2dae started rotten. becoming more rotten liao. the icq juz screwed up. my contact list is gone. argh. how. shit man. dis sux. hiaz. trying to recall wat i did. i did nuthing lor. the list. it juz disappear man. wat the hell. this sux lar. now desperately finding pples contacts hiaz. wat the fuck man. shit. i am still damn puzzled. wat the hell did i do. i tink i am gonna screw it up futher. hiaz shit man.
i seriously tink it is bad luck bad omen. wat the fuck. fuck shit. hiaz. how suay can i get. IT JUZ BLOODY HELL DISAPPEARED!

I AM PISSED NOW. even icq is against mi. wat the shit is dis man. i am juz so frustrated. things hav not be reallie right recently. shit. this sux lar. rec bad hav trials 2dae. didnt bother 2 go. it is juz disgusting. why cant pple do wat they like. y must it always be trials dis trials tt. screw it lar. rec bad. screw up. go to hell.

onli 3 pple on my contact. hiaz. shit. i feel lyk sleeping

sumtimes one has to ask oneself how screwed up can one get. hmm

sumtimes one has to ask oneself how screwed up can one get. hmm

the past wk was terrible. horrible. bio was not pp. chem was difficult n so was bio n it was like crap. my hands r trembling now. really tired. yuck. o levels confirm fri. i am sian wif tt. hiaz. sux. the yfc person screw mi. wat the hell. who the hell she tinks she is. bloody clerk. now i must try skip ct. it seems must miss a lot of lessons one. shit man. wat the hell. reallie crap lor. idiotic ass. but all test over dis wk. must wait until next wk got physics. hiaz. at least i am less stressed now. hiaz. but den i still quite sian n can u believe it. i havnt shower yet. sian lar. no fencing training dis wk. thye r damn damn damn slack lar. cant stand man. disgusting lar. didnt noe until someone ask mi to go check the notice board. hiaz mug n mug. did maths tutorial 5 n physics kinematics. did as much as possible. quite satisifed. haha. shuld i go cook noddles.kinda hungry. but also sleepy now. hiaz. how. wat shuld i do. bio was terrible. suffered a disgusting defeat. i vow to whack everyone for all test after my results. argh. yah man. die die die...everyone die. hope to get A for chem. dun tink tt is possible but disgusting if cant cos half the class got it. so much for not mugging. liars. liars! dicks. asshole!

I AM A BASTARD!

hiaz. ezlink card can be veri expensive to top up. argh. i hav 42 dollars left. tt means i spent 18. of which 7 for bbq. 4 for 2daes lunchcos i decided to spend more. hiaz. just remembered sumting. but 4got liao shit man. i tink it was a sad thing. will try do sum work 2molo fri sat sun. haha. finish all my work. not playing badminton 2molo...i tink i will juz go home n rest up. ya lar. hehe. haha.

i hope u do well for ur maths. hope hope hope.

got the form done. ic sized photos cant be found anywhere except at sir. wat the hell. chem is difficult...die

2dae was crap. total fuck. but bio test was postponed. but still hav chem 2molo which is enought 2 freak mi out. hav to mug chem later or i am gone. haha. might do some maths. n get the idiotic photos done. hiaz. sian si. juz scratched myself with the mechanical pencil. shit. how dumb of me. mug mug mug sleep sleep sleep

hiaz. i haven touch bio yet. this is getting sickening. wat the hell. some pple r just to fuck to be teachers. sian si. might hav a gp test 2molo. it is getting sian 2. cant reallie stand the teacher acting so high n mighty. i tink it is disgusting. teachers arent the way teachers shuld be nowadays. i bet most of them r just trying to make a living. wat a sucky attitude. screw the gp test. screw the sch n screw the teachers. screw everyone.

why start something when u noe it is gonna end? dun really hav a pt in tt rite. it saves time n effort. not even trying so u wuldnt regret when it ends.

my memory is seriously getting bad. cant even remember where i put the stupid pencil case juz 5 mins ago. spent abt 15 mins searching for it. getting veri irritated in the process. hiaz. i am feeling drowsy now. i lyk tt sort of feeling.

screw bio.

i am juz stressed. r u sad. i am not even sad. dun hav any particular feelings abt it. empty wuld be the word. i tink i will leave it up to fate. i am not forcing anything. but sometimes i wonder y things r the y dey r lyk i could i hav changed them. i tink i shuldnt bother too much. yup. juz let it do wat it wants. cant really control n dun really care. far better off alone cos it makes stuff simpler

sleep.

woke up at 11. haha. how disgusting. fencing was interesting 2dae. quite worth my time. sumtimes pple just r full of surprises. amazing. fantastic. gonna perfect my footwork. hmm. 2dae mugged quite a bit. hav to finish the chem by 2dae. hiaz. n try start on bio or i wuld probably be dead. hav 2 settle to interview stuff by 2molo also. take photo, call them up. hiaz. how busy man. n my dad just asked mi to watch tv. oh my god man. shit lar. was in the car last nite or rather dis morning, pple hp just kept ringing and ringing. their parents were trying to find them hiaz. my made 1 call. i think i hav a lot of slack. wonder if tt is gd. i enjoy doing wat i like, but den kinda makes u feel unimportant. haha. maybe i am. i tink i am. but i am used to it. has been a long time anyway. maybe tt y i dun really need pple to bother abt mi. haha. it's nice but not necessary. other pple r 2 dependent. wuld lyk to think i am independent. tt the way i feel.

juz remembered i forgot wat wining felt lyk. hiaz.

hav to get back to chem soon. mon will be gone to mugging for chem n bio 2. after tt the wk shuld be quite slack. then results will come out. hiaz. i am so unsettled now. my 10 dollar a week plan disintegrated. shit man. partly thanx to the taxi n the fricking ezlink card. but class fund. u sux.

it is depressing when there r too many depressed pple around.

[lenght of blog entries]=k/[mood], where k is a constant n mood ranges from (reallie sad) to (reallie happy)
iff energy level meets minimum requirements to write

just a few words. sorry mag. sorry ray.

bio n chem n maths tutorial 5 n gp file

dis is 1 day 2 remember but i reallie cant write cos so much has happened in such a short time. my mind is in a whirl

there are some many things to say n think abt but i am short on energy.

[lenght of blog entries]=k/[mood], where k is a constant n mood ranges from (reallie sad) to (reallie happy)

damn. chem is difficult. so is bio. the tys juz shattered mi. i am so sad n piss now. shit man. disgusting. i cant reallie mug veri well now. there r too many distractions. too many stuff to tink abt. dun even noe if it is worth mi doing so much. maybe i might be kicked out later rite. who noes? but cant hav tt attitude cos it will screw myself even more. but still. shit man. i am dead. juz dead. argh. FUCK! i tink hav to mug bio soon. give up on chem liao. shit man. the fucking tys is so damn hard. argh. bio tomolo. hiaz. but there arent much of tomolo left anyway. hav to mug on the train. anywhere. everywhere. but someone would say "pls go out n bring books to mug" haha. i tink it is disgusting 2. but dun hav a choice. hiaz. sian si.

i tink i cant talk really well. damn. wats the prob wif telling pple stuff straight to their face? i tink it might be offensive. but still i wuld lyk the honesty. i guess some pple arent lyk mi. u noe who u r. was saying stuff 4 his gd wot. but dun tink he reallie understands. maybe cos he never regetted b4 n never had tt kinda of fucked up feeling in his stomach for some long tt u feel so sick. maybe. but i had it. n i dun wan it again cos it is so damn fuck to hav tt kinda of shit thing n it wont go away forever cos it lives wif u for the rest of urself. damn it. y say stuff in a nice way when in reality in arent nice at all. it is kinda deceiving urself rite? it is nice but ultimately it does no gd. so wat for. might as well face up to it. hiazz. gibberish. yes gibberish. i dun give a damn liao

cant sleep now. cos i slept so much in the day shit man. n 2molo i will be so shag again. dis is so screw up lah. hiaz. i feel so sick. argh. i wonder wat r the odac pple doing now. prob in some part of a jungle camping. how shit can tt get. especially in the middle of sch term. tt plain stupidity. i tink a lot of pple r idiots. maybe tt includes mi to. hiaz. 2molo will be a lonnngg day man. read the papers. science hav found a type of illlness. lite version of schizophrenia. schizotypy. i tink i am a little lyk tt. hope not but maybe juz a little mad. cos i tink i cant tink straight. or maybe i am juz problematic. yar i tink i hav ap. yup tt sums it all up. pathetic soul hiaz.

i lyk my title of my blog a lot. it is not very poser? not too funky, too flashy or too stupid. i tink it is juz nice. yup very nice. very short but very communicative. explains a lot of wat goes on around mi nowadays. quite a miracle tt a word which is not a word can do such a thing. argh. haha. conveys quite a lot of emotions doesnt it. many of my days can be summed up in tt word but of late things r getting worse in some aspects n better in others. but the worse ones r really getting unbearable. some i alreadi give up some i try not no. some i cant. n some it seems i hav to cos it is too tiring. i tink mos pple r reallie quite happy wif their life. but i am not until i manage to do something which is gonna take maybe 10 15 years so i probably will be sian until den

i am going to sleep now. hiaz. argh.

got home early 2dae. hehe. ended at 12pm instead of 12 30. dis is so porno. haha. freaking early. i am quite tired now. still veri shag. but got so much stuff to do leh. argh. i meant the weekends r gone. 2molo go fencing n bbq n in the afternoon might hav to go out. argh. den sunday also hav fencing. i dunno y dey wan ask 2 view so much competitions. would be better of training i tink. but cant say tt. haha. so dumb.

