One more thing...

The ladies in the outside world are a joy to watch. And psychologists are probably the best looking lot.

CSC has confirmed that.

=).

A job well done...(I think)

Having a throbbing headache is an irritating thing to have. But I seriously don't mind it now because my spirits are considerably high now.

I went for the IDA second round, which was modelled much like The Apprentice...and I really enjoyed myself. I think IDA is the organisation for me. My performance I am not sure, but I do feel confident about it...amd hopefully I manage to get the final interview and secure the scholarship. =).

There were 6 applicants; 2 from SISPEC, 2 from units and a clerk. I was the only fella from OCS and would dare say the one with the most complains. Hiaz.

The high I am getting is probably from the intellectual stimulation that I got during the activity. Walked around Suntec as well...just looking at the people window shopping, talking on benches, buying groceries, having afternoon tea.....I felt so lost in this world. So strange yet so inviting. I have lost the sense of freedom. I actually feel guilty for skipping training in NS.

What is happening to me!!! :S

Just had a good dinner a while ago. I realised that I haven't been eating much at the stupid cookhouse lately. Which is a good thing...a very good thing in fact. All I need know is just another offer...that would complete my day.

Fired off a couple of emails too...lengthy ones mind you. I think my typing skills have improved a lot due to time constraints. Gee, my headache is worsening. It's probably due to the lack of sleep. 5-6 hours of rest is hardly sufficient for cadets. But tell that to the superiors! ....

Going to leave the house in an hours time. I should have bargained for more time off man! The rest of the cadets do that...but I am too paiseh liao. Besides, I shouldn't take advantage of LTA Sufien's kindness. He really is a caring person. He is officially added to my list of model officers, which previously only had 2nd LTA Bhanu.

Time to go wash up and chill out for a bit.

Out again man!

This is unbelievable!

I am going for IDA's second round of selection later and I really really wanna ace it. Please help me. Anyone, anything...please.

I hav been booking out on alternate days i.e. 27th, 29th and 31st. It does feel a bit weird and somehow, I actually feel guilty. Like wth! Why on earth should I feel guilty?

The number of times I am taking leave, 1.5 days in total already, far exceeds my BMT days. I also skip a fair bit of training due to other commitments like WSO interview and stuff. Gee, sounds like a slack life to me...:S

At the bottom of it, I think I am just afraid that I would be put out of course due to poor attitude or performance. Hiaz. I don't want that to ever happen. =(.

Have been feeling slightly better because Cornell has accepted me into their Computer Science program and I have IDA and DSTA to fight for...PUB remains a thorny issue though. =(.

Forget it, I will just try and pass my time thinking about what I can do to disrupt, what I can do to improve my future, and what I can do to stay in course with minimum effort.

Hiaz.

So happy to be out of jail!

I just read a blog written by an NSF, who is also a OCT conicidentally. It is amazing that I managed to learn some stuff about packing my field pack OUTSIDE of camp (read jail). Will check it out later... Unlike me, he has served more time in jail and therefore would commission much earlier. =(. Like me, he wants to do, and as already got a place in NTU to do computer science. Unlike me, he has much lower ambitions in life, I think.

I really hope I won't turn out like him. I will be bitter if that were to happen. The similiarities should just stop here and now.

Anyway, IDA interview is completed and the results will be out by today...kinda exciting as well as straining. Hiaz. Hopefully I will manage to get to the next round so that I can continue chasing my dream as well as get out of jail. Lotsa planning and negotiation with my superiors will be needed...YOU (read I) CAN DO IT!

It's very interesting, and I have said it more than once before how people can be so consumed by certain things. Like army! How can someone just dump heart, soul and mind into a stupid OCC?!?! It just doesn't make sense. Makes me wonder if I was consumed by studying when I was in school....:S

Oh, by the way, excellent CCA records and A Level results do not guarantee anything. I have the distinction of not even getting shortlisted for first round interviews by 3 (probably soon 4) coporations. Gee, thanks a lot. Fuck you!

Back to the topic, I was in IDA's office, on the 14th floor of Suntec Tower 3. Looking out at the city landscape, with the misty horizon and plattering raindrops, I saw the world. It's out there...waiting for the bravest to conquer. Dreary grey as the city might be, it is more colourful and vibraint than SAFTI MI. Sitting in the food court, walking about looking at people doing their routines...I really felt disconnected, unplugged.

Sidetrack, I talked a bit about the army in the interview. Not very favourable responses I gave....wondering if I should have done that. Just got SMS! I have been selected!

To the subject...Matrix inversed...that's what I term this situation I am in now. The camp is like a matrix, the world outside is the real one. And all this OCTs are just asleep, plugged in...I am not Neo so I can't do anything about it. But there is a band of enlightened people of course...only one actually. Hiaz. That's the reason why I cannot conform myself to OCC.

1. They are seeking potential scholars to serve them. But they have REJECTED me, mind you!
2. The things they do are stupid. Why should I subject myself to the hot housing and tough/unreasonable training when I will not be selected?
3. I love to hate them because I am bitter.

Having said that, I still hope to pass out of the course, become a better leader and person. The self improvement should be tremedous. I am just bitter people get to disrupt and secure such a bright and comfortable future just because of what they did...and an interview.

I should have worked harder.

Got a couple of things to settle now...I am getting very impatient these days. =(.

Cya later!

Leaving

Time is running out because my leave pass is ending soon. In fact, it ends in exactly 1.5 hrs time as I am typing this. To think I took a half day leave when I wasn't even given 12 hours! WTH!

Have to be really fast typing this. Most importantly, I have to thank my pal for listening to me talking all about my sucky life. Really thank you! He actually followed me all the way to clementi so that I could get home earlier even though he had to book in tonight as well.

Sat down at McDonald's. It has been a long time since I came so near Clementi Stadium...maybe slightly less than a year. That place brings back a lot of good and bad memories. More good than bad though...=)

Had Iced Milo at McDonald's for the first time too!

Jian Yuan, I owe you one!

I doubt I will ever do anything like this with the people in Delta.

DSTA Tea Session was pretty ok. The food was definitely at a very very high standard. So high, that I decided to settle my dinner there. It might sound very cheapskate, but hey, no la! I was doing it because it was convenient. =). The spread included many delicious cakes and sandwiches, dim sum and western food...one of the better tea sessions! I pity there ain't any photographic evidence because I left my camera behind!

