It's already Day 2.

I booked out yesterday at 11 PM while others got off earlier because I was punished UNFAIRLY for stupid things. Got a defaulter's parade added to my list of punishments as well....including a lot of other rubbish.

But I am not at the least angry because I have come to a realization that the SAF is a screwed up organization. So why bother? It is really incredible how people can just be cocked up. It is also really incredible how I can take their shit. Wow! =).

I just spent a good 1.5 hours trying to fit stuff into 3 zip lock bags, SAF style. Again, the stupidity and impracticality of the army just looks, doesn't it? Hiaz.

Brought home a whole load of homework and books to study as well. =S. Fun is not off the plans yet! I will somehow squeeze out some free time for my own R&R.

Nothing much to write except the PSC scholars for my batch are really lousy. At least most of them do not deserve a second look...yucks. I say this not out of jealousy, but true concern and bewilderedness. The system must be wrong!

Cya in a few hours time. Hopefully I will have something more intellectual to write by then.

Back to Tekong

Just got back home from the interview at MOE. I think I did relatively well for the session...making it quite humourous and light hearted.

It would be nice to win the award, although there are much more qualified candidates.

The lifts at MOE are quite cool. All you have to do is enter the floor no. on a panel at the lobby and a specific lift will be assigned to you. No more having to wait in a box if you happen to work on the top floor....and the rest of the world works under you! =).

Waiting for phone calls now...

[Update, might be catching the 8 30 PM ferry to Tekong.]

You don't look like the army type to me

Someone of a certain status told me that yesterday.

I agree.

Just one day and 2 nights into the field camp and my limbs are swollen from allergic reaction to insect bites. I came down with fever last night as well. Thank god the panadols worked...I feel much better now. =).

Will be heading down to MOE later for the LKY award interview. Geez, I don't have the slightest idea why I have been selected. Some people were saying maybe they were looking at raw scores for A Levels...which is really cool! Haha.

But more importantly, I really thank whatever-is-up-there for giving me this break. It is so surreal that I am here, clean and comfortable while people are slogging out in the jungles of Tekong. Mind bloggling!

I actually am afraid that getting so much off time will make me less adaptable to future trainings...I think there is a high possibility. Right now, however, I need sleep, food and enjoyment.

Cya later before book in.

[Everything I get back home and flip open the papers, I realised that the world never stops. Everyday is a fascinating new day. And yet, people can be so cooped up in their own world that they don't know anything else besides the rat race. ]

Back from the NUS medicine essay test...

There were a lot familiar faces there, happy faces. There were my good friends from school; most were smiling. A couple of BMT section mates hao lian-ing how fit they are now...=) And of course many many other people I have seen some time or other dressed up nicely and talking excitedly in groups about god knows what.

So this is how life is like.

Later on, I would be taking the ferry to Tekong for my field camp. I am very determined to enjoy myself. See you on the 26th.

Self improvement...
Self improvement...
Self improvement...
Self improvement...

It's for myself...

My world is upside down in tatters.

The future is fucked up as of now. I hope something changes...

And next week's confinement will be extra bitter because it will be the longest bookout.

Away for a long time...

I will be booking in soon for field camp (leaving my house at 7 PM) so there won't be any posting for about a week.

Would be coming out on the 24th and 26th though, but there probably won't be time to read anything substantial. Hiaz.

Hopefully my confinement (which I pray won't materialise, but I think 100% would) won't be on the 1st and 2nd of May. Please....I really wanna book out. And the circumstances in which I received the punishment is just not fair.

=(.

The only thing I am looking forward to is celebrating Mother's Day with my mum. I need to decide on what to get her!

I realised I used many 'would' and 'won't' is this meaningless post. Sigh.

No choice left

For the umpteen time...

OOC is not an option because of the serious consequences that it will have on my future.

Hence I have no choice but to dig into whatever reserves I have left to pull through.

There is no way I will get kicked out.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

For the last time...

I will NOT OOC
I will commission

Driven up the bloody fucking wall.

It is times when you feel so unfairly treated that really gets your blood boiling.