pe was fun 2dae. besides the idiotic height n weight thing we got to play games. seriously suspect the scales r wrong height does not match the one i take during health check for yfc. trying to believe i am taller. i am. haha. had to play bball later. it was quite sian. wonder y no one plays soccer. hmm. dun lyk bball. but the other choice was frisbee. yuck. but anything was better than conditioning. haha

hav veri ambitious plans 2dae. i wanna do a lot of stuff lar so can reduce my load. hiazz

things 2 do
1.maths tutorial 5
2.chem tutorial 3 n 4
3.mug chem test
4. mug bio test

shit man still got physics n gp filing. disgusting. but cant finish so much. but the bloody chem shit. dunno wat they toking also. all must explain explain hiaz. still feeling drowsy n still havent had lunch yet. argh.

pissed someone off 2dae. again. didnt mean it though. i guess tt my talent. haha. maybe its the way i say stuff. hmm. hiaz. hiaz. sian
fuck man.

i am veri drowsy now. completed some back dated work. doing serious stuff now. hiaz. wat a day. i am juz to shagged to write more.
but next wk hav loads of test n o level results r coming out. dis is so freaking man. gp presentation was terrifying 2dae. i broke cold sweat n my palm was lyk ice cold. i dunno y i am so terrified of the gp teacher. dis is veri weird. hmm. i never was tt afraid of someone b4. hehe. i am pathetic.

had a MISUNDERSTANDING. haha. i am not pissed. thought it was funny how it started hmm. veri corny. juz silly stuff. but it is all over. haha.

i am happy. hehe. i tink the medicine is taking effect. i am getting drowsy argh. literally coughing lyk a dog. it is tiring to cough all the time. hiaz.

i tink next wk suxs big time. cos got 2 lecture test n i dunno a shit abt bio. plus sat is gone cos i going out in morning afternoon n nite.
so i tink i hav 2 mug on fri. plus sunday got idiotic fencing competiton to go. die liao. shit man. but the ODAC pple even more die. dey going camping in malaysia frm fri to sun. come home confirm super shag. how to mug. haha. shit. maybe i kena kick out also. hiaz den mug liao damn bu shuang lar. my ambitious plan of 10 dollar week falied terribly. excluding ezlink n class fund i think i will spent 15. argh. i am feeling guilty. damn....no money argh. actually i hav. but dont feel lyk spending. cos i hav better things 2 do haha

phew. juz finished the gp hw. i am so tired man. mentally shagged. feel lyk just collapsing on the com again. haha. cant afford tt. dun wanna rush lyk mad lyk this morning. hiaz. still got 1 chem question 2 do. n on fri shall surge ahead on tutorials. haha. but wat if i get kicked out? den all for nuthing. i am freaking out liao. argh. i cant really take pressure i guess. stop being a weakling as someone said. hmm. i guess i cant. haha. but i tink is normal. everyone shuld be nervous wot rite? maybe i juz worrying a tat more. hehe. siao shall drop this thing man.

wanna do chem question n read up on chem. but my eyes really veri itchy. help man. feeling a little hungry. but cant be bothered to find food. how lazy can i get. haha. 2molo long day ah. 5 10 finish help lar. but got NAPFA test. i am happy cos after i pass this which i will barring any miracle, haha damn ego, can play games for PE! yah. tt wat pe is for!

wanted to say sumting but held it back. dunno y. but i tink it is better not to say.

i hate skittles
i like lay's sour cream onion potato chips

mood=happy

training was quite gd 2dae. althought not as gd as on sat. but there is a prob. fencers r veri slack. they cancelled next wed training cos of timetable issues. within 1.5 months they cancelled 3 trainings n cut short some. it is disgusting. argh. cant they be more on?

juz got back my ph bill. 40 dollar. yucks.

anyway, on subject of money, i am on dis 10 dollar a week plan. cos class fund is disgusting. paid lyk 73 dollars alreadi lah. n juz paid 20 2dae lar. shit. on mon i spent 1.60. tues 2. wed, 1.4+1+1.5=3.9. argh. shit shit shit. i am off my target. damn. i think cant make it lar. shit. hehe. but tt is juz crazy

the gp teacher is a bloody fuck. fuck fuck fuck. shit man. fuck. give so much hw. asshole. bitch. ARGHHHH

just realise u shuld never say u noe someone well cos u will never haha. juz mi being anti social. hahahahaha

haha. i am happy 2dae. i dunno y. iam happy. juz happy. hehe. went crazy during sch 2dae. juz keep on toking shit n doing stupid things, 2 the extent of asking my teacher if she was a les. haha. i juz felt crazy. sch was crazy. badminton was even crazier. haha. just played like a manic. u noe. totally out of control. was jumping n sliding everywhere. until pple watching were laughing n ask mi to relax. i was veri relaxed haha. i tink i am crazy. but happy. haha. juz finished my gp stuff. tt was sucky. so i juz whacked it. had some help frm a classmate. can u believe it! haha. thanx! happy happy mi. hehe.

hiazz. but someone else is sad. hiaz. it is just so hard for everyone 2 be happy rite. cos there is always someone feeling down. feel quite selfish 2 be happy. i wonder if everyone can be happy 2gether. hmm. i tink not. hiaz. so i shall not go around parading my happiness. but i guess it is onli for a day. haha. will be sad n sian 2molo. actually i feeling sian now. cos i hav 2 get work done n 2molo hav fencing n i am coughing lyk a dog plus my foot is veri itchy. according 2 my mum it itch when it is gonna heal but. i cant take it. plus the sweat. yuck!

will a purple pillow case help....haha....

sore throat is gone. but still hav the fricking cough. got worse went i got home. shit. cough until my sides ached. hiaz. gonna hav 2 take cough mixture later.

things 2 do 2 nite
1. physics tys 1 question
2.chem readup
3.chem readup for test

hiaz juz saw tt i hav 1hr 20mins of gp 2molo. i feel lyk crying. hiaz help!

go do work n watch tv liao....be back later....

hiaz. how boring. home alone again. hav been pacing around the house for the past hour. feeling jumpy abt the maths test 2molo. guess it's the first test tt y. everyone is away or busy. tink they r mugging for the maths. but i feel so sian. dun wanna mug liao. i tink i shuld be able to handle it. shall c 2molo. haha.thorat is getting worse. hiaz. foot is still not good yet. argh. actually it's much better. but there is still this bit which is quite deep n quite raw. skin is peeling. tt hurts too. haha. someone is desperately trying 2 inject class spirit into mi. haha. i feel sorry. anyway, 2molo i hav 2 sit wif the class cos it is lecture test. hiaz. who cares. wonder wat r pple doing now. i wonder 2 much. but kinda interesting 2 noe wat pple do when u dun c them. got to gurgle salt water later. hiaz. watched "the rock" juz now. waited for the scene when the terrorists killed the seal team. i lyk tt scene. dunno y 2. maybe cos the bad guys werent tt bad?

sian si. gonna check up sum ps2 mod chips. haha.

its raining again. tt 3 times in a row. got dis feeling tt the monsoon season is shifting. yup to feb. haha. earth is dying. humans r killing themselves. n if idiot saddam decides to torch his oilfields, den more oil will be wasted. wat a moron. gp was disgusting 2dae. first we had a test. n i finished early. n i handed up early n got out of the class. onli one other guy did tt. the rest juz sit in class. cos the teacher said if u finish u can go n come back later for the next 40mins. i tink i made a wrong move. 1. i shuld have checked my work, 2. i tink it reflects badly on my attitude which is bad. shit. dis is the first time i have ever hand up early n leave early. i told u i was changing. changing for the worse. shit. i am juz screwed. later in the lesson. she juz said "those 4 behind, i will put u in front next time." did not do anything. dunno y she said tt. hiaz. fucked up. so screwed. cant afford to screw the gp presentation up. it is coming along nicely. i had thot of many stuff tt questions the happening of certain things haha. left 20% of it to go. hmm shall do it later.

argh. i am having a sore throat. again. dis is pissing mi off a great deal. hiaz. got it after i wake up from a 2 hr nap. conclude tt i hav found a cure for insomnia. shit. maths test 2molo. a little scared. cos i dunno wat is it lyk. i tink dis feeling will disappear in time to come. cos i will probably get used to it. badminton 2molo i tink. hehe.hiaz. got to do sum risk assessment thing. dis guy keeps on pile work onto himself. feeling a little guilty. hmm. shall help more. but he is happy 2dae. n i am unhappy cos he is happy. twisted rite?

things 2 do...
1. revise maths assignments
2. revise a little chem n bio

parents r planning 2 buy a ps2. dey spend a lot of money on my bro n i recently. feeling a little guilty. hiaz. must repay them somehow. i am hoping to postpone the buying to later. but i would lyk it cos i get to accomplish many things wif it. but. hiaz. argh. u wont get it. i want it but i dun want it.

my face is black. haha. not the first time someone tell mi liao. cos there arent anything 2 be happy abt.

juz had die sudden urge to write this down. was abt to sleep liao. Ppndering whether to wake up n write or not. guess i woke up. maybe cos results r coming out. i juz remember the scene when the chinese results came out. i was happy cos i did well. but some other pple veri same damn sad. cos they screwed up. n since the results were released in the classroom, u could see everyone's expressions easily. i felt veri disgusted at the contrasting mood den. really. veri sick of it. felt lyk crying. i tink i almost did. i juz felt sick tt such stuff had to happen. after tt, i hanged outside the classroom, at the railings, stoning. i tink i must hav looked awful. cos my den sailing teacher can up to me n asked mi wat happened. he thot i screwed up as well. he asked if he could share my probs. i told him no. cos he couldnt. cos he wont understnad it. was tt y i was sad? tt was the closest i came 2 crying. yup. he was one of the best teachers i had.

was tt y i was sad?

i hope my results r gd. back to sleep. hiaz.

i tink i am changing. it is for the worse i am sure. i wanna stop it. but i cant. cos i cant. this sux. cos i dun wanna change. i prefer the old mi. life wasnt complicated last time. cos i didnt let anyone complicate my life. david hyter said it damn well.