At the session, I managed to caught up with about 4 BMT 'section 2' mates and realised how badly I missed them. BMT was a great time because and only because of them. I didn't like a whole lot of shit that was in BMT...but 'section 2' made all the difference. OCC (Officer Cadet Course) will never have a 'section 2' despite what the superiors are telling us.

Never.

I am just so glad to be out...yet dreading to book-in so very soon. I am finding myself writing very crappy posts recently...I think army is wrecking my linguistic skills...not that I am a very good writer to begin with.

The first post in many not to have any complains about OCS. Why? Because I just can't be bothered to waste time already. I prefer sharing my feelings and troubles with true friends, not wayangs trying to get SAFOS.

And as always, waiting for the interviews and replies. God help me. Cya on 29th.

That day will probably be even more rush though. =(. Off to look for photos.

DSTA Tea Session

I am so damn glad to be out man!

Even though I just booked in on Friday, and today is only Sunday.

I don't feel like describing anything about what is going in OCS.

In short, I am surrounded by fuckers in a fucked up place.

Back to jail.

Hiaz, going back already. So soon.

I might be here on the 27th (1% chance) or on the 29th (50% chance). Hopefully I would get a chance to blog a bit.

I am addicted to being depressed. I have figured out that being depressed is part of my way of trying to reject the shit that I am facing in OCS...

I can't bear to think positively despite so many people encouraging me to do so. It defines logic right? It doesn't. But the reason is far too private.

The perfect caption

for an unknown photo,

past and present
Two years, one incident and worlds apart.

I was thinking of what I said at the PSC interivew. It was childish, senseless, stupid and obviously lacking in depth. I behaved, in short, like a kindergarten kid.

I deserved the outcome.

And I thought of how one mistake might have set the trend for about a couple more..and now I am paying the price of it-unfulfilled dreams. If I have kids next time, they will know the importance of starting from young. I will tell them everything I did wrong and leave the choice to them.

That is the only way I can sort of turn back time and redeem a bit. I can't possible force them to have the life I would like...that's too cruel.[

[Someone has the same sentiments as I. It is not fair that I have to put up with shit just for the sake of SAFOS and PSC and President scholars when I am not one. I have actually written quite a lot about this elsewhere. So I shan't repeat.]

Decorating my bunk.

I hate the term 'bunk'. But I can't use the word 'room' to replace it either.

My room is at home. There is a silly yellow duck on my monitor, a gift from a classmate last year. There is my AIWA television just at the angle I want it. There is the stack of JC notes collecting in the corner; a reminder of my wonderful schooling days. I can go on and on...

My bunk is at SAFTI MI. A cold, cruel impersonal place, which I won't and also don't want to leave any trace when I get the hell out of there. I try to make it a home...a place I like to be in. 'Home' doesn't mean feeling comfortable in army. In fact, far from it. It just means I place things the way I like them...as far as possible. I tidy the place, arrange my stuff, write my diary, moblog, call my parents...all these are the little things I do to preserve some form of sanity.

[Sidetrack, considering adding a chapter to deal with psychological problems in army in the NS book, which I still haven't touched yet. Hiaz.]

So when I had to decide how to decorate my bunk (even this is an order) just now, I settled on pining up some photos. I got 2 shots from RI4C 2002 at graduation night. Another with a close friend, just that we ain't that close anymore due to a foolish thing I did at White Sands McDonalds in 2003 I think. Or was it 2002? I can't remember for the life of me. And the last one a family shot on the Great Wall of China.

I have so very little photos of my past. Digital camera are good for shooting, but I don't usually print them out. The images stored on the computers are just so...distant. I think I will use a good old fashion camera for photos next time. And if I have a family in the future, I will make sure they have the most photos to look at and savoury the past.

I hope I won't have boys so that they don't need to suffer.

I started the post with tears in my eyes. They have since dried up.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Much as I not want to blog to save some time so that I might be able to relax for a second, I can't. I have to let the anguish inside of me out...or I might just die.

Firstly, I feel damn lonely inside OCS. Forget the bullshit of gelling. True, it did happen in BMT. But this is not BMT. I will always feel left out. None of my good friends are here...at Delta. Those that are here are just to into the entire thing to step back a bit and have a nice chat with me. I can't blame them. People always have their priorities (Got this line from' Rules of Engagement' which we watched for lecture yesterday). I am glad for the guys who like the army, love OCS and think now is the best time of their entire lives. They don't feel the pain I am feeling.

As I said, I am unhappy at the elitism in Delta. I am envious and jealous of the PSC scholars. Why? I am not sure as well. I think it is not the prestige they get and how they are treated in OCS. It can't be, because I am prefectly fine with being a nobody and pass out of OCS quietly. S.A.F.O.S. That's a previous joke...=). Probably, it's due to the fact their future is much clearer, brighter and...mine isn't

The weather is very hazy today. Is Singapore hit by the haze again? I don't know. Sure is a mirror of my life...hazy, blurry and just really fucked up. I haven't read the newspapers for a long time. Should really do it later...before I million other fucking stupid army stuff. I hate to swear. But I can't help it.

Secondly, I hate the regimentation of army and a billion other useless things they do. Hmm like echoing, waiting, rushing, stand-bys, turn out and other rubbish. It is just unfortunate that I am born Singaporean. There was this survey again. It could have easily gotten me out of course because they wanted to know if I feel like staying in OCS. I lied through everything. Why? The usual answer. Pride and don't know.

The officers in OCS wants me to throw away my pride. I will go against that. I will rebel at everything they say. Not to the extent of getting punished, but to just satisfy my burning desire to show my discontentment. I am not stupid. Haha. But writing and posting this is really a dangerous thing...the OCS people might stumble upon this. Yeah, no choice! I have to release my agony inside.

I don't want to worry my parents by telling them all these. They will worry everyday for me. I don't event ell them how glad it is to hear both their voices at night through the phone and to have them care for me. My Dad just bought me an extra handphone battery...so damn touched. I might be impatient with them, but right now, every book-out I will just stick at home because I love home too much. I seriously can't take it mentally and physically anymore. I don't want to push myself through this useless thing. The ONLY thing keeping me going is pride.