I am stressed and depressed at the shit that has been thrown at me. What was suppose to be a very happy day turned out utterly rotten...

I have to accept that part of this is due to myself. But I really cannot find reason to make myself like or at least not hate this fucked up life.

The rubbish and shit that I get there, I bring it home, which is DAMN unfair to my family. Again, it's my fault. But, I am in a vicious cycle, a downwards spiral here.

The things they say about striving only applies when you have a reason to do so...not when you get thrashed for every single fucking thing.

Fuck it. And to think they dare fucking fill my book out with rubbish.

From now on, I really have to prioritise the shit that they give me. I realised that I might have been doing the wrong things at the wrong time.

So much for an intellectual post.

Highly stressed.

Things suddenly took a very very bad turn in the past 5 hours or so.

Yup, it is enough to make me very upset and irrtated...like the whole week have been horrible or something.

I don't want to elaborate because it just isn't worth the trouble.

Good bye for now, I got to settle a couple of things.

last post before leaving home...

...it is extremely killing to hear my parents discuss about whether to go shopping after sending me to camp.

I don't think they know how depress I get at times, but it is better this way.

Sometimes I wonder why should I feel depress? Isn't this like BMT? And I wasn't even sad during BMT. Or was I?

Everything is so hazy now.

Things around me

I just rushed down to NTUC to get some ziplocs (the ORIGINAL BRANDED ziplocs) and a pair of scissors for $5.85. The cost of living is incredible.

But in my friends words, 'Today I went to buy ziplocs. I am very happy.'

Sounds really retarded huh? Just that it sort of briefly describes how I am feeling now, though 'happy' wouldn't be the correct word.

Had been blogging about nothing recently. Even I myself am bored of having nothing interesting to write about...=(.


Bench, Ivory Heights.

If only I had time to sit down on a wooden bench, in the middle of a nice green park, take a couple of hours to watch birds, look at the greenery and breathe in fresh air.


Lonely bench, Ivory Heights

It's always not right to have a bench that is empty, or only have one person sitting. Benches are made for two or more. (Darn the lamp post behind. I think it steals the focus away from the empty bench.)


Vending machine, blk 117 lift lobby

Never did buy a drink from it. The first time I almost did was today. I was too shag from trying to get my OCS singlet to think straight. $1 for a can of Coke? YOU MUST BE JOKING! =).

Lunch on a stormy day

Lunch from Four Leaves Cafe, $7.00

Ahh, I am more than full now.

Despite how dry it looks, the chicken chop was surprisingly tender and moist. The amount of herbs used was too much though and it give a very strong after taste. I have to go check out the name of the herb because it's the ang moh (like rosemary, thyme etc.) kind, not those that I am used to.

Even with a generous amount of the offending ketchup/sweet chilli sauce, the weird taste reminded. Argh. BTW, the best way to offend a chef is to ask for ketchup or chilli to accompany the dish. LOL!

There is a piece of hashbrown hidden by th lettuce! I think you can catch just a glimspe of it if you enlarge the photo. Haha.

And the cup of coffee contains Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup. =S. There has to be a better way to serve soup, right?

Items not included in the set are the half slice of garlic bread and the piece of pork rib. My mum 加料 for me.

[Book-in timing is 8 30 PM today. But I have a shit load of stuff undone, which means I have to book in earlier than that. The problem now is how early, since I really don't want to go back. Fuck.]

Ah, I just scanned through the Sunday Times and chance upon the article about the racist PSC scholar.

BTW, if you are wondering whether his blog still exists, I can tell you no. Because I tried to look for it! Haha! Of course, you still would be able to find certain posts and excerpts floating around cyber space, but nothing beats the real thing eh?

I tried to think of some reasons, against all logical, to defend the accused. But I can't think of any man! Actually, I don't think what he has done deserves so much bashing. Rather, his stupidity should get some special mention.

Be honest, how many of us can really claim never to have made a racist remark before? PSC scholars ain't saints. They are far from that. They just happen to be able to impress some old geezer at a interivew. Geez, can you detect the jealousy? LOL!

Nah, I am not THAT envious of the PSC people. =).