"can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"I was just wondering..."
"What? Whats the problem now?"
"Oh oh nothing...so tell me. Whats your name. Your real name"
"Name means nothing on the battlefield"
"How old are you?"
"Old enough to know what death looks like"
"Any family?"
"No, but I was raised by many people"
"Is there anybody you like?"
"I've never been interested in anyone elses life..."
"So you are all alone. Just like he said..."
"Other people just complicate my life! I don't like to get involved"
"You are a sad, lonely man..."
"C'mon...lets go..."

but in the end he changed. he changed so tt the ending was correct. i wonder wat he did not change. wat would happend den rite. cos i think he would be better of in a way but worse of in another. i tink i am lyk tt to. trading 1 for the other. hiaz. i dunno. i will try to hav both. it is hard. but i will try. pple hav done it i guess. i can try to. pro in tt n tt.

i feel stressed up by my inability to do wat is needed n wat i want both at the fricking same time. in a pressure cooker. cooking. dying. i hope 2 chage everything b4 it is too late. it is not a question of can or not. it is a matter of when. the sooner the better.

fuck man. i juz lost all the stuff i typed fuck fuck fuck. i am pissed. this thing so unrealiable...i am so piss especially when the post was so damn long n i wrote out a lot of stuff i wanted to say. fuck! FUCK 2dae was actually 5 out of 10 now it is 1 ...

2dae was 5 on the productivity scale out of 10 lar...disgusting....still quite unsure of some chemistry questions. yup tt all the hw i left.
did some chem, phys n revised 2 tutorial of maths 2dae. quite slack rite. hiaz. will try n read up bio later.

2molo....
1. maths tutorial 2,3 assignment 0,1
2. bio water/proteins
3.chem

shit man. gp still cant do. n it is irritating mi a great deal. wat the hell. got to watch sum fencing stuff 2molo. hiaz. dun mind watching lar, but the timing is quite crap lor. rite smack in the middle of the day n so far away so more. shit man. sian si. i wonder how much work do other pple do a day? i got this feeling it is much more than mi lar. yuck. i just hope i do well in the lecture test. tt all i ask for.

results r gonna come out soon. i feel disgusted. argh. i dun wan. hellpppp. there r far 2 many insects in my room. super irritating. really hav to get a net or sumting. but spenting far too much these days. got to save liao. feeling quite guilty. hiaz. think i must be thrifty lor. life sux. i am damn stressed out by fricking sch n fricking test. if onli no sch. hiaz. shit. all those rotten teachers shuld juz die lar. plus gonna get a relief teacher for chem n phys next 2 wk cos of reservist training for my actual teachers. a j3. oh no. hiaz. dun got use a not. i hav a lot of stuff 2 ask. i tink i saw her b4. hope she teaches properly.

gonna wake up at 7 am 2molo...shall finish tutorial 2 n 3 n assignment 0 b4 leaving the house. life is so boring. hiaz. y cant it be lyk in movies or games. so shuang. i would lyk to live in midgar. hope it all ends soon.hiaz.i tink most pple r happy. dun y also. i am juz pissed n unhappy.

shit man just did hw for 1 hr n stone for 40 mins.....this will not do arghhhhh

read a really gd article, but too lazy to put it up. hiaz.

training was gd 2dae. shall elaborate or else 2 ego liao. but i was disgusted after the 2.4. cos although i did wat they wanted which was not much. 12min. i felt quite shag after tt which shuld not be the case cos i had done 10 30 b4 last year at the peak of training. guess i juz did not put any more effort in after season ended. disgusting 11 45. drop by 1 min 15sec. actually expected it lar. but den. shit. gonna start a running program 2. haha. back to 10 30 n i will stop.

training ended at 11 30 plus plus but i hav still not started on work yet. which means i hav wasted 3 hrs. minus travelling tt 2 hrs. argh. time really flies. plan 2 finish physics tutorial 3 n maths assignment 4 first then break for 20mins. shall start at 3pm

it is pouring outside now. hiaz. noe dis guy who is damn talented in squash. but refuses to train. dunno why also. hiaz. wat a waste.

my right foot is 99.9% damaged. juz soaked it in dettol n applied some yellow stuff. the serum is oozing out. shit. much worse than i thot. argh. left shin hurts too. forehead hurts cos of sun burnt. i tink 2 many pple use dettol 2 commit suicide. cos on the label there is this small section on symptoms of overdose n treatment. hiaz. must take a demulcent drink..dunno wat tt. but 1 example is milk. shall check it out later.

abt 3 liao...go mug bye

my foot is TOTALLY DISGUSTING. it is so bloody raw, i wonder y it does not hurt. the skin is like all red n i dun even dare to touch it. argh. i tink i wont survive training 2molo. arms n face r slightly sun burnt. skin is feeling kinda tight. this sux. n tomolo gonna sweat. cant imgaine how it will feel lyk. except i wont enjoy it. i tink the pain will kill instead of the pt....haha

really dun wanna go lor. but i will go. just tt i dun feel like. but i will. u get it? hiaz. i hope they do sumting interesting n not make me sweat. haha. fat hope. but 2molo. reallie got 2 mug damn a lot. so i tink cant support their watever competition. let all the captain wannabe go. yup screw them. mugging is more important. hav spent to much time going crazy tt i feel guilty for slacking 2 much...i tink as mr mac says "there is a season for everything" so now after playing time 2 mug. hav 2 settle the bio crap soon or die. n finish all the crappy hw. ok...tt wat i am gonna do....play n mug hard..correct!

feel gd after comforting myself a little. haha.

just finished reading sumtings abt frank. so fantastic. but a bit sad. cos he had a pretty unhappy childhood. in comparsion, my life is so much better? i tink he was some sort of a genius. dun mind leading his life or going to jail for tt matter. at least you would hav done something cool n leave ur mark somewhere. haha. wonder if he enjoyed it? hmmm.

tired....shall sleep....

argh. my foot is rotting like crazy n my ankle is gone 2. thanx to an idiot j2. moron. it is damn shit man n there is pe on thurs which is trial test lar. sian si. i hope my foot recovers. argh. but bronze shuld not be a prob. but still. my foot is disgusting now. yuck.shit man. 2molo hav 2 go 2 sch. help mi. argh. y cant they make trainings on fri or mon. y wreck my weekend. argh. idiots! helpppppppp.

watched "can me if you can". fantastic. pple can be so unbelievable at times. damn.

i am feeling sick with work n test.... shit

things 2 do in the weekend

1.physics tutorial 3
2.chemistry tutorial 3
3.bio
4, maths 0-3 assignment 4

i dun hav enough sleep. damn. i shall go get some supper or shuld i cook. hmm. dinner sux btw. disgusting.

got this frm a health website abt insomnia
Use your bed for sleep and sex only. Do not use your bed as an office or recreation room.

haha. gp was toking abt whether sex was procreation or recreation... corny.

3/4 moon 2nite wif lotsa stars. physics teacher gave a quiz 2dae. i tink i am dead. all the stuff juz left mi. shit. i am disgusted wif myself. argh. n pple say it was easy. damn. i am disappointed wif myself. must whack everyone next time. easier said den done haha.

2day past veri fast leh. partly cos of the physics. partly cos i was mucking around in lecture. i shuld buck up. played badminton after pe. was dead tired. but still wanna play. i dunno y also. i hav quite a lot of hw 2 complete. shit i am still tinking of the crappy physics test. FUCK MAN! shit shit shit. i need 2 get it out of my head.

home alone again! yeah man! peace n quiet.

things need 2 do
1. supplementary questions maths tutorial 2
2. physics tutorial 3 on forces
3. GP presentation
4. bio n chem read up

oh bio is damn slack. i dun understand i tink. i tink i gonna die liao. shit man. the teacher asked me to answer sum questions, but i could not. darn. how come lyk tt one. conclude tt being smart is better than being dumb.

the internet connection seems slower nowadays. the sch coms r super fast in comparison lor. this sux. pathetic. juz watched the last episode of a show. it wasnt not bad. the starting bit of the ending was terrible. the ending of the ending was quite gd i tink. or else better than others i hav watched.

juz read abt the life of john nash. pretty interesting. i wonder if smart pple ever wondered abt their smartness. it seems 2 mi, the truly smart pple, n wif tt i mean pple as in nash never really considered themselves as smart. i mean dey do stuff 2 satisfy themselves n not prove 2 others? tt way cool. but tt cos they r darn smart. it seems tt they all cannot fit into mainstream education systems. haha. how ironic! tt means i am not in their cat. oh well. never dared to tink abt tt either.

anyway in 6 hrs 45 mins sch starts. back 2 the sian stuff. i realised by the timei finish this entry, the figure would drop. shit man. 2molo is long. way long. ends at 5 10pm. oh but there is badminton 2 play! haha! rats. i hav 2 be home by 8pm. i tink my parents shuld give mi even more freedom. yar as in total freedom. dun give a damn abt mi. lyk i dun exist until they need mi? i would really appreciate tt. haha.

i can feel myself getting a little drowsy. juz read a gem.

Sometimes I fail to understand women. Case in point, my friend A. She comes up to me and says "I don't think you like me anymore, you never talk to me" Thing is, I don't want to tell her that I can't stand her when she gets all maudlin and full of whiny self pity. Which is often. I can't stand to be around that, or hear that, or see that.. gah! I have issues around emotion, I just dont feel comfortable with raw emotion, it makes me feel strange, sort of exposed. I don't know what to say or do and it just feels awkward for me, like standing wet and naked in the middle of Times Square with a case of severe amnesia...