Lastly, with my friends getting into slack units, well at least a few of them are in such units, and with them only booking in on Sunday, it just adds up. I am afriad I might break down, might snap and just do stupid things. Really.

I will see you later. I have to force myself to type a 2 page autobiography. Fuck it.

Really, it's killing me.

As promised...

Life has taken a huge change since I have been posted to OCS. Currently being in D wing, I get to mix around with the future leaders of Singapore. I feel digusted. Haha. The only person I respect there is the one that I have been respecting all along....the rest are just thrash. And it beats me why I can't be part of this garbage heap that is given the privilege of disrupting...hiaz

All is definitely not good in the application front.

At the war front, I have to book in very very soon and almost 90% of my friends have the weekend out. People might think OCS is a great place to be in. But when you are like me, with no certain future, I think it's not. It gets worse when you see your friends getting subtly different treatment because they are scholars...=(.

No words can describe how sad I was for the past few days. I tried to cry, but no tears came out. I wrote a diary to keep my mind focused, planned my book-out, repacked my stuff over and over again, worried over little details....I have become a nervous wreck.

Just a hollow living soul....seriously considering booking in earlier tomorrow so that I have more time in camp to settle my personal stuff. WTH.

[In line with my mood of craziness these days, I wanted to keep a log detailing every single cent I spent, to see if I can survive on OCT pay only. But that is almost impossible to do...I guess I think I will just track how much I take out from my wallet.]

Book out from HELL

Finally...

But my freedom ends today at 8 30 PM. I am extremely upset/sadden/depressed by this thought.

And the stupid unit decides to make me do extra work like filling in forms and writing autobiographies to eat up my break time.

Its one helluva busy book out. A mega post tomorrow, or rather today will come soon.

Stay tuned!

The morning of the inevitable.

Ah, fuck it la. I need more sleep.

Hope to cya on the 23rd of March, 2005.

Last post

I guess this will be my last post before I go to my new unit, OCS.

Have been killing time watching tv. Caught a really funny Taiwanese variety show hosted by Jacky Wu as well as The Apprentice.

I was never a fan of the latter until today. Found it to be an exciting and interesting show...that kinda of life, I like. =).

I like to be challenged, to go head-to-head, to be pushed to the limits (not physically...Hahaha.) and tackle problems and situations in a dynamic environment. That is the kinda life I want.

Hopefully, the army doesn't fit the job scope. LOL!

I am entering what many other people want. A prestigious school in the SAF. Even though I might not embrace it, I will do my best. It's a personal principle.

***

The only thing I regret not doing this block leave is not touching my NS book. Haha, let alone finishing it. I will someday though.

***

On the whole, I guess I have spent time quite productively this break, doing stuff and enjoying myself at the same time. The next 9 months might be life-changing. I am entering a phase of life where every single day might change my future drastically. It is so unlike the past 18 years I have had. 2005 is really special....

I am not making any sense here. Even in army, I have to tread carefully. Maybe I will be out on the 23rd of March for my IDA interview. Then we will see if I make the best out of it....please, don't reject me anymore.

Give me strength to pull through. I have no faith, no religion and no support. Siege mentality should kick in by now...

Time is running out.

I realised that I kept a lot of things from the past. Letters, receipts, wrappers among others. Things that people normal throw away, I can't bear too.

A few days ago, I was tidying my room, with my mind set on throwing all the useless things away. In the end, I didn't really achieve my aim. Guess one of these days I would have too...

I just kept my only 'off pass' from my BMT days carefully in an envelope. It is dated 31th January 2005.

12 stories below [Gee, what a blatant title.]

Yesterday, I saw the girl.
Dressed in white, I wasn't sure.
It had to be her...it must
Coz she hasn't change one bit.

She walked and I followed,
a movie reeling through my head.
The first time we talked,
I said no no no...

Again, I saw her.
That's few months ago?
She walked in looking pretty,
and we didn't talk.

At times I wonder,
what does she think of me?
Just another face on a day,
or something little more.

One year and counting,
From the day I screamed yes yes yes.
Just another memory,
to be kept and buried.

Its true, what people say.
Friends you know,
yet you don't,
are the hardest to befriend.

[I wonder if she saw me.]

Haruki Murakami

'South of the border, West of the sun' is a smashing book. I just finished it.

Very melancholic and haunting...quite sexually explicit though.

Japanese writers just have a style that is easily accessible. Wonderful.

Jaded

I am quite sick of reading the same old things again.

I wonder if I have the courage to take an alternative path? It's like 'WTF, everyone is aiming for the same thing, planning to do the same thing, and end up doing the same thing. With different salaries, of course.' =S. I heard some of my friends, 'some' might be an understatment, will be leaving soon for greener pastures. Disruption, scholarships and the likes... A proper life that a 19 year old should have. Do they know that they are very lucky? Hahaha...

I ask myself the say question and the answer would be NO. It would probably be the same for them as well. Hahaha...

Maybe one day, I might be like them, or maybe I will never be like them. At this point in time, it is just a blur.

***
[Army equals SAF here.]
I detest people who like the army, who are excited about their new posting and who want to prove themselves in the army.

I might have an axe to grind, but I am honestly thinking this should be the way people feel about army. When you are a teenager, young adult to be at 19, are you mature enough to sign way your life for the next 6-8 years? You haven't seen the world, how would you know what life you want? That is the problem with the system. I don't like growing up, much less growing up so quickly.

The army might seem the to be everything right now, with us young guys (I don't even think we qualify as men) thrown right into the deep end after 12 years of protection (that would be school). Ironically, it is but only a small, miniscule part of life. 2 years of liability and you are done, with the yearly reservist just nothing but a minor irritation.

So why get upset over OCS, SISPEC, no IPPT gold and other equally unimportant things?

I would not been saying this a few months ago. But now, for the better or worse, I am a wee bit more enlightened. 看破红尘 in chinese. I part of me thinks this is a negative, weak attitude and I feel ashame of that. The other part just feels grateful. What do you think? I am as usual, in a blur.

***

Maybe my friend put it most succinctly. 'Next time you scholar, can get big house and buy car. Life sure comfortable one la. But I want more.'

