It's the holidays again and games are coming out thick and fast! I have just viewed the trailer for Rouge Galaxy and am very impressed by the developers, Level 5. Finally, a studio to rival Square-enix...! Level 5 also produced the Dark Cloud (which reminds me I still have the last boss fight for Dark Cloud 2. Sheesh!) series and did the porting of Dragon Quest VIII, which I am gonna get.

A force to be reckon with. But they should really stop using cel shading. It's getting too boring already. =(.

***

Gonna have to leave at 8 PM today because certain ridiculous people made these ridiculous rules. Argh...the angst is really building up. But before I take another week long hiatus, I leave you with one of the many lists that I have been making...

Why I want to lead

At present the one and only reason is I know that I will do a good job and make the lives of people under me just that wee bit better.

Don't look back in anger

My Dad's birthday lunch was at Tung Lok. Again. I actually felt worse coming out of the restuarant than going in. Didn't have much of an appetite today, or maybe it's because the place was so near another very objectable place.

Dad bought one of the latest digital videocams from Sony last week, I think. That frigging little thing costs a cool $1592!!! I haven't really played around with it, but it does seem like a very good product. Actually it's for him to film the parade...

***

You think I am letting him down by giving up? This feeling sucks.

***

Kinda excited at the prospect of maybe going into some film making as well...which actually increases the urgency to buy a new computer powerful enough...! I swear if I get in, I would just sprint to the nearest ATM and draw $3000 to buy a new machine.

Got to give yourself a treat when it's due huh? But for now, I wait. Argh.

***

One of my favourite blogs has closed down. Seems like there isn't much to read these days.=(. And by friday, I will know where I am gonna get posted to. Check out the moblog if you can't wait. Hahaha.

Off to work.

6:25 AM

Today is my Dad's birthday.

***

Totally dissed that I just rolled up in bed after reading the papers yesterday. Woke up briefly at 10 PM and moved to a different room to continue sleeping . =S.And now, here I am lamenting the lost time.

So fucking screwed.

The first week of D Wing wasn't all that bad actually. Time flew by pretty quickly but maybe that's due to the relaxing schedule that we were having.

Had a long day today, a bad one too. I just don't really fancy the stuff that I am made to do now. Regarding this, many people have told me many things but I guess it's really up to me...

I don't sound coherent.

***

2 weeks more to...hmmm...a better life perhaps?
20 more days to THE day of reckoning.

The wait is killing and right now, I have to go do work. Cya.

and I step into the unknown again

The day is almost over and I will soon have to leave for camp.

Worrying about the results that will be released in 25 days time, figuring how to cope with the new responsibilities thrusted upon me and trying to keep a calm happy frame of mind.

Life is not good at present.

***

On the brighter side of things...

X'mas is coming soon and hopefully the festive spirit would be some sort of a morale booster with all the shopping and merry making to be done. =). Gonna commission soon as well....and am looking forward to the course at Stagmont where I probably will have more breathing space to get stuff done. There is the commissioning ball too! And finding a date is still a pleasant problem yet to be solved.

Haha. I sound confused.

***

I need some time to sort myself out. The brain has shutdown for the day. Cya this coming Saturday.

***

At least I know I can get over things better than one person. Or maybe it's because I am a better liar.

The weekend

Haven't been blogging much this weekend because I wasn't feeling particularly up to it, or in fact, anything at all.

The mood has been in the dumps for goodness know how long already. Friday night was spent at the mess, forgetting everything for that couple of hours, yesterday I caught Harry Potter, which like all adaptations, was a bit choppy. But I did like it and wished it didn't end.

I digressed.

Maybe it's because I am in a place now that I so hate terribly. Not the antsy, angry kinda hate, more like a depressing thorough disgusting feeling. Not a single happy memory I guess except for some guys that I got to know better. Well, it will be over soon enough and I know the feeling would dissipate in due time. However, for now, I chose to wallow in this absolute misery.

Listening to a CD running now. Coincidentally, this friend helped me quite a bit through some tough times. Ah, feels a bit better to know at least you have got at least one person to depend on.

I have to leave the house at 8 30 PM tonight; many things concerning the applications haven't been settled. And am getting very jumpy and anal over things. Filling those forms time and time again, reading about people already there and having it all just plain stinks. Not knowing how things will turn out...enduring the endless bombarding of distasteful conversations...yeah. Life sucks.