It's hard to tell other people exactly what you think of them


I need some backbone

couldnt hav said it better myself....wich reminds me of sumting. see if i can find it. wait. failed 2 find it. darn. nvm. but den again, i tink my life is screw up at the moment. sux big time. wat if i get kicked out? hmm. actually onli u urself will feel it. the rest juz pretend they feel for u. juz pretend. hiaz. who cares. i shall take each day as it comes. thursday, i hate u!

changed the title 2 a more fitting one. but it's like shit. will tink of a better one sumtime

2dae was fucking rotten. just fuck. the printer gave up on me. fuck it. spent 1hr tinkering wif tt bastard to get it to work. swop the sound card for onboard sound. took away speakers for monitor speakers. format the fucking HDD. install everything again n finally back to normalcy. hav not finish the physics shit yet. i am not showering til i finish wat i wanna do..so if i dun finish i dun shower but i hav to finish cos i wanna shower. yah. wat a gd plan!

the ct rep asked mi 2 sit wif the class. i said i will try harder. he sounded veri happy. why are pple so on? or is it i am so off? i tink it is both. tt wat make the contrast so large. yar. shall try put my words into action. the gp rep returned my sms. called me 2 tell mi abt the gp presentation. tt veri nice of him. thought he would not. guess tt another instance of mi lacking trust. yar. fuck. i tink pple r veri nice 2 mi. it is juz tt i am a big fuck. yah. tt my honest opinion of myself. hiaz. i dunno y i cant be nice back. it's attitude prob.

i am feeling a little better now. got a lot of lecture test coming up. shit. i tink i hate sch n myself. pple shouldnt noe me. tt way less pple 2 hate. therefore, i shall try hiding further into my shell.

i am so sick. argh. i tink i am gonna hav fever or sumting. hope not. sch 2molo. it is disgusting. gonna hav to put up wif the crap til
5 10pm. crap class, crap pple, crap sch

hav a lot of stuff in my head now. but cant seem to start lar. as usual, gave the class outing a miss. it is sickening. like i reallie want to juz get over and done wif wif dis thing. juz quickly gone thru it all? i dunno why i am lyk tt lar, i tink everyone else is enjoying themselves. dis is juz so sickening, disgusting. argh. why why why. hiaz. i dun tink i am feeling sad, not happy but not sad. dunno how 2 describe leh. shit. maybe empty. lyk sumting is missing sumwhere. shit. cant be bothered 2 find out lar. it will be tiring n not worth the trouble i guess. aimless also. i dunno wat i wanna get out of my life leh. shit. i guess it's cos the real world is approaching tt i start to think so hard? cant afford to lie 2 myself anymore? must get out of my imaginary world n face reality, which is veri harsh. hiazz. it's 2am lar n i am do this shit. i wonder if other pple think 2. dey seem so darn carefree lor. lyk everyday smile smile smile, laugh laugh laugh. hiaz. can hardly muster a smile dis days. i wonder wats the prob. i hating seeing sum pple now. no hate is wrong, more lyk dread. cos u hav nuthing 2 say 2 each other? it makes it worse when u c each other down the corridor n "hi", "bye" or pretend not 2 see each other at all. it is veri sian n dreadful. it makes the iciness even more obvious? wont it be better not 2 see each other at all so u can sorta pretend everything is fine when it is not? u find it difficult 2 just carry out a conversation wif pple u dun click wif? i find it hard wif a lot of pple. hiaz. n it is tiring for both parties 2. forced 2 coming out wif stuff 2 say. tt is so pathetic lor. i guess it's juz mi. tt y i try n avoid. it's not there.

jiu feng zhi ji qian bei shao
hua bu tou ji ban ju dou

tt so true.

8 hrs 35mins. finally finished the job. i am exhausted. argh. wat a waste of time, n i thought 2dae was a gd day. gd things never happen to mi. shit. i still hav my physics tutorial. i am feeling pissed n depressed now. but no one will understand, so not telling anyone either. juz between u n mi, i cant take it liao. too tiring. n pple r concern abt vdae dates. hiaz. i am so tired.

after 7 hrs and 27 mins, i hav at least repaired half of the fricking computer. another half 2 go. hope it will be a breeze. all thanx to the bloody monitor. i am not sleeping until a get this bastard done. but all my files r gone. cant never get them back. this is bad. real bad. word files, excel spreadsheets, icq contacts, saved games...everything. i am so fucking piss now.

i am home. dis is fricking early man. habouring on the pornographic side of things. argh. blame my timetable n idiotic recreational bad. no badminton again. shit. i tink the capt is damn slack. get pts but do nuthing. everyday hall occupied. shit. i tink i will give up studying in sch. i cant concentrate n am super unproductive lar. damn it. back 2 the sec sch days i guess.

visited the library 2dae. conclude tt singaporean dun understand english. a woman who had 7 books, which i counted, was queuing in a row which was for 4 bks or less. wat blatant disregard for the fricking sign. such an asshole! trying to pay my library fine thru the internet but failed cos i dunno how 2 do so. n the librarian was equally stupid if not more. i asked her can you pay fines thru nets? n she replied provided u hav an account! wat nonsense! my question was can you pay the fricking fine thru nets. just answer yes or no. dun give smartass answers. y would i wanna pay thru nets if i dun hav a nets account. wat the hell. ok. i tink i am just being an ass here. haha. who cares?

i pissed sumone off. again. wat the hell. it's so hard to please everyone n still be urself. n if u wanna be nice 2 everyone, then u would hav 2 lose part of urself cos everyone has different wants frm u! n tt terrible. u will juz be sumting tt changes to suit everyone's liking. den who r u? would a 'u' even exist? i tink not. merely a pathetic shit desperate for acceptance. n i tink i am not gonna be such a shit. yar. so too bad. it's sad, but too bad.

is tt true? i dunno.

the gp teacher says tt u hav 2 question who u r. anyone who does not is not normal. haha. i am still in the process of searching who am i. narrowed it down to 3 choices. fucker, loser, bastard. not much of a choice i c. haha

hehe i am in sch rite now. just wrote this for the fun of doing it. the monitor is coming 2dae so i am pretty excited about it lar. n tomolo is public holiday so i probably will juz relax 2dae. oh no 4got tt i have a faggorty physics tutorial 3 lar. shit it looks damn tough lar. i really wanna take a break lar. 2dae was quite an ok day. maybe live is getting better. haha. i doubt it. anyway the pe teacher said that 2dae was the end of conditionin. yes! next wk we can play games lar. tt is how pe should be lor. at least in my opinion.

things to do...in order of importance
1. physics tutorial 3
2. maths tutorial 3 5c
3.chemistry tutorial 2 10
4.chemistry tutorial 3
5. maths assignment 4

shit man. i juz paid another $7.30 to the class fund for tys. dis is sickening. n rite now A LOT of my classmates are in the front section of the library mugging away. disgusting. tt includes me to, i tink.haha. i hav juz started to keep track of my spending. i tink it will screw up lar. but i shall try keeping a real gd track of it. i wanted to watch "catch me if you can", but i guess unless money falls frm heaven or i sneak it, i tink i wont be able to do so. I AM SO BROKE!

i tink pple can check wat i hav been writing here. so dangerous. i shall never blog in sch anymore. bye!

5 30 pm is a damn bad time to be on a mrt train.it was so fricking packed. pple just came in and never went out. amazing how they just continued to squeeze in and in. but something gd is tt u can pple watch. sumone told mi he hate taking the train cos he dun like pple 2 stare at him n he doesnt lyk to stare at pple. tt not true! pple watching can be a great deal of fun! lyk for 3 straight train rides, i saw couples going all over each other, the worse being today on the way home, n i was standing beside them! kissing lyk nobody's business. i almost burst out in laughter. haha. pple dis days dunno how to behave man. hiaz. guess tt not my business anyway. but u get the pt? u can observe little things pple do u noe? guess what they do? yar watever.

gp was corny. talk abt animal rights. haha. den there was dis debate abt shuld we support animal rights. felt it was rather pointless. it is pointless to say anything when u cant even change a fucking thing. but i still have to do gp. cos i am forced to. so i am forcing myself to lyk it a little. gp was nice.

i wonder if studying in sch is productive. i am seriously doubting my ability to do tt. i tried the library 2dae n it did not help much. i hav 2 figure dis out fast cos i dun wanna waste my time. but bio sux big time. i am disgusted wif the subject. 2dae's lect on proteins was in greek. so were carbo, fats carbon. except for water. oh my god. the teachers all seemed veri happy 2dae. i wonder y.

i am having chest pains the whole day. dunno y. hope it's nuthing serious. i cant die yet. i hav something i hav not done! i will go immediately when i am done. yar dun wanna see anymore shit frm this fucking place.

tink i am incoherent. no i am juz messed up. disillusion would be the word.

things 2 do.
1. maths tutorial 4
2. read up bio
3. maths tutorial 3 5c
4. maths tutorial 2 supp q
3.

here
here 2!

i hav nuthing 2 do tomolo. i wonder wat do other pple do in their free time?

i was wondering, still am if one day scientists could create emotions. cos i think all our emotions are triggered by the brain? and not the heart, even though many pple still link the heart to feelings. the heart is just a bloody muscle that pumps and keep you alive man. so some chemistry must be at work in the brain, some hormone some electrical activity which then triggers of those emotions. i was wondering, if really someday pple figure out those stuff, then are we still human? we could probably be reduced to a complex bunch of chemical and physical equations and at the right conditions be recreated. hmm. den feelings might be created. coming in bottles of shelves in NTUC. happiness, sadness, excitement, nervousness. you can buy what you want, inject it into your body and there you go! yeah. so pple would not be depress anymore. tt really freaky..hmm den we probably wont be able to differentiate true feelings frm faked ones. n probably be less human. but pple do tt all the time. even now. pretentious bastards.

what did i just write? i am going nuts. but according 2 CNA.. the institute of mental health is losing money yearly. so i shall try not 2 add 2 their budden. hmm

tt way pple ban cloning of humans. it's not the issue of ethics. it's juz tt pple wanna to keep on believing tt mankind is unique. cannot be recreated, special, watever. when it is not. because all the foundations of religion would be ruined if humans are not God's creation but juz products of reactions. but i am against cloning of anything. maybe it's the part of me tt wants to lie...to lie to myself tt i am complex...

wat the hell did i just wrote????

the library is filled with pple. argh. i am sick of it. here was i, with my 2 books walking to the loaning station..when i saw the queue, alomst fainted. it was so damn long lor. sickening. a reason is cos the little kids are having their fun playing with the loaning machines at the expense of me and my time! argh. i think the parent should be more considerate. also pple should not check their receipts at the station. do tt somewhere else! maybe tt will shorten the damn queue.i left empty-handed btw. was 2 sian to wait.

on a separate note, i wonder shuld i be nice to pple who make use of me. hmmmm. i hate it when pple pretend to be nice cos they hav a motive. so i just said i did not noe anything. i lied. was i mean? i think so. but he was being an ass in the first place. i never really lyk him anyway. i guess i hav an attitude prob. haha. maybe i shuld get id caller, so i can ignore pple i dun lyk.

i consider 2dae not bad. tho i did little, i think i hav tried my best. besides, i am doing extra? anyway next wk is slack. so i can do more. seriously considering to revive my hobby of modelling. it expensive, but i have free time. i hope life stays this way. lotsa free time. dun lyk it when it is 2 hectic. i like the present. hmmm. going 4 dinner...

hitman 2 give mi a nauseous feeling. again.

boring wat a boring day. i hav nothing to do. i am feeling aimless now. sick of mugging already. arghhh

ok i have to stop going dot dot dot as in......because i am 55% already and only 9 days of the month have passed only. i am reverting back to short form again.