***

If you are pondering about your life, your university, your scholarships, your courses, your future, like I am right now, you gotta ask yourself why, why, why, why.

And then work for it. Work like you have never worked before. Work until you feel like dropping dead and die. Work until you don't want it anymore. Whatever it maybe. And if you reach that last stage, you will naturally give up without regrets.

***

I thought I was strong. I have been mistaken. Admissions like this don't come easily, especially from me. That having said, I will still work, because I want to reach my dreams badly. Whatever they are...I can't stand living a normal life.

If you have been reading until here, I thank you for your time. This will be one of the last few posts before entering hell...one more time.

Out and back again

My 2nd last night here. I just came back from a mini TTC gathering. I just realised that all my gatherings have been 'mini'ones so far. It probably shows how far people have drifted apart since the days of school.

My dinner, frankly speaking, tasted like KFC. Three quaters of the way through it, I feel strained. Puking was one of the thoughts that past through. But it was quite tasty actually, just that I am not a fan of KFC.

Busy night...got a couple of things to settle. Cya later!


I got the inspiration from some photoblog. Of course that guy who did it, did a much better job. Haha!

Dinner at Cafe Cartel

Shagged to the max

So glad to be home. I am not a town person. The whole 'aimless walking in town' thing has drained me of all my energy. Argh!

Walking down Orchard Boulevard was a different experience from the one you would get walking down the main shopping belt. The apartments and houses were definitely HIGH CLASS. It was like being in a different place all together. Ang Moh Land would be a good name.

The architecture was boring though, or at least it didn't excite my senses. I was just seeing lotsa plants and huge tall buildings that's all. Very similiar to the jungles in Tekong for some reason...=S.

From Ang Moh Land , I went on to visit some of the more offbeat shopping malls like Tanglin Mall. The 2nd Hand Bazar was no were to be found man! WTH! A totally wasted trip...I wasn't very interested in the antiques and carpets and rubbish that were being sold. They are for rich expats...not NSFs.

Entered Jap Land soon after. There is an insane amount of foreigners living in town! The only good thing about these foreigners are the babes. They are HOT! If you compare the local girls with the exapts...ahhh, I dare say usually the expats will win. BTW, expats don't necessarrily mean caucasians. The winner of today's babe watch would be the two Jap chicks at Cold Storage, Takashimaya B1.

Interesting things in town include

• The sports carnival outside Taka hosted by Sportkaki.
• The makeover exhibition at Wisma Atria. A lot of people were taking photos of the girls, which I find most unethical.
• Borrowing Haruki Murakami's 'South of the border, West of the sun' from the chic (I don't think so...) Library@Orchard. I actually wanted to get Norwegian Wood, but all popular books seems to be ON LOAN at the libraries. Hiaz. But the above title is fine by me as well since it contains a lot of sex. A pleasant surprise indeed. =).

Shocking things include

• BreadTalk (Wisma branch) don't sell doughnuts! Unbelievable, but true!
• I didn't take any photos.
• Cost of traveling by MRT.

Heading for dinner later....phew. The walk back home was made interesting by a girl in white. My friend says it is most difficult to approach a girl whom you know, but never talk to. I agree with him somewhere along those lines...sigh.

Practicality

It's amazing how impractical people can get. Some people dream too much and that irks me.

I guess good results give you the bragging rights at time to hammer these group of dreamers into reality. One shouldn't really be doing such things, but it does give a mighty kick!

Of course results ain't going to get you anywhere far, as I have exemplified. But neither should you be thinking you can smoke through everything, which I have exemplified as well.

....just a passing thought.

Will be heading to Tanglin Mall for the 2nd Hand Bazar later...might take the chance to walk around town as well since it is the weekend...

Some trouble brewing...shits!

I made a mistake. I didn't get cheated. Hahaha...

Very shagged now because of the packing. Yup, I am doing packing for my NS, which is, sadly, is about 2 days time. =(.

Block leave sure passed by fast. However, I am quite happy that I spent it well. I don't recall a single dull moment. =). But I did left out a few things that I wanna accomplished. It's partly mine fault, but not entirely. I think God has to share some of the blame as well for making my life so tough! LOL!

[I have no religion. GOD is just to me, a 3 letter word, written the opposite way from DOG.]

[I didn't mean to be blasphemous. ]

Will have to cherish the remainding 2 days...

[I am forgetting simple things far to quickly than it is normal. I fear for my health.]

The longest Day (Not quite)

In the morning, I got my posting and really counted my blessings. I am seriously grateful to whatever/whoever that decided I should be in OCS instead of someone else.

I thought I didn't do much in BMT to gain a place. But apparently I did. The worst thing that could happen now would be the CMPB people had screwed up. =S. Yikees! The only thing I am proud of is during BMT, I didn't wayang at all. =).

At noon, I met a friend at Jurong East MRT to go to the Creative Fair together. On our way there, we passed by Popular, which coincidentally was having a comic sale. Doramon (the blue fat Japanese cat) comics were going at $1 apiece if you bought them in multiples of 5. !!!. I went back later after visiting the fair to get 5. Originally, each book would cost $4.80. What a steal man! =).

The Creative Fair was packed as expected. With the huge price cuts, I was so nearly tempted into buying some new sound equipment. Geez. My friend got his TravelSound for just $46 ($23 after deducting his Creative credits) from the original SALE PRICE of $89. The cashier cocked up big time man. I wish I had bought something and received such a discount! Hahaha.

Had lunch with another 2 friends who joined us after we were done with the shopping. It really seemed like a mini RI4C 2002...feel so familiar yet strange. Everything has changed since then...and it will change even more. Hiaz.

I invited the lot of them back to my house to just chill out, talk cock and play games. And the day passed like that.

P.S. I got cheated of 6 cents just now by the photostating shop, but I can't be bothered to go into the details. Kway Chap is my comfort food. I regularly get cheated by hawkers who charged exorbitant prices for the dish...like just now. Argh!


My friend's buy at the Creative Fair!

Mad offer at Popular! 5 books for $5!!! =D

OCS

Yeah baby.

This is surreal. I hope there isn't a mistake in the posting. For for a mini-celebration....=)

Now will the scholarship boards please start calling me? Please? Please?