Some people just have it all. You think I am one of them?

Stumbled upon this today. Reading the recent posts rekindled some of the past...nostalgic memories that might be better left to rest. Hiaz.

Right now, there's still work to be done and the contacts I am wearing are awfully hurting.

***

Sometimes, people (the pianist in the paper) get away too easily. I read with a tinge of sadness that people like me sacrifice two years to serve this nation yet hardly get any recognition for it. Others move on with life, ignoring it, chase their dreams and get to perform at the esplanade.

Laughable. Am I just a tool to this cold blooded place?

Two years, however little it might seem in the grand scheme of things, is still TWO years. I no longer can muster the anger that I might once possessed. That part of me is long gone, dulled and deaden by the numbing life of the past months...

***

I need some inspiration to write my essays. Fast and this is hardly helping. I don't know what to say.

My head is still spinning from last night and going back to a place of my haunting past is not gonna help me in anyway.

Argh. And right smack in the middle of the day, I have to go for a really important interview. Seriously, I need to rest. But with quite a number of things piling up....

....maybe some sacrifices have to be made. =(. We will see how it goes went I come back.

When I swear

Procrastination without inspiration,
is the order of the day.

TMD.

It's Sunday already!

I can't believe I gotta book in at 11 PM today. Oh well, yesterday was really rotten so lets hope today might be better.

In any case, I would have to get my wretch uniforms sorted out ASAP or risk getting a shelling on the 21st where I would have to go back to SAFTI. Hiaz.

Time is running for me to save whatever I have left of this book-out to get the university applications done. But the spirit is really lacking for some reason or the other. =(. Maybe it's the impossibility of things that is getting me down...yeah, I think I am right on this one.

Kinda sucks when reality hits you that way. FUCK.

Got to run now. Cya.

Hard sell

I was blog surfing and came across a post about chinese forsaking their culture and tradition.

I vaguely remember having an agruement with someone over this althought it did, at tihat point of time, sounded far too artifical.

He said that culture and traditions evolve and we change along with the times. So, we can't say that we are throwing our roots away. I thought it was kinda a smart thing to say. But in the end, he was the loser.

I was a loser as well, albeit later.

***

'The times' remind me of MGS 3

Twilight Zone

After some last minute obstacles, I booked out yesterday at 7 PM! =).

Not sure why, but I was successfully persuaded by my friends to kill myself at a game of floorball. It was certainly a horrible and enjoyable night at the same time. We joined this SMU team at NUS High, which is located at the old RJ campus for a couple of games and I was totally zonked out after that.

Exhausted, but fun. Sinful.

The couple of us then went to Holland V for food and drinks and that was when strange things started to happen. The world seemed inexplicably small that night. My friend kept bumming into his friends...and despite it being Holland V and it was nearing midnight, there weren't any good lookers at all. Argh. Strange.

After getting some coffee at what I believe to be Starbucks (too tired to notice), we hopped over to the hawker centre to get some food. And I was kept rather fixated by two ang mohs making out at a HAWKER CENTRE?!?! Kinda weird since they were really going at each other while people were trying to catch the Bruce Lee movie on the screen about them.

And when we walked back to my friend's car, we saw the wretch guy giving him a ticket. Strange.

I dropped off along Sixth Avenue to catch 174M back home before more strange things happened.

***

Wah kao, I am writing strangely, but I did have a couple of hours of sleep. Strange.

***

On to more normal things.

I almost forgot to say that I have just finished Kazuo Ishiguro's 'An artist of the floating world'. It's a rather good book but I still don't really dig into the way he uses words. Ahh, but do go read it. Really loved the way he brings across the theme of the book without being too obvious...just ever so subtly.

Just a note, 'the floating world' is actually the Japanese term of a hedonistic, decadent lifestyle. A world which flatters you in the silence of the night and makes you stronger than you actually are. But such is its transient nature that 'the floating world' vanishes with first light. Only to return later at dusk....if you so wish it to.

Comms Ball Woes / Essay Woes

I just spent 2 hours writing two 100 word pieces. This is maddess. And I am ashamed to say that I had fun while at it.

But will do well in reminding myself that I don't have all the time in the world to while away and many more essays, with higher word limits (!!!!) await me. Argh. Gimme 48 hours per fricking day, will ya?