Army elearning is killing me. Let me finish a bit of it first before I blog further.

In the mean time, head over here to check out some shoots. I quite like her photographs. Definitely would like to shoot like her man...=).

远亲不如近邻

Thank goodness for a very kind family, I finally got back my OCS singlet.

They are indeed good neighbours. Not only were they the ones who spotted my singlet hanging in the tree, they woke up at an unearthly hour of 7 AM to show me which tree it was ...

And they even brought down masking tape and bamboo sticks to help make a super duper ultra long pole to hook the darn singlet down!

Mind you, it took a hell lot of effort for them and me to control the pole because it was so heavy and was swaying about wildly.

It's a shame I was in too foul a mood to take any pictures of the whole incident. In retrospect, it does seem quite comical. I really have to learn to control my emotions.

Really, thank you! Shall go shower now.

Wastage

I got to kick the bad habit of worrying too much. I got this feeling that I have lotsa stuff to do when I actually don't have that much.

Spent the good part of the last few hours contemplating whether I should go Army Market tomorrow...when the right thing should be heck it, and just go!

Hiaz, this is killing.

I took a peek at the book Blink just now while browsing through the bestsellers at Popular. It does look really interesting. The only problem would be finding time to read the book. Sigh. And I wonder why RJC gave me Times book vouchers instead of Popular ones....It is extremely frustrating to have to rush halfway across the island just to spend $20 on a wretch book at Times, passing at least 1o Popular outlets on the way there.

The agony is unbelievable.

Too much planning is bad because nothing ever goes according to plan. Essentially, the planner will waste time and be demoralised at the end of it all.

Good night. Looking forward to The Sunday Times and a productive day in a couple of hours time.

Crippled

I think I am exhuasted. My vision is blurred, my hearing off and I am generally in a very dreamy state. Argh!

Just got home from Tiong Bahru Plaza, one of the malls that I seldom frequent. Too tired to write anything about it. The 2 pretty girls having their feet massaged in the middle of the shopping mall was the only highlight, apart from the mad people dancing outside the mall. :S.

I am very vexed now. Bye.

WHOPPER meal, $6.70. $0.50 extra for the cheese!

Home coming

I made this incredibly long list of things to do during this bookout. So far, I haven't done much to strike anything off the list.

I have found some way to postpone everything to a next day (tomorrow perhaps), or throw it to my parents and made time to eat a plate of noodles, a piece of cake and sleep.

Now, I am wondering whether I should go out. And the minutes are passing by...

Oh, I better do something proper later in the night. Just one gripe, OCC is trying to invade into my precious free time by making me follow their vision of elearning. Hiaz, what can you tell morons?

Cya around soon.

Things that I can/cannot do

Good shows to watch...

Channel 8 7 PM, Hei Ye Cai Hong (HK serial)
Channel 8 5 30 PM, Zai Sheng Yuan (HK serial, repeat telecast)
Channel 8, some Japanese serial show with Takuya Kimura
Channel U, some HK serial with the same leading actress as Zai Sheng Yuan

These I can't do.

Things I can do...

Plan my scholarship/university paths
Plan my OCT life

Hiaz....sure spells D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N

Back to the future!

So the final IDA interview came and went. It was quite enjoyable actually, and in no small part, my preparations paid off. I actually feel quite good about it. Just that Cornell University came back to haunt me again....I was repeatedly asked why did I choose Cornell. Hiaz. I sorta had the inkling that would happen....darn my FORMER screwed up self. =).

And the only question I asked them was sufficiently impressive enough to get them all to take notice of it. =).

Preparation is the only way to guarantee success. I learnt it the hard way but thankful, managed to learn it in the end.

That's why, in addition to the NS book, which is still collecting dust in the corner of my harddrive, I have decided to start on writing about the whole scholarship and university thingy. Not as an authoritative guide, because I don't have much credentials anyway, but more of a personal experience book to let students know what they should look out for...

Even thought of a title already...'Crossroads'.

Before the interview I weaved around Suntec. Walking through the lunch crowd of expats (Indians and Caucasians mostly), white collars, families and youngsters, I felt really happy and contented. It is invigorating to shop in Carrefour, look at the French Food Fair, peep into the restuarants...that's freedom for you.