Argh.

Chase

Just finished watching that on Channel 5. Thrashy but enjoyable nonetheless.

Could cut down on the slang and adverts though. =).

Yucks

[start of rant]
Again, I am receiving no news. This is very frustrating. I keep getting stuff that I don't want. I have enough of rejection letters as it is. Please don't serve me one more or I will have your blood.
[end of rant]

Finally all the applications have been 100% completed. I went to school and got everything back from my tutor and sent them all out. What a relief. Although, I expect that to last only split second. There is still the torturous wait plus posting comes out tomorrow.

Posting will decide my entire 2 years...which is really nothing compared to tertiary education right? Right.

Hmmm...*tapping fingers anxiously*

Went to Junction 8 to bum around for a while after lunch. I actually wanted to go to Food Junction for a meal, but it was too darn crowded. Headed down to the basement and had ToriQ Set A. I guess it's quite valued for money...considering how little you can do with $4.20 these days. That's unless you are a student. Burger King's WHOPPER meal is only $3.90. I think BK is now my favourite fast food restuarant despite being a little pricey. Just don't order the Redang Burger because it is so small as compared to a Whopper. It's a shame there isn't a BK outlet at JE centre. =(.

Met up with a friend at J8 and went around hunting for A4 size brown envelopes. Tagged along to S-11 to watch him eat Qiu Lian Ban Mian. I was in a rare (very very rare) spending mood and wanted to buy a glass of ice lemon tea. So I waited for the drinks stall person to approach me, which they usually do. Sat there for a good 30 minutes, no one came and I wasn't going to bother myself with calling those dimwits. That probably saved me a dollar or so.

Kenna con to take the train northwards to Jurong. It was a bad idea.

P.S. At J8, I saw this booth selling really cool arty plastic sheets to protect the screen of electronic gadgets. I think it's from Japan or something. You really have to admire the Japanese for their innovations and meticulous nature. Check it out here. Too bad it is expensive...or I would have gotten my HP done by them. $23 for one covering I think!!!!

:S

Had a terrible nightmare, woke up to the computer screen to face one too.

Grow up, you ain't a kid anymore. Overdependence is a nasty irritating thing.
[Maybe I am jsut being a bastard. =).]

There must be something wrong with someone. It's either me or them.

I think it's me.

This is bad. I really feel like swearing. Argh.

B&W. tanjong Pagar/back lane

Shattered dreams. tanjong pagar/back lane

Postcard?!?! tanjong pagar/shophouses

Skyline. CBD

Sunset. Esplanade.

Lives. Unknown lane.

Hmmmm

Spent the day at Dover Park Hospice. I would say it is highly enriching. The place is just filled with so much to learn...and people there have very colourful characters as well. I don't even know where to start describing the experience, so I shan't. =).

Just installed another 128 MB of SDRAM into my computer courtesy of Enming and Enhui. Geez, thanks a lot. But apparently Windows doesn't reflect the correct amount of RAM in my computer now. It should be 192+128=320MB. The display says 256 MB. Weird huh?

Still waiting. Argh.

I gotta settle some stuff first. Cya later!

Perfume, cigarettes and women

I really should be asleep now since I have to get up 6 hours and 40 minutes later...as of now, which is 1:17 AM 15/03/2005.

Today, or rather yesterday, had/has been a long long day. I walked from Tanjong Pagar to City Hall and back. Phew. Thank god for the company on the return trip...or I would probably have to bang my head agains tthe wall to amuse myself.

Tanjong Pagar is really a neat place. It's sorta a heritage place according to people at the URA. Yup, lotsa shophouses exuding a unique charm. And because the CBD is so near by, the backdrop of towering commerical glass blocks just makes for a smashing sight. My photos don't do any justice to the place. That's why they are not here. Hahaha. No lah, I will just post them later. =).

I walked and walked, on the way dropping into NUTC and MPH to take advantage of the air-conditioners. LOL! One surprising thing is that people in the CBD smoke a hell lot. I was breathing in secondhand smoke like crazy. But it's definitely a good place to people watch as well. A lot of ang mohs in tight fitting, skimpy clothes...lotsa local babes dressed up really nicely too. =).

There is a cafe along Robinson Road called the 'Sandwich Shop' I think. It is almost indentical to the supermarket Jennifer Aniston was in for the Heineken. Was very tempted to get a photo of the place...but it would have been too awkward to do so. Hiaz.

When I was at Raffles Place, I can across this Raffles Xchange mall. The mall is very much similiar to CityLink, just not as large nor as crowded. A pleasant surprise indeed, since I didn't know the place existed prior to my visit.

My friend joined me soon after and together we bummed around the city, visiting places like CityLink Suntec, Marina Square, Lau Pa Sat. Just two privates with a lot of time to burn, when actually there isn't much time. =(.

On the way back, I noticed two Hokkien teenage-gangsters-wannabe. They boarded and alighted the train at the exact same stops! Geez, at Jurong Interchange, they were annoucing to the entire planet about how they define their parents and other equally shameful and stupid things. Obviously they haven't been to the army yet. One guy still had his head of pink hair.

Mood: Unsettled/tired/waiting/drained

What the fuck.

Out of the Pan

Today's dinner was great. Maybe it's because of bad experiences the previous time (The Big O & Maestro Bistro), 'Out of the Pan' really shined. In any case, I shouldn't take anything away from the place. It's just goooddd!

The restaurant is actually a crepes place. I don't think they serve anything substantial besides crepes...maybe salads and soups. Yup, that's about it. But the crepes are really well done. I had 'Beef and Bell Pepper' while my friend had 'Tandoori Chicken'!

Every bite was sensual man! Pure bliss! Hahah. The fillings itself were quite an amount and very juicy indeed. I would hate a crepe which is dry. The crepe itself comes in 3 flavours; plain, whole wheat or sun dried tomato. I choose plain and it certainly complemented the bell peppers very well. I think some tomato puree was used as well (maybe it's my imagination), so its a good time the crepe wasn't 'sun dried tomato'. The beef itself was flavourful and juicy, I thought it was a bit on the tough side. I had to put some effort into chewing actually. The price of the dishes where also a bit on the expensive side considering portions weren't that big (sufficient to fill you if you ain't ravenous, I was though).