***

An MSN conversation gone wrong.

me: Si le, no comms ball date.
me: is your dog female? *looking at buddy's display pic*
buddy: no.
me: damn, or else could have brought it along for the ball
buddy: WHAT?
buddy: you want to bring a dog along?
me: a bitch, to be more accurate.

Senseless

Picked up a couple of books and magazines from the library in the afternoon. I wanted to borrow the book on macroeconomics by some MIT dude as well but it wasn't for loan.

That's the problem with libraries in Singapore. The really good books are always not for loan, especially university level texts. Hiaz.

Got the A4 sized manila envelopes from Popular as well. Someone should re-work the pricing they have there. It actually costs less to buy 12 envelopes separately in packs of 3 then to buy 10 in a pack. And the lady at the cashier undercharged me. Haha.

***

I have discovered that I am getting better at making the truth sound nicer than the truth. It may constitute lying but now isn't the time to talk about morals. Already late liao....!

Press on.

I'm actually lazing around because the mind is not willing to exert itself.

An article in today's papers about the hazards of insufficient sleep has give me the leverage I need to excuse myself for the excessive rest I have taken recently. Haha.

Gamefaqs have unveiled the #1 Game EVER and no surprise that FFVII won the award. I wonder when would a time like this arrive for me. I am just at the doorsteps, waiting for the opening to come. Hmmm....

***

Applications is an expensive business. I haven't been keeping track of my spending of late but predict that it won't be of much use anyway. Too much have been going out and I wanna spare myself the heart pains. Haha.

Things to do for the day until 10 45 PM. That's when I go back to a meaningless existence, kinda like a slime or a snail.

• Visit the library and the bookstore
• Fill up more forms for 2 new schools
  
• And basically slack about

Life now is to hedonistic and the brain is rusting badly. I can almost feel it now. Hence the need to get some intellectual nourishment (from the library) and creating of several Things-to-do-lists/Resolutions that will include:

• X'mas wishlist
• X'mas present list (highly dependent on my mood)
• Things to do after commissioning
• New Year Resolutions

That's about it. Cya.

The unintentional advertiser

Had dinner at Tung Lok Seafood 同乐海鲜, my second visit to the restuarant which has garnered a number of awards including one from Singapore Tatler!

I had the A La Carte Buffet for $32.80+++ pax and to make it all worthwhile I had:

Braised Mushroom, Scallops and Top Shell Served in Claypot 海皇一品煲
Chilli Crab A La Tung Lok 辣椒螃蟹
Beijing Roasted Duck 京式片皮鸭
Salmon Sashimi 三文鱼刺身
Barbecued Meat Platter 烧味拼盘
Sauteed Scallops and Cuttle fish with Celery 带子花枝片西芹
Crisp Fried Baby Squids 香脆苏东仔
Deep Fried 'Soon Hock' Fish 油浸笋壳鱼
Baked Coffee Pork Ribs 咖啡排骨
Old Cantonese Style Sweet and Sour Pork 咕噜肉
Pan-Grilled Miso Marinated Beef Tenderloin 日式牛柳烧
Sauteed Ostrich Meat with Black Pepper Sauce 黑椒鸵鸟肉
Fried Crispy Bean Curd Skin Served with Pancake and Sweet Sauce 湖南烤酥方
Crispy Bean Curd with Salted Pepper 椒盐豆腐
Deep Fried Fritters with Salad Sauce 沙律油条
Boiled Chinese Spinach with Garlic in Supreme Stock 上汤蒜子笕菜
Fried 'Kang Kong with Balacham' Sauce 马来风光
Stewed 'Bee Hoon' with Shredded Duck Meat and Pickled Vegetables 雪菜鸭丝焖米粉
Steamed/Fried Bun (Man Tou) 馒头
Chilled Herbal Jelly with Honey 药材龟苓膏
Chilled Sago Cream with Honey Dew 蜜瓜西米露
Vanilla Ice Cream 香草雪糕

Damn it, I don't know what drove me to spend a good hour on this and I mean the typing, not the eating. Off to shower.....

Just...just so sian.

I reached home just a couple of minutes past 12 but was initially habouring hopes of hitting my bed at 9 AM plus.

The frigging clerk is so gonna die. I can picture myself throttling him to death with a double-handed grip and as I tighten my fingers around his neck, simultaneously crushing his windpipe, he whimpers, 'I am sorry I indented lunch...really...' And the rest is silence. Hahahaha....