It is weird to think that at the very same time, a bunch of idiots are leading more idiots doing idiotic things at an idiotic place. Cryptic? Hahaha. Okok, must improve attitude ya!

Got back home, opened the letter box to find a letter from the NUS Medicine Faculty (happiness!!).

MAJOR DISRUPTION: The IDA HR department just called me to offer me a scholarship, way way before the deadline of 22nd April 2005. I am a happy man. Preparations do pay off.

Back to blogging. So...I really could envision myself, with even more clarity than at the start of this post (look above!!!) working at Suntec, going home from work and leading a fulfilling life doing what I like.

But the path is still long and treacherous. I still have a lot of decisions to make...busy busy busy!

Got laughed at for going to Cornell University. If it isn't enough for you, I was laughed at by the very people willing to pay for my education there.

Argh, the irony of it all!

Argh, the terrible twist of fate.

Sweet Lord, what a screw up.

Ahhh. Nooo.

Phew! I have just finished an exhuasting clean of my room! Ah, actually it's part of my room. I cleaned my desk of the mountains of scrap paper.

I should be going out soon to SAFTI MI to meet Joel to get my spectacles from him. A guy's gotta look more presentable than 'army style black plastic frames' right?

I would be going to SAFTI MI in the evening (7 30 PM) to book in. WTF!

GP Lesson #1. The difference between should and would. Go check a dictionary if you think the above real life example is not clear enough. I very much doubt so though. :S.

Remember I talked about how I didn't wanna OOC, about how I should put in positive attitude...blah blah blah? I discovered that all those talk gets thrown out of the window on book-in day. Hiaz. This really cannot last if I were to survive the whole 9 months of the course. Will be making a list of things to achieve in OCS later on...I won't put it up here because I think it looks stupid.

A blog should be free from the mundane stuff army is made of. Oxford dictionary people, please take note!

IDA interview later. Hope everything goes smoothly today.

Oh, do read the URBAN section today. It seems the journalists have taken a liking for hot babes in power suits a.k.a Raffles Place women. SEE! I told you so! My exquisite taste for the opposite sex has finally found recognition with the masses. Please refer to previous posts....=).

I need more eye candy.

[How absent minded of me! My brother went to Nepal for tracking today. And I had 4 slices of wholemeal bread this morning, topped with kaya and butter.]

Papa Roti and the terrorists

Just went to walk around the town centre for 3 hours.

Dropped by the library in hope of finding Haruki Murakami's works, but was sorely disappointed. The only book I found by him was the one I returned. Argh. So I just pulled off a random book from the shelf above...also having the same MUR callsign. Haha. The book is surprisingly interesting though.


The Finished Man, trying to finish it now.

Then as I was just walking about, I saw a new bread shop 'Papa Roti'. I think it's an imitation of 'Roti Boy'. Finding it really interesting, I whipped out my camera to take a photo. While I was busy adjusting the settings, an idiotic man in white came over and said I COULDN'T take photos there!

'The CPF building is in the vicinity'...or so he says. I was actually pointed AWAY from the CPF Building leh. Tried to reason with him and even offered to let him watch me take the picture to no avail. I just didn't want to waste precious time arguing in the hot sun. Sorry guys, no picture of 'Papa Roti'.

The shop owner later approached me asking what happened. Her grave look suggested that she was deeply worried by the fact that I was talking to the man in white. Bet she thought that was some IP guy trying to bust her for copyrights. LOL. It didn't occur to me that I should have tried fleecing her of some roti.

Bah, someone bomb the CPF Building please!

A bit guilty

I am out on a MC again, which explains the title. This time it's for 3 days.

I am not sure what is going to happen to my OCC, but at least I just settled the Cornell application and finished up my NUS portfolio minus the letters of recommendations. Would definitely try make today count.....have to tie up many loose ends la.

Last night, I was reading a blog. The writer has the most amazing attitude possible. He is in the same situation as I am, but if you do a post to post comparison...the stuff he writes about OCS is amazingly different from what I wrote. 'Wrote' because I will not write any more negative stuff! =).