'Out of the Pan' scored points for have a tasty decor, prompt (but not friendly, or attentive) service and good food presentation.

It's a pity I didn't take up my friend's offer on trying his Tandoori Chicken. Hiaz. =(.

[out of 5 stars]
Service ***
Ambience ***
Food ****

Verdict: Go ahead and go yourself a treat!


Ice Water Free-of-charge

Tandoori Chicken $12.00

Beef and Bell Peppers $11.00

Fuck you, understand?

Shadows of the past.

Changes

Removed the 'Things to do list' at the side because I find it more of an eyesore now. If you don't know what I am talking about, that's good.

Pictures will be posting at 200 pixels henceforth. Archieve pictures are still at 1024 pixels so you can click and enlarge if you wish to do so.

Without having to do applications, I seem to be very free. Toying with the idea of going to Tanjong Pagar.

Still waiting...

In the meantime, I went to take a walk around Jurong Point. That place was crawling with SAF personnel!

The ranks I saw include private, corporal, 3rd sergeant, 2nd sergeant, staff sergeant, OCTs, 2nd lieutenant and captain. Tell me about it.

As I alight from the train at Chinese Garden, I think I saw ex-schoolmates as well. But they were evidently too busy with each other to even see me. Haha.

'Desperate housewives' is such a great show. I must try and get my hands on the series. Eva Longoria is HOT!!!


Back to waiting. I shall go cook something to eat, shower, plan my day tomorrow and sleep.

The Waiting Game

I am an impatient person. I hate to play the waiting game.

If everyone did things my way, the world won't have to wait at all.

Argh. Extreme frustration.

Block leave over liao. =(.

Nature.


Oh man, time and tide waits for no man. I am slowly being reduced to tears as the propsect of going back to army draws near. Argh, what the hell.

Applications have reached a certain stage where I can't do anything else but wait. Wait for my tutor to finish certifying the documents, wait for the phonecalls or letters, wait for my future to be decided by some unknown face. Geez, that's optimistic.

All that is left to be done is to collect the documents, slide them into envelopes and mail them off. Oh, there is still the NUS portfoilo, but that's due at a later date...=)

Hopefully, I can finish everything by Tuesday, or latest Wednesday.

Then there is still the NS book that is collecting dust in my computer and the irritating phonecalls waiting to be made...argh!

Block leave is ending. God save me!

Look what you've done

That's a song by JET.

The title is so apt in so many instances. Like last time, like now, and who know, might still probably be suitable in a few days/weeks/months time...

I can't bear to add 'years' into the line. You figure what I am driving at? Or do you not?

Paraphrase it, 'Look what I've done'.

In the end, it really really doesn't matter guys. I am more liberated than before so my thinking might have changed a bit. Is it good or bad? Do I know? No. But again, does it matter?

I am going in circles; everything is messed up in there (my brain).

Bottomline, do whatever you want. And be happy.

Argh! I forgot to post the Shark's fin soup!!! =D. 

Family Dinner

I just came back from dinner. I actually thought I could put some of the gourmet photography tips into practise today. Alas, the batteries had to die on me just as the dishes started to arrive! Had a feeling that sort of thing would happen....=S.

And as I was walking back from the restuarant, I saw the most beautiful pair of eyes. Not sure if I am dreaming, but they (the eyes) surely looked nice. It had a sorta watery look, like the girl was crying or something. Geez, I should have taken a photo of it.

Argh!

Dinner at Sun Lok. We actually wanted to go to another restuarant called Boon Lay Raja. A pity some faggort booked the place for his wedding.

Chrysanthemum tea. The camera's battery started to die and the focusing started to become weird.

I actually took like 6 photos of the vegetables. The picture was actually much better (I think), but I had to crop out the ugly background.

Sian sia!

B.O.R.E.D


Sundays have never held any special meaning to me. For some people, Sunday is the time for family gatherings, dinners and relaxation.

I do that too. But I don't do it on purpose just because it is Sunday. When I was schooling, Sundays didn't matter. If there was school work to be done, I would do it. If there was a test to study for, I would study.

But now, Sundays are precious because I most probably will be out of camp...On a separate note, I hate to think of next Sunday.

P.S. I haven't spent any money today! But my parents are taking me out for dinner later. Stay tuned to some gourmet photos!

Just random shoots

I am testing out how to post multiple photos in one post.

My NS PT shoes. =S.

Redhouse bustop.

Malayan railway.

Cough Cough

Between bouts of MGS 3, I have finally sent in both the NUS and MAS application forms.

One thing about MGS 3 is the difficulty level. 'Normal' is like super hard for me. And if you are wondering, I still haven't got pass the first bit yet, but I have already died maybe 10 times? Argh! Frustrating man!

And my cough has gotten much worse. I wonder what I did to get such a cough. I don't remember drinking anything cold today. =(.

Then again, I have been very forgetful today. Which is also why my bicycle is chained to a green fence in front of NTUC right now. :S.

I hope no one steals it.

Bloody hell...I was typing a mega post about my day and the darn computer had to crash.

SHIT man!

I might re-blog later depending on my mood.

Here's a summary...=)

• Took lots of pictures with my platoon mates during the NE walk
• Bought MGS 3, Jak 3 and Ace Combat 5
• Tampines has many pirated game shops
• I will be a hermit for the next few days
• Overheard 2 middle aged women talking about 'Desperate Housewives' as an analogy to the current casion debate
• I am very sure the casion will be built
• I keep forgetting things today
• Cya later

Day 4

That's RJC LT 1...Looks like a cinema. =S.


I thought I was going to stay home the whole day. It turned out exactly the opposite. I rushed down to RJC with Jasmeet at noon to certify documents and apply for scholarships. I won't say it is a very productive thing to do...but at least since I was in school, without any distractions, at least I got some stufff done. Had Uncle Alan's chinese rice for lunch, followed by a plate of mee siam...ALL FOR ONLY $3.40! =). I had the good fortune of meeting up with my chemistry and maths tutors for an hour or so too! It was really nice talking to them!

