised that some people write and talk funny. That is weird.

And, during my 2 hour afternoon nap, I had an extremely, ultra, super duper SWEET dream....awhhhhh....how nice....hehe.

My whole body is full of cuts. No thanks to the sun the sand and the sea.

And frick you...just one day more.

Got myself a new soccer ball...YEAH!...Not only do I have something to show for tomorrow's beach training.....LOL......the days of walking around in school looking for a ball....WITH AIR......is gone.....hahahaha.....

I realised that my pull ups are deteriorating like crazy man....training isn't good for pull ups...U come home to shag to practise. Therefore, I think I will make use of this psuedo break...to try and hit 15 again.....current hovering around 7...YUCKS....a bit worried that I might not be able to make the NAPFA grade....which would be terrible......ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

FAG

I have to go study now....please, don't fall asleep... This world is cruel. Only the fittest survival...well...the rest just wallow in their misery.

I am just so damn tired man....I am burnt out....

I need a miracle for the common test...SHIT...this is utterly disgusting. But somehow, I think I will be able to make it. Not sure if it is confidence or foolishness.

Training in 2.5 hours time. Here we go again......

I am sick...

I have been disliking this certain guy for a long time...It just got worse...

Simply put...don't try so hard..if you ain't got the brains...just take a backseat..shut up...and don't act smart in front of smarter people...LIKE ME.

By the way, I seriously hope to get my 3 S papers....as usual, I will zhen1 qi4.

CHIONG CHIONG CHIONG....I WILL THRASH YOU UPSIDE DOWN...YOU SUCKER!!!!!!

Oh well oh well...I really don't understand what the hell he is thinking. Scary....It is difficult to stay on the right side all of the time....hmmm...

Anyway, I ripped this of someone's blog...

I saw that there were a lot of gaps in their defense. The shots were falling for me. Pretty much when I am in that mood and that mind frame, you are pretty much at my mercy no matter what defense you throw at me. I felt pretty good

Quoted from some professional basketballer who scored 62 points in a game...

When I read that, I instantly thought...that is GOD mode for you....yes...that is the feeling of being untouchable....the feeling of extreme form and arrogance. Once you enter that, you literally win everything. The key is how to enter it.....??

Just did some work....hmm...and marked the Chemistry common test paper for 2003...The results are really very, and unexpectedly...good....in some cases, my answer was EXACTLY the same as the answer key....LOL....

I really should be more confident.....no masturabation....it is need to study...

2 fricking trainings tomorrow.....4 days to partial freedom.....COME ON....

Kind of hate to hear people say studies before sports these days especially if it is a CCA...but come to think of it, I am just jealous because I don't have a choice....

Currently it is sports before studies..but given a choice I would want both....which is possible if I really put in the effort...

But sometimes...I wonder if it is worth the effort....tomorrow, I will be skipping physics extra lesson for training.....which is a first...and which is against my principle of sports around studies....HELL I am not going to be a professional sportman anyway......

I am confused...can someone point me the way....? help.....please

Just back from Malaysia...there are a million and one things that I would want to say, but, I don't think I would write it all down because it is just so difficult to describe. Partly, too because the common test are in a weeks time and my work is STILL untouched. WHICH IS DAMN BAD....

But, let me do a reflection on my performance...

The poule draw was VERY kind on me. There were 34 fencers in all and 5 poules, of which the standard of 2 poules were terribly low. I was in one of them. But a pity that I did screw up wining only 4 and losing 2 bouts. My hits against number was also quite high...A little sad and disappointed that I didn't make my good fortune really count. As a result, after the preliminaries, I was ranked 12 out of 34.

The problem is luck is really a deciding factor in the draws. Highly skilled fencers might be ranked lowly and the vice versa is true too. A good example would be a team mate that was ranked 27th and won bronze eventually. Anyway, I fought the round of 32 adn round of 16 really well and managed to get into the quarters. Just that I have to constantly keep my concentration up and be more offensive. The quarters which I lost to the Malaysian number 1 was disappointing. I went into the bout feeling that losing was ok. THAT IS DISGUSTING. I should have kicked that thought out. I didn't have the mentality to win and went down 2-0 swiftly. Then I got back and draw level at around 3-3 and by half time, was trailing 8-5. I didn't desperately want to win as always. Hiaz...Eventually, I think I lost 8-15. The problem is not that the opponent is strong. In my opinion, he SUCKED big time. He is lousy. I have to improve my mental strength and attack him more. Thats what I need to do....