Then I realised that he is a PSC scholar, going to leave on a jet plane in 2-3 months time. Geez, but give him the due credit for his outlook ya?

The textbook furore between China and Japanese is just a stage for another diplomatic spat, occupying the newspapers and giving editors less of a headache to find articles to fill the STimes. Borrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnggggg!

Oh, the devil in me shown yesterday. The wretch driver took a much longer route. So I decided to repay him by rubbing my eyes, smearing all the sore eyes virus/bacteria on the $10 note and gave it to him. Good luck brother!

Oh, this explains the title as well. :S

12th-14th

Sore eyes; Attn C 3 days; Busy; Bye.

Extented family gathering

PIE, marina bay area

I took this while on the car going for the gathering at my Grandma's place. She lives all the way across the island at Pasir Ris. The scene reminds me of more carefree days...especially my holiday in NZ. Hiaz.

The gathering was good. I met up with an aunt who came back from Austraila. She told me to always be contented with what I have. But I wonder if I should only get this much...as in, sometimes, I don't feel that I am being rewarded for the effort I put into things. I didn't tell her that though.

Another aunt was discussing my future with me. She agrees that going to Cornell first then later transferring to another university would be the best course of action. Yeah, because that is the only one with less risk. Hahaha. She probably would agree that I should have applied to more schools last year and that I screwed up if she were in a position to do so...sigh.

But talking to them was good. At least it sort of releases some stress. They are actually very happy for me being a scholar and getting to go to the US to study. I would say even happier than myself. Maybe it is because I was expecting it all along....difficult to be happy when you have your standards set so high eh?

The gathering continues on tonight at Equinox. Go check the link out, you wouldn't be disappointed. If you can't be bothered, let me sum it up for you. HIGH CLASS. But I will be heading back to camp. Missing out the fun is damping.

I got stuff to do, and I shan't waste anymore time. Until book-in....cya.

The outside world, outside my corridor.

I woke up at 7 AM today and hastily took this shot. It is actually very similar to one that I took at the Esplanade during one of the days of block leave. Generic shot eh? Though it sucks, I guess the meaning behind it makes up for everything else.

A Sunday for most Singaporeans means a day of fun and relaxation. Some might be dreading to go back to work or school the next day, nonetheless, they still enjoy their Sunday. Not only do I have to rush myself back to jail, I can't even bring myself to accept the reality of being locked up with animals again.

That's my life! =(.

Disastrous haircut

Scene 1, EC House Jurong Point.

Hairdresser: Aiyo, so short why need to cut?
Me: Army lor, they say must cut.
Hairdresser: You never ask if short enough a not meh?
Me: Lazy la, they say cut just cut lor.
Hairdresser: But your hair is very short already!
Me: I know, waste money lor.

After the haircut, I looked like a chao recruit because the hairdresser couldn't effectively translate my instructions into actions. The worst thing was they didn't have any shaver to cut of my side burns cleanly! WTF!

To all: Never fall for the $10 for 10 min cut gimmick anymore. Go look for an old fashion Malay barber.

Scene 1, Andersen's of Denmark Jurong Point.

Manager: Wah, crew cut! You in army?
Me: Yup, NS, thanks.
Manager: Looks good on you man! Your face suits the haircut.
Me: Thank you! *grining like a twit*
Manager: How long have you been in army? Recruit ah?
Me: No, OCS now.

WTF WTF WTF! I am a OFFICER CADET TRAINEE and I say this very more than a little pride. Argh!

Booked out at 3 30 PM

Now talking on Skype with Ken, later meeting Eddie to chill out.

And at night...gotta rush all my applications and prepare for book-in at 8 PM tomorrow.

A living screwed up case.

I have many regrets, ironic for such a short life like mine. Someday, I am going to list down the regrets one by one...chronological order perhaps if I am in the mood. DSTA and Cornell wants me to reply them by 1st May. IDA is probably giving me the final interview on the 14th of this month. No news yet from NUS Medical School. Things can easily be settled by just accepting everything, then paying the fines if I happen to reject them later in time. The problem is, I am a cheapskate. The fines are in the range of $700-$1000. :S. So I have decied to help any lucky soul who stumble here.