I left school at about 5 PM and had 2 hours to burn before meeting my classmates for another mini gathering. Headed back to the old campus at Ghim Moh....it was desolated man! Even Ghim Moh hawker centre is suffering from a slump. 'Johnson Duck Rice' didn't have a single customer! Then again, it wasn't exactly dinner time. I literally stoned around the area for the rest of the time taking photos of places that held special memories (like the badminton courts I used to play soccer on!). I did snap quite a few shots...but too sian to post them la

Childhood. Was very tempted to edit it to make it look old and faded...but decided to leave it as it is. Taken at the court mentioned above!


Dinner was at Holland Village...it was expensive and tasteless! So in the end the few of us decided to head over to Bukit Timah for some more food! It was my first time at Al Azhar and I just had to try their famous MILO DINOSAUR. The drink is a sure way to fall sick. Especially when you are already starting to have a sore throat and a cough. =S.

Milo Dinosaur from Al Azhar (Opposite Beauty World). It's cold milo with ice and condensed milk topped with lots of milo powder.


Ended the night at Don's place with some drinks and a talk-cock session. I really can't hold liquor. Half a can of Tiger Beer and I am typing this with my eyes half shut.

I guess it's bedtime. Tomorrow will be hectic with applications and the NE walk. Oh, it is tomorrow already.

DAY 5. SHIT!

No entry

When 'they' shut the door on you, what do you do?


1. Bash the door down
2. Find another door
3. Use the window

?
=).

Med Attachment Day 1 / Block Leave Day 3

Block leave have to start slowning down!

I don't want to say much about the attachment not because there is nothing to say, but rather, it would be too morbid. I have seen and heard death today, more than the past 18 years of my life. But, I have also seen true kindness and empathy.

Indeed an eye opener. I recommend everyone to do this.

After the attachment, I headed over to Suntec for dinner and dropped by the IT show. That place was packed with NS men. I guess once you become one of them, you can easily identify these NS men...You can just feel them man. An interesting thing, CF memory cards are dirt cheap now. A 512 MB card costs like $65 a piece.

On the way back, I dropped by the MPH bookstore in Citylink. Noteworthy books from the Singapore collection include 'The New Singapore Dream', 'Into The Mind' and 'Invisible trade'. The first is about potential business ideas for Singaporeans. The second one is written by a psychiatrist about his work at IMH. And last but not LEAST, 'Invisible trade' is about upmarket prostitutes.

I might be falling ill. This is bad. Better get some rest now.

On my way to attachment...I wonder what building is that. 

!!! I took this secretly at Plaza Singapura. Those figures are monks and those plastic bags they carry are from BOSE. Inverstigative journalism sounds like a cool occupation...:P One of my friend says monks are frequently spotted at Sim Lim buying computers. I guess now they wanna hear Guan Yin more clearly.

Looking at this gives me a headache. 

Somehow this reminds me of Jamie Oliver. I think one of his shows had a place like this. 

Vomitting.

I have been on the computer for an hour already. One more second of it and I will vomit. ARGH!

Have been out the whole day. I meet up with 3 of my classmates at U2 Kitchen for lunch today! The place is near Tanjong Pagar MRT. Oh, I never knew that Tanjong Pagar is such a nice place. I was quite taken aback by the view just outside of the station. I have to go down there one of these days to explore a bit!!! The restuarant was a bit like my old family restuarant in Bedok serving traditional chinese zhi cha...nothing very spectacular about it. I guess it was not a bad meal with the company and all...=).

Headed over to Bishan after the meal to settle my bank accounts (UOB and POSB). I have replaced my thumb print with my signature so now I can sign, sign and sign!!! It makes me feel more adult-like. Hahaha.Then I decided to get a POSB ATM card since I had bad experiences in the past of not being able to find a UOB ATM machine. So now, I am not one but TWO ATM cards. Geez, I don't think any of my friends have 2 cards. Anyway, since they are free of charge...might as well man! You never know when it might come in handly man!
At UOB, I saw a very coarse tai-tai banking in USDs like monoploy money. I guess the only worse thing is being the bank teller counting the cash. BTW, POSB beats UOB hands down in terms of service efficiency and initiative. Wondering why I have $11,000 in UOB and only $1,000 in POSB. LOL!

You can choose to believe the above statment if you want to. =).

Went on the new RJC campus. I can only describe it as HUGE. The thing is that the campus feels very impersonal and cold. I guess that's what happens when you have too much empty spaces and concrete around. I never thought the Mt Sina campus had any warmth until I came to the Bishan one. You could really feel the difference. The architect should be hung.

Bummed around Junction 8 for an hour before going to PS for another bumming session. I bought some Australian rock candy as a gift for someone. But that's not the point. The point is the salesgirl. I think she could have gone on and on about the rock candies. I never knew that you had to be so knowledgeable to sell candies at a pushcart. =S. I wasn't sure how I should stop her man. I bet her business must be darn poor, or else she wouldn't have given two hoots about a botak like me.

Dinner was at Pickles, a restuarant at the ground floor of Hotel Rendezvous. I had this set lunch for $7.50...its cheap but the food wasn't that good. In fact, my 'baked rice with seafood' had rubber bands (squid, mussels and other unidentifiable seafood) and the fish in the rice stank badly. The 'tomato whatever soup' tasted very commercial too. I guess the best thing was the cup of coke. But the interior decor was darn good. Oh and it was actually a very small place...but the designer used a mirror to make it look really huge. Thumbs up!

Took quite a few shots.....editing is so time-consuming. I must not waste my time like I did today. Ever again. More productivity is required. Darn.

Painfully exciting

Applications have always been a love-hate affair. NUS's website is terrible...I can't even save my online application properly.

Guess this means the computer will have to remain switched on for the rest of the day.

Woke up at 8 AM today to find myself at home, enjoying Day 1 of block leave. The rest of the day will probably be spent outside meeting up with friends and teachers. Kinda exciting to lead a normal life after so long...HAHAHA!

Hiaz....more planning have to be done. I need to structure my block leave properly. =D.

SAFOS

Serve and fuck off, solider!

(Much as I would like to claim credit for such an ingenuity, I only came up with the last word. Haha.)

Ok, so I have been promoted to the rank of PRIVATE just a few hours ago. I guess I would probably miss my life in Falcon/Foxtrot Company. Hmmmm, life in BMT haven't been that bad at all....still I am glad that it's over.