1 1/2 people agree with me......i shall ask more......

i was just settling down to have a nice supper....or early breakfast since it is already sunday.....and this person just out of the blue pops up and irritated me real bad........it started out with something stupid.....but i can smell something burning now......i think i am doing a good job of tolerating......hmmmmmm

anyway...here is my plan for sunday.....

1.finish up fricking chemistry tutorial 3.......MUST
2.filing....MUST
3.biology everything.....MAYBE+++
4.physics forces......MAYBE++
5.maths tutorial 4....MAYBE

i am going to NTUC to buy nissin tom yam cup noodles and "hot sesame oil" instant noodles......tomorrow.....shit tried to read up biology.......but gave up halfway.......i am feeling so sick

i finally realised why i enjoy writing so much......simply because i have all this shit in my mind and i need to let it out somehow.....plus i do not like nor trust anyone enough to tell them what i am really thinking....so through writing.....i can just let all those thoughts translate into words and no need to expect weird questions or something.......and if someone reads them......i will just ignore their question because i will never answer questions regarding what i write here unless it is absolutely necessary.....and some people might not get it in the first place......haha.......it is different if you are talking to someone.......

plus sometimes......you have things that you want to tell someone but do not want to tell......hiazz and writing leaves it up to fate........it is fate that will bring the person here to read and to understand.....if not....then it is just not fated to be......and i can safely leave it at there and not feel regretful that i have missed an opportunity???

i think i am dyslexic tooo.....haha

i like glasses......but not cups
i like big bowls
i like cuttlefish
i like seaweed
i like cheeseballs.....but not cheese

someone asked me to writer some happy shit..........hmmmm......lets see.......what there to be happy about.....think....think.....think.....ok.....here goes nothing.......

next week is great because tuesday runs on friday's timetable......and so......i get to go off at 12 30pm......and probably stone the rest of the day.......besides wednesday is hari raya...so its a public holiday.......and therefore i get to do what i want......plus friday is RAP......and i will be invovled in the beach soccer thing........do not know if i will get to play.....but at least it is more fun than school and there are no lessons........so if my maths is not wrong......it means i only have 3 days of schooling next week.....monday.......tuesday and thursday.....of which monday and tuesday ends at 1 10pm and 12 30pm respectively......thursday ends at 5 10pm.....rats.....but then again......by way of logical reasoning.......school makes me unhappy.......so the opposite should be true.....which means less school will make me less unhappy and in other words more happy.....so does this stuff fall under the category of "happy shit" or does it fall in the "shit" category.......i hope it is the former.......but i have an feeling it's the latter......what do YOU think.........

hahahah

read something very enlightening......even though i think i was not that bad.......i am in......by the way someone agrees with me....haha.....and the fucking computer....internet and this bloody website better not hang up on me one more time or else.......or else.......i cannot do anything anyway........

i am back........after getting a headache from hitman 2...it really sucks......i cannot believe it has such high ratings......some people just have weird taste.....or is it just me.....hmmm......the past few hours have been wasted......i slept.....while trying to figure out the chemistry stuff......woke up......and to the best of my pathetic ability.....finished less than 3 question of 10 in the tutorial........might call for help later......wonder if there are any good shows tonight........hmmm got to check the papers later......

i made an observation today......they recently said that elections will be held in march.....ok i admit.....i want to be in the exco...captain preferably....haha....for the points......i am disgusted at myself for being such a mercenary....but on the other hand.....i am proud that i admitted......so much for that..........everyone else has a hidden agenda.....ever since then.......most people have started to become more friendly??....as in they try to engage you in conversations....help you do stuff.......crack jokes with you.....being just too nice to be true???......and it is not......it still is not very obvious......quite subtle...but obvious enough for you to sense it somehow.....people are getting more vocal.....maybe.....leading stuff.......doing things a leader should do??? for what i would like to know......actually i already know.......but just for the kick of it.....i would personally like to ask them...and hear it straight from their mouths.......2 guys in particular.......has overdone it.......from my point of view.....and it is getting on my nerves.....maybe i am just ungentlemanly.............but i do not think it is just out of pure goodwill.......hiazz...the evil intentions of people today.......one came up and tried to lead in the organization of warmup........i wonder why.......do you know???....maybe it is the reason i have been thinking about.....if it is really as such...i would be more appreciative if he just hangs out a banner with "vote for me" and probably just do that.....i like honesty....althought there is not much of it left in people..including me these days......juding from the way i act in training.....i probably would not stand a chance....so i am preparing to give up......hmm...what a loser.......that is just me........

i envisage a utopia where there are no positions.....no leaders.......everyone just communicate on the same level.......no top down management.....everyone just shares......and speak honestly...act like themselves because there is no need for impressing the higher ups.....because the is none?.......cannot be.....haha.....i think i value yi qi and honesty most in a person.....

end of rambling........

i am feeling fucked up now.......but i have the house all to myself...therefore.....i am going to make the most of it......bye....for now....

just got home....saw my classmate at the mrt station...this world is too small.......arghhhh....anyway.....the ct rep spoke some sense today....in an email.......never knew he could do it........haha.......we had a tongue lashing from the civics tutor the day before about the class's attitude.......it is quite shit lar.......because they do idiotic stuff and all? like really senseless things....which apparently do not amuse the teachers a whole lot?.....so the ct rep sent out and email on this subject.......saying that we should be this..be that...and so on.......quite correct........i agree for once......haha

bought weekend today for 50 cents....to kill some time on the train......do you know that they give $50 for every joke published.....i think i will try my luck......can be sent be email......so it does make economical sense......hmmm......but from that paper.....i realised that some people do not have a life......some stuff makes me sick........lets see......ok....people in singapore are complaining about price increase of yu char kway and tofu.....by.....10 cents.......i mean it is not right to profiteer because of the GST.....but.....come on lah.....yu char kway ??? what the hell........and there was this dimwit who wrote in the forum....."one definition of profiteering is the making of unreasonable profit, especially on the sale of essentials, during an emergency...the foodstuff marked up by the eve of CNY are indeed essentials to those celebrating the occasion....." i do not know if i am the one who is stupid or what...but for bak kwa that is a little lame........GET A LIFE....!!!

enough of the paper....before they sue me for copyright shit......i think i am getting very lethargic these few days......hmmm.....and my stomach is getting quite bad......shit man!!!.......i do not know what is wrong......but.....but I FINISHED MY MATHS ASSIGNMENT LAST NIGHT.........haha........so that is one less burden......haha.......ok....now i have chemistry tutorial....read up physics and biology.......because i barely know a thing....filing......and if i am damn on......some more maths........hahaha..but i doubt it.....i have been spending a lot of money this week on class funds.......and the chemistry rep used the money we give him for TYS to buy HIS biology text.....frankly speaking.....i was quite pissed.....he seems to think it is fine as long as he puts the money back.........but somehow or rather......i think it is wrong.....maybe it is just me being the usual fucker that i am.......but i think it is wrong....reason?...i do not know.......but i guess it gets down to responsiblity and accountability???....a treasurer should always make sure that money he keeps is not used for any other purpose...other than its supposed purpose?.....that what i think by the way......but i think i am being petty.........i will ask for opinions........hmmmm

the new monitor.....which is suppose to be good for eyes will arrive on tuesday......it better be good.....because it cost a fricking bomb....i could have assembled a new computer with that money.......however my dad insisted......so......hmm......i really really hope my eyesight have not deteriorate.........yup that is all

i am home!!!!.....home sweet home.......actually......today was quite sian......hiazzz...but nevertheless quite ok.........

in school....i received a letter from my angel......oopss......felt quite guilty....because i was like stoning....hiazz...for penance...i wrote one whole long piece of crap in reply........it was done during lecture........tutorial........and on the way to meet up.......haha......felt quite good affer finished writing....do not know why also........I was damn tired today.......hiazz.....during chemistry practical......i was like half dead lar.......dozed off a couple of times......and then to top it all off........i said something stupid to the chemistry teacher......then he told me "my biggest mistake is to have you as my student".....i think he was joking.......i hope......anyway....must pray that he is not pissed because he is also my civics tutor.....hiazzz.......such a screw up.......

anyway.....talking to a magician now......hear his performance was a resounding success......people i know from the same junior college said it was super zai......like their jaws drop.....he levitated....fly......what the hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....i am going to learn from him........and make it my hobby.......then one day......i will walk along orchard road.....and just amuse the world.......haha.......how cool.........then i will quit school and roam the world......perform........wishful thinking........haha......