To all potential scholars,

If you are too busy scoring your As like I did when I was in JC, STOP! Take some time of to think what type of job you want, which organisation you want to work for, the scholarship you would like and the university you want to study in. I recommend at least around 6 months of planning before you start doing anything. Also, please have at least 3 plans...your first choice, 2nd choice and 3rd choice, detailing everything carefully.

Once done, try starting your applications after your prelims and please make use of the December break as well. DO NOT just play play play.

Then come March/April next year, you will hopefully have a joyful time deciding which offers to take. The bottomline is your grades should be rewarded with a prestigious scholarship and university. And that is for you to make it happen.

If you turn out like me, you only have yourself to blame and will live the rest of your life bitter, wondering, 'What if?'

12 going on 21

I am not sure what that means. My brother's MSN nick is rather weird eh.

I was typing out my reflections on some activities in OCC (this is REQUIRED of me) on my bro's laptop when I spotted an cheaply printed invitation card to a birthday.

'You are invited to Diana's 21st birthday,' it wrote.

And I was thinking, 'Woah! How did my brother get to know a 21 year old girl? Kinda old for my brother man!' I was wondering if maybe the girl is from a senior batch in his school or something a long those lines.

My brother was born in1984 and his birthday was 3 days ago, on the 6th. That day, I was hiding in Rambutan Hill planting and ambush for my mission. Probably fell sick that day as well because of the extreme weather I had to put all with.

My brother is 21 this year as well. I wish him the very best for his adult life ahead of him. I hope he excels in medical school and become a very good doctor.

As for me, everything is in a mess, a blur, a swirl, a whirl. You get the idea? It is just damn confusing. I wish time could turn back to end of 2004 so that I could make better plans. My credentials should carry me very far...further than 99% of my batch I dare say. But it isn't, because I was too lazy to plan.

That's why I am bitter.

All I know his I will leave my house this evening at around 6 45 PM to take a cab back. Booking in this time with a positive attitude to slavage the remainding bits of my OCC.

Blog surfing, which I just did, is a bad thing to do because I tend to compare what different lives the writer and I are leading. More often than not, I come out the loser. Hiaz.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't say this but I think Cornell pales in comparison to places like Stanford, MIT...and which I think my results might just give me a place there! However, I didn't apply because I was sick of filling in all the forms. Now that I have been accepted into Cornell, I feel rather foolish and stupid that I allowed my future to be decided by my laziness. WTF.

I could have been one of them at these stop places. Now all I get is to listen to those that got in telling me that I should have applied. WTF.

Yes, I am a bitter person. I will leave this for a while...gotta rush to do some stuff.

When I woke up just now, I realised how grateful I was to be at home. Not only that, I also realised how demanding NS is. I see absolutely no reason to force 18 year olds to stay away from home about 70% of the time.

Someone tell me the rational behind this.

I suddenly don't feel like writing anymore. Bye.

As the world goes by...

Crap. My buddy just called me saying that there is some problem with me booking out on a MC. I will know what is going on when I book in at 8 PM tomorrow. This is freaking me out!

Driven by my Dad out of camp is a refreshing experience every single time. While I was locked up in chains, the world sped ahead without me. The Pope died, someone bashed up his own father and Avril Lavigne had a concert in Singapore. Even NUFC went on headlines...for the wrong reasons.

Passing by the Lakeside MRT station with foreign workers sitting around, looking at the people chilling out at the Jurong Point cafes...and thinking of next few days.

I somehow feel that my life is spining out of control. I did/am doing things based on emotions and present circumstances. There isn't a long term goal, none of that ambition and fire that I thought I had. Growing up way too fast man, way way too fast.

Now sitting in front of the computer, I only have one thing in mind. I have to change my outlook towards OCS. Gotta definitely be more positive about the whole thing...IDA results will be released tomorrow as well...so that makes for a really exciting day. Not to mention the possibility of getting screwed BIG TIME when I get back. :S

Will be able to get back to this soon..so I shall stop for now.