Actually had the impulse to blog quite a big. But somehow, I am not in the mood to do so now. There are many other matter weighing me down like my future and stuff.....

Ya, better get some serious thinking done man! Cya soon!

[Minor update: Remember I told you I had a problem with relationships? BTW, I just had the most annoying, irritating, stupid and meaningless conversation ever in my entire life. This is unbelievable. I almost used the F word on her.]

Last book-in

This is probably gonna be my last book in as a recruit of F Company.

The next time you see me would be after POP, as a private. Not a big deal, but still a milestone in my NS life. Can't wait for that day to come.

In the meantime, I would just pack up my remainding stuff in bunk, plan my block leave schedule to keep up my spirits. Can't believe that 9 weeks of BMT passed (actually it is about 7.5 weeks if you factor in all the rest days and book-outs)...not complaining that it is too fast though. Hahaha.

[Quite worried about university applications because I hate bothering teachers to write recommendations for me. Hiaz...but I might have to if I wanna change course. SHIT!]

Bye.

My Motivation

If I do medicine, I might want to be a psychiatrist.

But what makes me wanna be a psychiatrist when I can't even spell the word without using Microsoft Words spellcheck?

Impulse would a factor, because I always do a lot of things, make important decisions on impulse. I often tell ym friends 'depends on my mood la'.

However, when you see a person lose 20 kgs, sleep/lazy about every single minute only to wake up for meals, acting neurotic over tiny details we don't even bother, won't you feel like helping?

Especially when the person ____________.

As unfeeling as I am, sometimes, I do shed a tear. And this time, I probably did.

家家有本难念的经

Productive day!

Today is no ordinary book-out day. My life finally have some semblance of a civilian life. Who am I kidding...LOL! But I did search for a few more scholarships to apply, photocopied some documents, posted my results to DSTA and went to walk around the town central...

...kinda similiar to the post A Levels break. Hiaz.

I am wondering if Firefly is interested in my A Level results..Hmmm.

Oh, I noticed a lot of people withdraw money on weekends. The queues are just so long. This is weird. Why do this people have to chiong the ATMs together? Can't they do it on Friday night or something....enlightment me please!

Then there was this moronic ugly woman hogging the SAM machine. Somehow her OCBC card kept on getting rejected, and she kept on trying again and again. Since I was waiting to buy postage labels, I got really fed up with her. Hehehe. So I gave a very audible cough and when she turned around to see me, END OF STORY. She scurried away like a rat. I don't think I look that horrible, do I? =).

Headed over to Kobayashi for lunch. The Ebi Tempura Udon at $5.50 was a tad overpriced...but the taste was relatively good. The wasabi was horrible though...I almost choked over it. Bloody spicy.

I wonder why parents are can't understand their kids more. Some idiotic mother made her little girl 'chop' table by sitting in front of me. Of course she will get scared right?!?! Then the aforementioned idiotic mother went to sit at an empty table beside me with the son. Aiyoyoyo. Another set of unfeeling parents made their girl go get an empty bowl from the counter guy...alamak. The girl was going like 'How should I get it?!?!'. Sigh.

Parents should take care of their children a bit more.

To no one in particular

I have a problem with relationships. I get seriously turned off when people come to close. Hmmmm...

Anyway, the only reason why I am up now is that I just woke up from a horrible nightmare. I dreamt that I was touring some place in China. It was a grassy place, full with 'pasar malam' styled stalls and there were places to dump your luggage. Somehow, I placed my bag just at some tree/bridge thingy, went shopping and came back to realised that my stuff got stolen.

Panicked like a maddog. Seriously scary....hunted high and low for the darn bag before I woke up to find that it is a dream.

Last thing, the bag was strikingly similiar to my army duffle bag. I will post a picture later for you people!

[P.S. Just discovered that the school ranks me lower than all the prefect score people. Guess it means GP is really important. I thought Singapore was 75% Chinese though.]

What can you possibly do with $150? The government gives away money quite easily. Remember to grab it!

My parents bought me a new watch to replace mine old one which had a strap problem.. I got a feeling the new one wouldn't last that long either. It looks really flimsy.

Still planning what I should do tomorrow. Yawnnn....getting quite sleepy already. This is NOT GOOD.

4A 2D 1M A2

Those who know will know.

I am not too sure how to feel right now. Definitely not over the moon like how people think I should feel. Why so? Because my school did extremely well, which in a way, makes my results less outstanding. I am still waiting for the stastics to come out before doing any futher ranting. But what is disgusting is that almost everyone seems to be hitting A2 for GP and 2Ds is so common....ARGH!

The merit for Maths S just stinks badly. Grrrrrr.

Still a bit early to decide whether to be happy with the results. As of now, I cannot deny that I am relieved.

After collecting the results and bumming around the stupidly huge compound (trying to find the general office), I went out with some of my friends. Hiaz...it was quite awkward since some of them didn't meet their expectations....Happiness really cannot be shared, can it? I have asked myself this over and over again, yet no answer leh...!!! The least I could do was to subject myself to some torture in the form of DOTA. Argh! The agony was quite unbearable...LOL!

Then we went to slacking around Plaza Singapura before trooping down Orchard Road. Somewhere along the way, we decided to go have coffee. That was mistake no. 1. Mistake no. 2, we choose to go to Mastero Bistro...when we could have gone to Coffee Club, Cafe Gailleo, NYDC, TCC, Starbucks....the fricking list goes on.

Mastero Bistro, situated in Cineleisure level 2 is just as bad as The Big O. Probably slightly WORSE. Their serivce was terribly slow and lousy. I couldn't detect the warmth and friendliness from the waitress...HAHAHA!
Then, they couldn't find enough roast beef to make a sandwich for my friend. =S. The cheese cake that one of my other friends ordered came without cutlery....and even paying was tedious....=S.

Wah kao, I si bei xian now...complain later la.

Food ** out of *****
Serivce * out of *****
Ambience ** out of *****

Verdict: Don't even think about it.

Results Day

So I have survived BMT thus far. It's mundane and boring and I just bum around for most of the time. Treasuring book-outs would be the best thing to do. =)

Too tired to write anything. Not in the mood as well, cya after results collection.