actually wanted to write this last night.......but was too tired to do so.......my mother bought me a new blanket.....it is damn pornographic.....it is red and there are like a zillion teddy bears....those small ones........printed on it......it is disgusting.......and since it is new......it is quite rough....as in the texture and feel of the material.......so it is not quite comfortable?..it has HOT BEAR NICE FACEprinted on it......i feel like vomiting.......i am gonna hide it when people come to my house........or else i will die of embarrassment....prefer my old blanket.......i think i like old stuff.....my old door.....my old blanket......haha

oh and during gp.......we had this video to watch and after that was this discussion on whether love is innate or learnt......and several smart asses spoke like romeos....then there were the extreme opposite.......a guy said "everything is based on sex".....that is dumb.....i mean how can he take such a simplistic view of human relationships....it so complex lar......and he just come and talk cock.......i think people should just not be extra and think about realtionships too much.......or read into stuff too deeply....because in the end it might just be an illusion? hiazz.....i am talking crap again.....reminds me of a saying......."light travels faster than sound. some people seem bright until they talk".........haha

things i have to do.........this weekend
1. maths assignment 3
2.chemistry tutorial 3
3. filing

i am at someone's house now........this is the earliest i have.....to date.........leave school...........as far as i can remember..........haha........i have been playing since 12 30pm......should i study...i feel guilty....rats........damn.....hiazzz
i think i will finish...maths assignment 3 and chemistry tutorial 3 by today...........at the very least.my target.......damn.i have to go to school tomorrow..........what the helll...........

just glance through the whole blog.......not a single happy post.....since my birthday.....i always enjoyed my birthdays.....haha.....went...no plunged downhill ever since......yeah........how great.........

today during one of the lectures.....i think is chemistry.....there was this person....who took the mircophone and asked the owner of a blue jacket to find her.......to get back his blue jacket......duh.........i think that was really nice??? anything.......it is really lucky to lost stuff and get them back.......but the problem is......that never happened to me before......and i have lost many things in my short span of time on earth...........however......it did not go down well with certain sections........they were going like.....extra....i think that is evil.........so.......it does not pay to do good......not that doing good needs paying.....but people do not even appreciate it!...so why bother.......i think i have pretty little trust in others.........someone told me before that i should learn to trust?...and i piss people of when i like show distrust in them...but i cannot........i do not know why too.......perhaps........it is because too many people failed me before.......and i am too selfish.......and too bastardly to be nice......trusting........with faith........hiazzz

lets see what happened today........unsurprisingly.....my predicitons were spot-on......

ok i did not sleep at the concourse today......but that is because i saw vinz?......i would probably sleep on any other day......i think..then lessons......lecturers....practicals......the physics teacher was really piss today....becuase my class turn him off twice in a row?......and the biology teacher........i do not even know why she is not in school........she is damn slack.......i think irresponsible teachers ought to be executed?....they are playing with people's future????....do they know how important is that? and all those examiners and markers.......they should really put more effort into their jobs......i do not really trust them......haha.....ok so lessons ended......pe was super slack......it was some weights briefing.......in the end......i just ran 3 rounds.....to make myself sweat a little.....the teacher was damn funny.....lame.....whatever.......his nickname is sincostan......go figure......so after pe.....went to play badminton........i cannot really see the shuttle.....without glasses......and i hate wearing glasses.....that is one of the things i regret the most........hiazz.......i am so sad......and i have this feeling...the degree increased.....again..FUCK.........reached home......and now i am online........the only think i did not do is to mug.......i might do so later........think i am just trying to reduce my guilt haha........

so you see????i can predict my life with almost absolute accuracy.....to hell with uncertainties.......it has become a routine....chore.......job whatever..........oh...i am looking forward to tomorrow.....because i am going out......and it is the last school day.......hahaha.......i am a pathetic loser.........loser loser loser......i wish something happens tomorrow.......something of a little interest.......one more problem......i am very forgetful these days......i wonder why........i think i am dying soon.........

selected a bunch quotes i received.......some are quite corny.........

"Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every
day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is
winning."
-Albert Einstein

"We try to name all our hard drives something easy to remember. Like Bum
Cleaver, Cunny or Big Hairy Pussy. Sometimes it gets complicated when we
don't remember if the file we're looking for is Assfuck 25 on the Fuckfuck
12 drive or Fuckfuck 12 on the Assfuck 25 drive. And when we're talking
to each other in the studio, wondering aloud whether running the Cunnykick
file through the Fuckchop program on the Asslick disc would help us access the
Turbocunt compression...it's really like speaking another language all
together."
-Trent Reznor amazing......just amazing....haha

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
- Wilson Mizner

i have this suspicion that i am damn bored.........or just plain sian?....because i would not have give all them about such things in the past???......am i changing?

shoot it man.......my mailbox is being filled with those supposedly right things.....arghhh......what the hell.....someone is doing this on purpose........

check this out!

Somewhere b e t w e e n the procrastination.... and the homework..... and the incessant forwards..... and the friendships..... and the calls to each other complaining about crushes!!...... Somewhere b e t w e e n the phone calls to old friends..... And the "I miss you's" &the "I love you's"....... And the "What are we doing tonight's?"..... And somewhere b e t w e e n all of the changing, growing... Somewhere b e t w e e n the classes........ And the skipping classes...... And the studying for tests....... And the pretending to study for tests....... And the downright NOT studying for tests... I forgot.......... I forgot what High school is all about. I forgot what it meant to cry....... I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy........... And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart............ I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future.......... I forgot that you can't control falling in love........... And that you can't make yourself fall in love........... I learned that I can love......... I learned that it's okay to mess up......... And it's okay to ask for help......... And it's okay to feel like crud.......... I learned it's okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day........ I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have. I learned that the greatest thing about school isn't the Dances or the DRiNKiNG or the hook-ups... It's the friendships, which means taking chances........ I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about.......... I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing. And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better. But, basically, I just learned that my friends........ Both o l d and new......... Are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today..... So this is a thank you to all of my friends. . For always being there and I love you.

just one of the many sermons........people just do not get it.......and face reality......

lots of bad memories in my head now........and it is 1 am.........5 hours of sleep? i am screwed.......real bad

i cannot believe it........i think my last post was too long and cannot be published!!!!!!!!!!!!......that why i broke it up into 2.....

anyway....i am feeling quite pissed off now.........why i do not know......i am just having this shit feeling........i guess it is because of school tomorrow?? i find myself looking forward to 12 30pm on friday? because that is the end of the week........if you discount saturday???........i do not think i particularly like school.......i do not hate it.......but it bores me......it has become a chore???......i think this is unhealthy......but i cannot help it........i just feel so sick........thinking back........i think i quite like ri?......ri was like......fun??? i could go crazy in class playing soccer......or just run around stripping people.......or otherwise.........or even hide in the toilet to skip assembly.......there were just so many things to do?.....now......i mean i can do it lar........but i do not feel like it........the reason i do not know......i think i feel sick.........yes i am dreading tomorrow......and the day after.........and monday.......and tuesday and wednesday.......and on and on and on........never ending......i mean how fun can school get??? except for recreational badminton.......haha.......which is the only thing providing some entertainment........even then....hiazzz.......it still sucks........i remember my literature teacher once wrote....."test and exams suck"......she left out the school...........what the hell am i talking about......haha.........sian si........

everyday i go to school........i can predict what i will do........hmmmm.....in the morning.....sleep at the concourse.....then later shuttle from one tutorial to the other.......one lecture to the other.....camp at the side of the lecture theater......right at the back......hoping to understand something the lecturer is saying......then when breaks come.....just eat.....and eat.....eat all the time away.......then back to lessons.......end of lessons........curse the teachers a bit.......go for badminton/fencing/mugging.....reach home feeling fucked up......go online.......complain.......talk crap......sleep...........what the hell man.......what the hell........nothing to look forward to each day........

i am positively dreading tomorrow.......not only do i have to wake up at 6 am......which actually is not much of a problem because i have to no matter what......but then

saw this guy today.......he was totally pathetic.......even worse then me........i wonder what is going through his mind when he is in school.........lessons..........right now........i quite pity him.......hiazzz.......

yeah!!!!!!! i found out why i cannot type the letter "u" already........yes......!!!!! it was a damn stupid mistake.....bloody screwed up........but after much effort........finally got it to work.......yeah!........oh....and i finished typing all those stupid idiotic long email addresses......yup.....had to do a lot of corrections because i could not figure out the handwriting of the person who give me the list man!.....berry became beny......sau became san........meow became moew........hahaha..........it is either he is screwed or i am screwed.......but i think it is him !!!!!!!!!! haahah...........

shit man.......i cannot type the letter "u" in microsoft words.........WHAT THE HELLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

just got this in an email........seems like the world is full of happy people......that is twisted......people should be more sad...

"The positive side of life"

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year. lame

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on. even lamer

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live. the more shit you live through too.....just do what you want and get out of earth

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open. i have dead bolted all the doors and windows....

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them? obviously cos they did not waste time.....remains me of something...haha

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us. did the dead they them that?

If Walmart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet? use your brains pal!

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person. i do not think so........haha

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once. tell me about them man.....

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened. this is way too optimistic

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box. not quite the same for people though....

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour. i cannot

Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!.. is that so......bullshit......people think you are crap but say you are great.....

wow.......someone or something answered my prayers........homework was quite a breeze today....haha......that is a first........later on this......first i want to complain

people are damn idiotic these days man! why do they have to have such long email address????.....why.....why tell me why......espcially when i have to type them out.......screw it.......let me give you some classic examples of fricking stupid.....not to mention long email address.......blanked out all the letters with *.......hehe

1.**************************@hotmail.com......what the fuck.......yar.....when i finish typing....i will be a million years old.......
2.*_*_*_*_*_*@yahoo.com.sg....
3.*************@hotmail.com

i wonder why these people do not use fucker@fuckedup.com........

tomorrow is my loooooooooonnnnnnnngggggg day....ends at 5:10pm.......heard that my biology teacher is not coming tomorrow......damn slack man....but i have such a bloody long day......oh god.......7:40 am to 5:10 pm........and only one 40 minutes break....plus i have gp tomorrow......this is a gross violation of basic human rights......no time for lunch too!!!! what the hell.......and i have pe at the end......which means exercising on an empty stomach.........i really hope it is 2.4km trial test tomorrow........haha.....i only need to come in at 12.40 to get a D.......which is way way easy........but 1hour and 20 minutes.......shit......i hope........i just hope.......

and i like pepper!

just finish reading something sent by nanyang polytechnic..like trying to sell how good polytechnic is when everyone know it is not hiazzz...the whole thing was bullshit except for a sentence.......