I was just 8 points from a medal...HIAZ....WHY WHY WHY...SHIT...DUMB ME

I should try out the DVD rental service YF recommended...but I have a SHITLOAD of work to do...schoolwork that is....SHIT...

I AM SO SCREWED....I WANT MY 4 As!!!

Actually wanted to go mug, BUT what the heck. I shall blog first. Right now, Holland V is on channel 8...which is DAMN bad...because it starts at 11 pm and I hqaven't showered yet. DAMN DAMN...another night gone. THIS CANNOT CARRY ON!

Something on training. I need to chiong and attack properly. That is my aim. To be 100% lethal in my attacks. I got a feeling my seniors are just trying to comfort me when they say I am good. I do sense the sincerity, but I MUST improve! Just to quote the advertisement...IMPOSSIBILITY IS NOTHING!

Getting rather jumpy about the trip tomorrow...because I am lacking in equipment...getting 2 lame, 2 head clips, 2 wires, 2 sabres etc etc....hiaz....I will do my best....


Anyway, I mixed up amphibious and another word....argh...don't feel like writing already....DANG

I shall go shower now...ran out of things to write...no, in fact, I think that I have too much on my mind to write it down properly...


soft diao man....haha

Look at the advertisement in the sports section today. The one with David Beckham....That is what I want to experience in Malaysia....


I wouldn't let myself and you all down......for pride and honour....

Human nature is DISGUSTING.

Just wasted about 2 hours screwing about.

Tomorrow will be judgment day. Sunday too.

The train is full of pretty faces. But it is empty.

Just got back from the GP common test. Hmm...training later...hiaz...It really sucks up my time man. DANG!

An interesting note, althought I live along a common corridor, no one ever passes my house even though it is right smack in the centre as there are 2 lifts at the end of the corridor...haha...weird eh?

I have 3 hours of studying time from now. WHAT THE HELL.....my life is in turmoil.

COMPROMISE IS NOT POSSIBLE.....

Damn...I have to watch that show...

WAR on all fronts start tomorrow...just watch me smash my way to victory....

for pride and honour....

I hope for a successful GP test tomorrow. I am really not in the mood to study for GP, if there is a way....haha...anyway.

Then, I will start PLAN REVENGE. I have to remember to take my suit of PE from 3-1. DANG, I forgot about it again. I think stress makes one absentminded.

I tink I will go study for the other subjects instead.

My room need a tidy up desperately. I also need to work on my pull ups desperately. Procastination has been my principle, at least for pull ups recently. THAT IS BAD.

I need to be reborn. DIE BASTARDS!

I am not giving up. Going to CHIONG tomorrow.

I am not going to be beaten just by such a setback. I will make him eat back his words.

Last night, I was so troubled that I decided to dinner a miss. BAD MOVE. I tried to stay awake to study, but failed and went to sleep at 12 am after dozing off several times while studying. It was a total waste of my night. The only thing I did was having a chat with my friend. After I put down the phone, everything else was just rubbish.

Anyway, I woke up at 2 am feeling really energetic. I didn't know why, but looking at the time, I decided that I wanted more sleep. This occured again at 4 and 5 am. At 6 am, I was woken up by a terrible gastric pain. Maybe my body was trying to warn me about it the previous few times. Not to sure, but it was really painful. Almost died. Actually didn't want to go to school but still managed somehow. Thank god that it isn't hurting now.

I have realised that I am in rather deep shit for my studies. Can someone tell me when I should red flag?

The ant infestation of my table has not been solved.

I wonder if my application for 3 S papers have been approved.
I wonder if I can manage 11 pull ups on NAPFA test day...I should train everyday man!
I wonder if I can achieve my aim for the common test.
I wonder if I can find motivation for studying

I know my life is a living hell. Trust me.

I just broke ALL my new year resolutions.

OK SO FUCK IT. BY THE WAY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME? FUCK YOU
KAN NI NA BU CHAO CHI BY KAM LAN FUCKING CHEE BY BASTARD.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOU


CHAO CHEE BY!

I am actually in a very upset mood. But I will blog the more happy things first. And then write the terrible stuff later. Compartmentalization....hmmm...