Frats.

I am getting dragged out of house to dine at Tung Lok's tonight. That's with much reluctance because I feel bloated and not up to massive gorging.

I am BEING dragged out now. Cya later. Just for records: Shall attempt to visit the library after dinner and start the application work for this weekend. Not much of it left though. Argh.

***

Before it slips my mind, and surely this deserves an entirely new post...

IT'S ONE YEAR TO ORD

Mystery of the disappearing black ink...

I am appalled and shocked to discover the black ink cartridge that I purchased a month ago is running out!

After interrogating several family members, I still don't have any leads as to where has the black ink vanished to.

Since there isn't a reason for my folks to deceive me, my investigation plan will now concentrate on the equipment itself. Will let you know later if this yields any results.

***

Dad gave me a fantastic essay idea and my creative juices are over flowing at the moment. A great GREAT pity that I sent out the stanford application already and the CMU one is already more or less completed. Hiaz. ARGH! I feel kinda of cheated. If only I talked to Dad a bit earlier...=(.

No matter, I plan to use it for the remaining schools. Wish me luck!

***

Booking in at 10 30 PM tonight and will only regain my freedom on Saturday.

Sometimes, I regret not being a full fledged mugger. Then maybe, I would be rotting somewhere as a chao kang clerk pestering my S1 for disruption with a book in hand, tons upon tons of intellectual knowledge in the brain , ready to be sprouted out at moment's notice and a list of paper qualifications extending until the toes.

Life with a place in a good university might be better. Heh.

***

Things have changed and I forgot what I wanna say. =S.

KNN

I am peeved that I have gotten myself into a fix.

Why is there such a limited number of schools. ARGH!

Mighty irritated now.

***

What have I done man! My entire lower body is aching badly, effectively making me disabled. =(.

***

2 27 PM. The CMU applications are more or less finished already. I am just considering how I might be able to save the USD 60 application fee.

Out of sheer boredom, I picked up Wednesday's copy of the STimes and the article about smoking (Mind Your Body) frightened me a bit. I was thinking of how I have gotten used to (which is a horribly bad thing) to all the cigarette smoke around me that whatever initial inhibitions that I have had....have all vanished.

I don't want lung cancer! Doing a study on how 2 years of NS affect people's chances of lung cancer should be interesting. =).

I am having second thoughts about my major. Seriously. =S.

And the enjoyment continues...

The soccer outing was a blast! Although I am really sun burnt now, I guess its kinda worth it! Thoroughly enjoyed myself during the tournament and winning it was a great thing! I was a bit surprised at the high level of soccer played today both by the cadets as well as the course commanders. =). Fun fun fun....Kudos to the organizers for putting in so much effort to plan this outing and special mention goes to AH LOY for sponsoring a delicious lunch!

I feel obliged to advertise for AH LOY. Everyone please go here NOW! =D.

So I was baking in the sun from 8 AM all the way until 3 PM before we adjourned to a fellow cadets house, or rather MONOSTROUS PALACE. His house had a very 'tropical resort' feel complete with a pool table, a swimming pool and an entertainment room. Spent about 3 hours there throwing darts, chilling out in the water and playing pool. And we concluded that we only have explore about a tenth of his home. Haha.

Thereafter, I headed down to town to meet up with my RI classmates, people that I haven't seen in quite a while. Dinner was at some Crystal Jade branch at Scotts and it proved to be a nice change from the usual western cuisine that I have been having. The five of us ordered quite a hearty meal with 点心 dishes like 北京饺子, 小龙包 and some radish pastry thingy which almost choked me to dead. But it was good. On top of that, we all had assorted 拉面 for main course! Yummy. My dish was some 红油牛肉拉面 which was not too bad! =). Great food.

Much time was spent catching up, talking about army, NUS medicine, the future and the past. Hmmm....comforting to know that my friends are all coping well and moving ahead in their lives. And I found out my fencing senior is actually my friends' classmate. What a small world!

Walked about Orchard road as a post dinner activity, dropping by Borders just before closing to browse some books. I didn't take advantage of the 20% offer going on because things there were just too expensive and I have been steadily burning a hole in my pocket recently by going out soon often.

I think I will take Enhui's advice. Stay home every single second for the rest of the week. In fact, I might be able to starve of the distractions and move on with the frigging applications. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

=(. STRESS!