"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads."-Erica Jong

applicable to everyone except me because....1. i do not fall under the category of everyone......2. even if i had talent......i would not have the courage....

one finally thing before i go sleep...........I REALLY HOPE SOMEDAY I WILL BE LESS STRESSED UP AND KNOW MY WORK.....FUCK..........

HORRAAAAYYYYYYYY....my class is going ice-skating with the senior class next week.....ya....like i am really interested......haha....screw it man......1.what is so fun about ice-skating.....i always have this fear that one day you might fall and someone just skates right past......severing all your fingers........haha..........2.jurong......ice-skate at jurong......from one end of singapore to the other......what the hell.........hiazzz.......i am just fucked up lar.......hahaha.....i notice the vulgarities are creeping back into my vocabulary......it was never gone......but it is getting worse......

going out on friday.......hope by that time i will feel less fucked up......mugging will be more successful.........and i will be in a better mood......fuck.........fuck........fuck.......fuck.........fuck......fuck ( i just thought of something....but do not want to write it down.......i really am a pitiful existance........as aaron says )ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......just want to bang my head against the bloody wall.......shit.......

stupid lecturers.......stupid tutors........stupid j2.......stupid j1.......stupid school......stupid everyone and everything......stupid life....stupid stupid stupid stupid........i am beginning to hate gp again.......compiled this chart of most hated people with someone......the gp teacher heads the list.........runaway leader....haha.......going to give her 10 more points....for acting like a total asshole today......yeah.......10 more..........i am just so drained out.......i am going to give biology a miss.........

damn it man.......8 more dollars gone.....gone with the wind........no thanks to chemistry ten year series........and the bloody idiotic chemistry lecturer today......do not even know what the hell she was talking about....and i was paying more than 100% attention to her.....and she just like blaze through the bloody notes which was totally insufficient......i got a good mind to shoot a bullet right through her mouth shattering all those teeth..all the blood and serum go gushing out.....haha.....then she probably cannot talk anymore........haha.....damn irresponsible..........i cannot believe this........

i have 3 biology questions to finish by tonight.......oh god.........and i do not know how to even start.......droppings.....i think i will just bullshit and fake her tomorrow........hiazzz how pathetic man......as i was going home........saw this ri guy and a girl........when they heard we just finished mugging......they like "huh......first 3 months must mug ?!?!".......screw off lar.......what fucking nonsense......do not talk when you only sprout shit.......shit and more shit...........

ok aaron is giving up canoeing for council.......just a matter of days after he told me to hell with council and ambitions.......haha.....i really do not know what to say man.....lost for words......the apple i am eating now taste very sour.......it is horrible.......aaron.......if you are reading this.....DO WHAT THE FUCKING HELL YOU WANT TO DO......NOT WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU IS RIGHT! but you probably would not listen to me....so anyway.....it is your life.......

read this from somewhere........"and in this vicious game of life you get no second chance/ if you refuse to twirl now you'll be too alone to dance" this is so depressing.......haha........vicious game of life.......that is a good one....people these days are damn cunning....haha....and what is so bad about be alone........weird......

i think i am screwed i said i did not want to post it...but i posted it........hahahah...........

i am damn fucked up now.....! my parents are irritating me.......my brother has just gone back to army camp and forgot to call home until just.......10 mintues ago.......and they were like so anxious and worried......what the fuck man........what can possibly happen when they were the ones who saw him off at bloody pasir ris interchange??? tell me about it!!!!!!!!!!! and my mother cried again........fuck.......fuck......just fuck it.........i hate it when people cry.......cry for bloody fucking nothing......will it continue for the next 2 1/2 years???? oh my god........you should not cry for nothing.........at least something worth crying......not because you cannot see someone for 5 days!!!! that is dumb......the last time i cried.......as far as i can remember.......was 2 years ago.......thats it.......have not shed a tear since then.......then my father was like damn unhappy complaining......complaining.........and the worse of all......refused to let me use the bloody phone or the bloody internet..........mind you there are 3 stupid handphones in my house.....if my brother is that stupid to call one of them when he cannot get through the house line.......then he probably should just go eat shit.......which thankfully is not the case.......they were like hoping that he will call the next moment or something......so ALL the lines MUST BE OPEN.........what the hell man.........when i go to army......i would prefer that they just forget about me lor.......you know.....it makes life so much simpler......no need to listen to all the shit....all the sobbing.......all the nonsense........damn it!!!!!! a bloody insect just flew into my room.......shit! i cannot believe it.......what a bright start to the day.....yeahhh......shittttttttttttt

i have just found out i still do not understand a lot of maths.......and that is getting onto my nerves......fuck teachers fuck lecturers fuck school fuck myself.....

i am damn vulgar today......hiazz problem kid......

from gamefaqs.com

Cloud main problem was an arrogant streak, which became his greatest weakness.
He wanted to be part of the gang, but he also felt superior. He was torn by
the desire to belong, but also the desire to be the greatest.

Cloud: "I used to think... they were all stupid."

Tifa: "What?"

Cloud: "You were all childish, laughing at every little stupid thing."

Tifa: "But we were children, back then."

Cloud: "...I know. I'm the one that was stupid. I really wanted to play with
everyone, but I was never allowed into the group. Then later... I began to
think I was different... That I was different from those immature kids."
(Lifestream Sequence)

When he found out he wasn't the greatest, the shame it induced in him made him
cut himself off from his family and friends and much readier to believe his
memories acquired from Zack were the truth of his life.

ii) Why did he lie about his past?

Cloud didn't lie, he genuinely believed what he was saying when he told
everyone about the Nibelheim incident and being in SOLDIER. The effects of the
experiments he underwent afterwards and his prior problems with shame and low
self-esteem conspired to produce a split personality that was not healed until
Tifa visited his subconscious in the Lifestream. For detailed proof of this
refer to Zack and Clouds Escape from Nibelheim transcribed in the next section.

iii) Why did he obey Sephiroth's commands and why did he freak out?

Cloud is suffering from mental fragility bought about by his conflicting
memories of the past few years. As Sephiroth undermines his confidence
further, his self-doubt becomes crippling. The Jenova cells in Cloud allow
Sephiroth some mental control over him as well (the pains and blackouts he has
in the first half of the game as well as his realisation that Sephiroth was
summoning him to the Great North Cave). His childhood also shows a boy who
wanted to belong, but was afraid to get involved. As he realises he may not be
the man he thought he was but a clone he begins to find the idea of belonging
to Hojo's group of clones desirable and pathetically asks for a number. When
Hojo labels Cloud a failure and turns his back on him his fragile sense of self
finally shatters. This all comes to a head in the Great North Cave sequence.

Believing himself to be a failed clone given the identity of the kind of brave
and popular man he had always thought himself to be (he actually says to Tifa:
"I never lived up to being 'Cloud', Tifa... Maybe one day you'll meet the real
'Cloud'.") he basically has a severe nervous breakdown. Only through the
actions of Tifa, who forces him confront and reveal the truth, does he allow
himself to finally accept that although he wasn't the man he thought he was, he
is still a brave fighter and loyal friend (The Lifestream Sequence). This
coming to terms with himself and his past allows him to heal and reject
Sephiroth's control. After the Lifestream sequence Cloud sums up what had
happened to him thusly:

Cloud: "I left my village looking for glory, but never made it in to
SOLDIER...... I was so ashamed of being so weak; then I heard this story from
my friend Zack... And I created an illusion of myself made up of what I had
seen
in my life..... And I continued to play the charade as if it were true. I'm
physically built like someone in SOLDIER. Hojo's plan to clone Sephiroth wasn't
that different. It was just the same procedure they use when creating members
of SOLDIER. You see, someone in SOLDIER isn't simply exposed to Mako energy.
Their bodies are actually injected with Jenova cells...... For better or for
worse, only the strong can enter SOLDIER. It has nothing to do with the Jenova
Reunion. But weak people...... like me, get lost in the whole thing. The
combination of Jenova cells, Sephiroth's strong will, and my own weaknesses are
what created me. Everyone knew that. I'm...... Cloud, the master of my own
illusionary world. But I can't remain trapped in an illusion any more...... I'm
going to live my life without pretending."

Tifa: "You're sure messed up, Cloud!"

The final sequence of the last battle against Sephiroth is symbolic of Cloud
ridding himself of the last molecules of Jenova and Sephiroth's influence on
him for good.

Charkie also sent me an interesting interpretation on Sephiroths hold over
Cloud connected to the Cabbalistic meaning behind his name:

"I read a chapter about a concept called "gilgul," which means "transmigration
of souls" (AKA reincarnation). Apparently there are different schools of
thought in Kabbalah about the variety and extent to which this occurs. If
applied correctly, this explains a lot about FFVII. The Lifestream would be the
collection of souls, ready to be reborn elsewhere as other humans, or other
living things such as animals or plants (As shown in Bugenhagen's machine), or
possibly even inorganic matter. There's a Kabbalistic idea of "dybbuk," which
is person that died, but who, as an 'unclean' spirit, can attach itself to the
living and basically possess them. This explains Sephiroth's control of Cloud
quite adequately. Sephiroth left his body five years prior to the game's start,
and when he goes back in... Well, did he exude his power over Cloud anymore? I
don't remember... If not, then this is probably what was intended. Of course,
like I said, there are differing - and mutually exclusive - schools of thought
on the subject."

how true.............

just read something from someone's blog......hmmmmm......wanted to post it here....but it was way too long......hiazz....anyway it was about what she would do if she dies [insert time] from now........got me really thinking........

if i were to die......ten thing i would like to do.......in order

1.achieve my ambition.........
2.ask everyone what they think of me.......honestly.....because i think the world is such a screwed place that saying you are honest is a lie in itself???? how ironic.......
3.kill edward ng
4.tell the people that know me sorry because they know me .....
5.make everyone forget about me.....not that many anyway......so that they will not be sad.....(especially my family)
6.think about stuff that i have screwed up....make a list and write about my feelings
7.donate my organs.....how many people wants a black heart.......hands up!
8.do 2 things differently.......the 2 i regretted the most......hiazzzz
9.understand all my homework........haha
10.choose my own way of dying

just read this from someone's blog......hmmmmm

start

i've wanted to do this for a long time. i seldom think about my future. so here goes.....