Anyway, I kept banging my head into things today. At last count it was 4 times. The last being the cover of the car boot. Oh, and my GP teacher lives on the 4th floor of the very same block. To think that I have lived here for 3 months and not know it. Who says the world was small? DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE! I was on my way to the MRT station, but when I got to the lift lobby, I found it to be raining rather heavily. Ditching my bike, I called my Mother for an umbrella. As I was waiting, I saw this person with a unique body shape. The haircut was similar too and I immediately thought of my teacher. So making a mental note of the colour of her clothes, I went off. THEN, during PE today, the wet weather program being squash court soccer, I saw my GP teacher in the same clothes. DANG!!!! But she did offer me a round trip to and from school....hahaha....

I have to return 2 sets of PE uniform to my friends, get mine back from 3-1 and return Edwin. It seems that I always forget to take my PE uniform on Monday. DAMN.

My feet has about 6 blisters from soccer. But, saleem was the SHEN today. The Midas touch I say.

I should go mug soon.

Went to clementi just now with the intention of collecting the medals, but reaching there, I decided that supporting my friends was more important. So after some cheering on the side, left with a few of them for dinner. Screw the medals. Victory is only as much as what others sees it to be.

I need to remember to pay Edwin the money I owe him. I MUST remember to ask David about the Malaysia trip. ARGHH!! I should have asked today. Screw it. I actually forgot to ask today....was looking at the women's final and forgot!!! DANG.

Anyway, dinner was at this Japanese restuarant which boosts the cheapest prices in the West. LOL. Not a bad place, nice music but pity it was a little noisy, not too crowded and clean. Service was quite fast too. The trouble is that the food, though not bad, wasn't exactly breathtaking. The portions were sufficient, might be a tad little for the starving and the prices were a wee bit steep. But on the whole, I would visit the place again instead of burning money at KFC.....I think......HAHAHAHA

The moon is fuller than usual. Everything has come a full cycle.

I have been so slack today. It was suppose to be mugging day today. Could have chiong a shit load of work. But alas, I wasn't in THE mood. Anyway, I have thought it true. YOU CAN GO EAT SHIT MAN! I SHAN'T BOTHER ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!

Ok, I shall go shower and do some work...hmmm...currently listening to 93.3FM...something about kissing.....LOL

Feeling uneasy and aimless. Today is Sunday. I have nothing on that is important...except for a few appointments that can be easily cancelled. I should be studying like an idiot. But somehow, I don't feel like doing so. This is real bad.

Can someone understand me?

I think some student committed suicide recently. I am going tot he online forum now to read up on the latest comments about the dating of top school students and all that bullshit. After that, I will go and study.

This world...is twisted....

I think the RI day and to a certain extent, the JC1 days were the best time of my life. JC2 has been terrible so far....but I aint going to throw in the towel.

I need to improve my fitness
I need to watch out for the point and not walk into it
I need to attack faster
I need to vary my attacks
I need to learn more moves and perfect them
I need to beat the blade more
I need to be more alert
I need to use my brains

I just want to be good...is it so difficult a wish

The contact lenses was for me to see better, somehow I don't think it is effective
My victory is tainted by SOMEONE and some assumptions that I have made. Hiaz

This world sucks. I feel damn miserable.

I am just being a fucking bastard. A selfish paranoid idiotic sore bastard......

JUST BLOODY HELL LOOK AT THE GENEROSITY....It is time to change....

But I am just wondering if I am getting carried away.

If you are complaining about your results, I have every right to complain more. It is just so disgusting. But I guess everyone has the right to aim high.

BLOODY MOTHER WHATEVER BITCH.

ST A23...That is my story.

I don't understand.

I know I did the same thing throughout
I know I lost concentration
I know the presiding favoured me
I know I fenced like crap
I know you are disgusted with me
I know that I didn't use the things taught to me

I just don't know how to change.

An unhappy victory. Who says victory is sweet?

I will trust my own skill. I will forget my injuries. Forget about the opponents. Just give them due respect. Nothing more nothing less. It is just me and the will to win.

focus
focus

Every bout will be a final. I will put in 300% effort. NOW GO!

I shall go study now.

I twisted my ankle. SHIT. But this aint no excuse.

focus....

Not very productive today too. hiaz....wearing contacts take a lot of time....

Seems to me that I have an ant infestation somewhere in my room because quite many ants are crawling over my table. I think it is because I eat in my room. Hmmm... I shall stop that from now on. Gotta rid the ants somehow too.....

Was looking at the A level results posted on the school website. I realised that I have made the wrong choice in taking maths S. I should have taken chemistry instead. I shouldn't have let training dictate my choice of subjects!!!! WHAT THE HELL. WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING ABOUT! I only have one way now...that is to pray that my application for 3 S papers get approved.

oh shit...someone help me.