if i were to die one year from now, i'd.....
-learn how to play the drums
-learn astrology
-become an active and flirt with as many girls as i wanted *just kidding*
-go to every orphanage or old folks home or hospital in singapore and do whatever i can to help them *if im actually counted as useful. but quoting from the parents, im quite useless*
-make 1000 of those origami flowers

if i were to die half a year from now, i'd.....
-travel to whales. i've always wanted to go there
-memorise all the names of the teachers in my school *sincerely, i cant remember half of their names*
-visit ij primary toa payoh more often
-patch up with my ex-primary school friends *we're not close anymore*

if i were to die one month from now, i'd.....
-get to know the tood
-spend more time with my family *well, at least half of them*
-get to know more people. so that i wont feel so lonely on my deathbed
-be nicer to my friends *i know im horrible to them. sorry*
-try to stop hating at least half of the world. heh
-make gifts like little glass jars with dried rose petals inside and give them to everybody i know

if i were to die one fortnight from now, i'd.....
-punish myself for all the horrible things i've done
-smile to everybody i meet on the streets
-spend my weekend with my parents at sentosa
-watch *nightmare before xmas* at least 5 times

if i were to die one week from now, i'd.....
-do the arrangements for my funeral. i want it to be real special.
-choose my coffin. nah, dont wanna be cremated.
-have a barbecue at pasir ris resort. only people from my level will be invited.
-thank all my teachers for teaching me whatever they taught me
-send the invitation cards for my funeral
-count the stars in the night and name each of them after all the special people in my life
-clear all misunderstandings

if i were to die tomorrow, i'd.....
-hug everybody i know
-tell [ ] how much i love [ ] and talk about how much i regretted not being with [ ]
-send all my clothes to the salvation army
-donate all my money to charities *if i actually have any money*
-go to all the wonderful places in singapore that i've never been to with anybody who's willing to spend some quality time with me *if you consider quality carefully*

if i were to die one hour from now, i'd.....
-cry. because im gonna miss everyone when im gone
-laugh. im gonna die soon. i should be happy.
-smirk. im doing something good. after my death, everybody will be like *good riddance*.
-really really cry.
-go to the beach. i wanna die at the shore.
-kiss [ ] *pity the person right* and tell [ ] how much this means to me, being with [ ] during the last moments of my life. and then i'd hold [ ]'s hand and never let go. even when im dead. lol, poor thing. oyeah. the last words i'll say will be *i love you* haha. of course to [ ] lah, if not who else.

if i were to die 5 secs from now, i'd.....
-tell my mum to donate all my organs to those who need it. if my organs are of any use, of course.
-be breathing rapidly. and then my eyes will be closed. and i'll smile. RIP riana.

for the first time and last......i will study at Mcdonald's.......becuase it was not very productive...it will probably fail the aaron's productivity test.......the food was so terrible.......as in so tempting.....and people were like moving here and there.......talking crap.....i heard quite a lot of those crap.......so i guess i was not really studying.......it was just an excuse to get out......i think.....to just slack and stone.......hiazzz.......i have a problem.........

anyway........2 old women engaged me in a conversation......there were like those english educated grannies.....anyway....i was with this hc person and we were talking about our school and all those stupid things......then suddenly they asked what class were we from..why were we together...so had to go on a lenghtly explanation.......details of which would bored you.....anyway.......then they asked "arent rj and hcjc suppose to be rivals".......like so?????? who gives a FUCK........haha.......am i to carry a parang to hack all hc people? that question was ridiculous......before they left........they wished my good luck in my studying....that was nice.....but i have this feeling that they probably think we were just fucking around........they were right.....i have drawn three conclusions........

1.they are teachers in hc
2.they have children or some relative in hc
3.they were from hc.....(unlikely)

one more conversation.......from some not so beng bengs........complaining about how spicy the new MCrispy was.....trust me....it is damn spicy.......nearly charred my tongue..talked about blackjack and how much they won........no one ever loses hmmmmm.....then they shifted to a guy who was a damn stone........in my opinion......just heck care type......falied his exam and was playing pool........they called that positive mind set.........and said it is good to have such friends......i think so too

on the way home.........why people just cannot keep to the left side of the escalator............

i will smash the head of the person who next says i am mugging when i am not........i wonder why everyone is second guessing whether if the person next to you is mugging at one particular moment.......including me.......haha.......maybe it is just being afraid....i think that is the reason lor....it should be....simply because some people feel insecure and when they ask if you are mugging........in their hearts...they hope the answer would be no.......at least that is what i think........people who say they do not mug are a pack of lies....i do not believe them and you should not too........i mug........because i need to mug.....and i am proud to say that i mug.......but do not ask me if i am mugging when the next sentence is "you chao mugger" and you are mugging at the same time......that is the most desipicable thing to do.......so there

this is very unusual........just when i am feeling all right........the idea of today being monday makes me very sick....because the tomorrow will be tuesday....day after will be wednesday........and then thursday and friday........what the hell.......in short.........i think i am dreading school.......why.......i do not really know.....i think it is the work.......the place.......yar.....i think so......cannot really point out something........but the whole notion of school makes me vomit.........arghhhhh......

have to start clearing up my work today.....why do the holidays have to end so fast......this is damn crap man.......

i cannot believe it.....there are so many people still online.......i have a strong suspicion that they are probably mugging.....or something.....hiazzz what a twisted world.........

i am in a pressure cooker.......help

someone just asked me about chemistry.........arghhh........i think i will study today.......hiazz.....what the hell man.......must do well for the first tests........

correction TODAY IS MONDAY........man

ok an ex-classmate started to talk to me out of the blue today.......knew him in secondary 1 and 2........but was never close....he is nice but i do not know him well....i do not know why he struck a conversation with me........it is nice........but i still am wondering.........why........why......why...hmmm....interesting........it was like suddenly a message just popped out.....i am seriously damn interested to know.......funny things have been happening.........

anyway here is the update on the rest of day 2......

a lot of people came visiting.......i did not know much about anyone......so it was terrible.........and there was this little boy......i think about 4 years old lar........came barging into my room thrice.......oh man.......could not do anything........my mom did not even let me shut the door.....arghhhh.........so...........i had to serve them drinks.......yup that was all i did.....oh...and one of my cousins had a german boyfriend......wow......that is weird......and i was stoning in my room.......but could not do what i wanted because 1. the door is open.....2. it was damn noisy........

then someone rescued my from hell........haha........when i got the message.......i just ran out.......felt damn happy.......haha.........then we talked......and talked........and walked and talked.....and walked and talked.......yar.....you get the idea.....but it was very interesting.....because this person said lots of stuff that i felt was unusual????we talked about dying.....and in what way to die....i think even when dying....we should be considerate......we talked about ambitions.....oh yeah....checked my trusty geography atlas....hokkaido is an island at the northern tip of japan......we talked about leaders......hitler.......in particular......i think i shall go finish mein kampf.......is that the right spelling.......haha

just ended the conversation......interesting......i do not mind talking to him again......

anyway back to the update
yar....so we talked..............then went home.......showered.....eat.......no i eat first before showering......and here i am now.........

tomorrow is monday.....i am sad.........arghhhh......

i am being jailed inside my own room......helpppp.....let me out.........helpppppp.......

watched shanghai knights today........it was thin on plot.......but was quite funny.....without being irritating.....i enjoyed it........anyway someone just asked me a maths question.......and I KNEW THE SOLUTION........maybe......just a small maybe i am regaining some of my brains.......haha.....

i have confirmed my distaste for ALL dove advertisements....they just plain suck.......ikea and carlsberg should be the benchmark.......mcdonald's advertisements are quite good too.......at times......i think an advertisement should be unique and must have staying power......that is the point is not it?

after the movie.......i went out to buy a CD.........almost all the shops were closed man.........i had to go all the way to heeren.....HMV...lucky it was open......or i would have just bang my head and die.......i was surprise to see so many people there.....one guy was there for like 2 hours at the same listening station......and he was dancing.......oh my god......positively crazy......i think i was/still am positively bored........because i watched him for that long........dropped by the pool hall.......and it was packed.......with hokkien bengs.......dangerous.......and i almost get gastric..........there was not a single place i oculd get some food......swensen's..........was like packed.......there was even a queue......!!!!!!!!!! man........who queues to go swensen's

what a weird day........

u erally have a prob

btw keep ur mouth shut abt my stuff

ok i will

but u really got some shit prob

i noe

*****end*****
what do you think........haha

about me....haha....i beg to differ..........

1. i think i am perfectly sane.....i think i am thinking right....
2. i have no compassion and conscience
3. it was not a serious of unfortunate encounters....makes it sound so coincidentally.......
4. i do not believe in praying....i am a heathen
5. fears.......what fears????

written by someone......

The following is a complaint made by a myopic and paranoid outcast who has had a series of unfortunate encounters in his course of school life as a J1 student in RJ. His experiences have led him to develop a cruel and twisted mindset and a well-founded hatred toward school.
His fears have spawned into demons, seeking to hunt down those whom he feels have played a part in cultivating his bottomless hatred for school, for squirelling away his sanity, for murdering his conscience.
We seek to help this person regain his compassion, his sympathy, his pride and most of all his outlook towards life. Pray for him.

i think this is a piece of bimbo writing.....go figure......

just got this in an email

start

The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.

To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.

To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.

When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.

To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.

To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.

To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".

When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.

For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.

When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?

Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?

Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.

Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.

If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.

You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

This poem was written by a young girl who committed suicide some years ago.
Please show someone you care for them today. It takes so little of your time to smile, give a hug, a word of encouragement or just to say "I care" You will be rewarded for sure:-)

end

is that what you are trying to say........