Have been getting back results that aint good recenlty. The latest is better but still...hiaz...A level results released today. I heard that the school has done well. Actually wanted to be there to hear the announcements but I unfortunately can't.

My teacher sort of gave an INSPIRATIONAL talk today. Hmmm. I need time. I really need time to study. Not that I don't want to. But I am so stressed out by certain things that I can't work as effectively as before. AND, according to past records, if I really work, I do really well. I hope this common test will be an excellent battle for me. I am REALLY hoping. Hiaz.

The way people haggle over CIP hours is terribly disgusting. I need more hours too. In fact, I need a lot more. But I won't restort to such disgusting and undiginified means. Pride, honour and reputation is just about everything that a person should always maintain. That is what I think. It seems it is ONLY my thinking.....haha....

Going to do work now. But I seriously have no mood. I am very troubled. My life has been turned upside down. And no one is helping me. They just don't understand. Help me someone.

My fencing seniors just messaged. I hope they get good results.

I am very unhappy.

I cut class today. That is why I am home early. The 9/17 for physics practical test sort of stun me a little. I tried to pay more attention in lectures today but ended up sleeping. DARN.

I am using the common test, which is in 16 days time as a decider to determine whether I should raise the RED FLAG.

I think I should go study now.

A side note, the prices of things in Jurong, with the exception of food, are generally higher. I just paid a visit to the Double A photocopy services centre at JE. Paid a little more than usual, but I think the service there is quite good. And they look professional too...haha...$2.40 for binding is quite expensive and unfortunately because the book I was pirating was only 80 plus pages just missing the 100 mark, I have to pay 2 cents more PER PAGE. LIKE WHAT THE HELL!!!! But if it is anything cheaper than $9.80, I will make a profit. Shall try hunt for a cheaper alternative next time.

And Popular is selling ENO pencil lead at $2.65 whereas the school bookshop sells it for $2.20. UTTERLY DISGUSTING!

Spent the past 3 hours watching the VCD of 'Black Hawk Down'. It is a good show. I like it. Some parts of it were emotionally very powerful, like the part where 2 delta force snipers went in to set up a perimeter.

...no one gets left behind...

...they won't understand...I don't too. Sometimes, if you weren't in it, you won't know.

Great. The day just got worse. DAMN. I just received a mail aimed specifically at me. WOW. I am literally shaking with fear now.

And my chemistry test was WAY below expectations. A miserable borderline 'A', which is damn disgusting. I have made up my mind to be on the top scorers list for chemistry this coming common test. At the top of the top scorers list preferably. That is in addition to the 4As I want.

I should start work, NOW!

Just got contacts for fencing. It was a terrible ordeal trying to put them in and take them out. I much rather use spectacles. But, I hope this is not all in vain.

My mugging for common tests starts now.

I should do pps everyday. Just did 3 just now. And got tired. FRICK!

Today isn't that screwed up. But then, I feel screwed. Maybe it is because of the tests, the training and the stress. I don't know. But what I know is I feel screwed. SHIT.

I am suppose to be happy and slacking today. But I am not happy and slacking without a shower.

FRICK.

I am talking nonsense!

Sunday seemed like a self reflection day for many. Including me. I am extremely troubled. And it just got worse.

I am screwed because my coach is hell bent on screwing me. I am screwed because I was hit so badly during training today that my mother is worried that I might have internal bleeding of the kidneys. I am worried too. Because of her consistent kao being. What if I have sustained something really bad. I don't know if it is pyschological but I think it hurts a bit more now. DOES ANYONE CARE. FUCK NO.

Received some news that people are quitting. In a way, I am glad that they have found the courage to change their lives. In a way, I am sad because this means training will get worse from now on.

I have decieded to go for the IDA talk. It is a must and is accordance to my 'everything works around studies' principle. But first, I have to meet the seniors tomorrow to discuss about the March camp. PLEASE LET EVERYTHING WORK OUT FINE.

Currently have a lot of work piling up. The lastest addition being about 13 questions of Physics S.

I AM SO PISSED OFF. It is true that no one understands me. You might think you do. BTU YOU FUCKING HELL DON'T

The goes my new year resolutions. I have enough of people consistently bugging me about worthless stuff when my head is already cramped full of shit. This includes the lack of information about the trip next week. SO FUCK FUCK FUCK

I shall go study my 3 tests now.